


for the first time seen

by Sillypennie4



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben Solo is on the lam, D.H. Lawrence references, Denial of Feelings, F/M, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Love, Fluff, Forbidden Love, Humor, Internal Conflict, Keep in mind baby was 17 and Johnny was like 30!, Kylo Ren and Rey Are Not Related, More angst than intended, Mutual Pining, Older Man/Younger Woman, Past Lives, Pining, Redeemed Ben Solo, Rey is kinda a stalker, Romance, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, Soulmates, Summer Camp, Thirsty Rey (Star Wars), This is turning out to have nothing to do with Dirty Dancing, Underage Drinking, Young Rey, dirty dancing au with almost no dancing, kdrama vibes, loner ben solo, who am I kidding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2020-03-30 02:18:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 60,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19032730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sillypennie4/pseuds/Sillypennie4
Summary: Rey falls in love for the first time, during her last year at summer camp.Rey was never interested in boys, maybe because her heart was too broken from being abandoned by her parents to love someone else.  Then on a hot summer day, she sees HIM and is permanently altered. Rey had no interest in boys before, because what she needed to awaken her ardor was a brooding, dark-haired man.





	1. Chapter 1

On a bright summer day, an old yellow bus wound down a narrow road. The shocks went bad a long time ago so the passengers jostled around, knocking into one another. It only served to make the teens in their seats more boisterous with shrieks and giggles.

Rey wiped the sweat from her brow using the back of her hand. Every window opened wide, letting in a strong breeze still too humid to cool them. Even the joy of seeing all of the green trees and long grass could not distract her from the sweltering heat. They weren't far now. Any moment she would see the sign welcoming them to Camp Resistance. She loved these yearly trips up to the country. The city was always so gray and bleak. All of the concrete and metal robbed any joy a beautiful day could bring. Rey had not known so much green existed in the entire galaxy until she had gone to Camp Resistance in Takodana for the first time. The side of Rey's mouth curled up into a smile as she thought about the coming weeks ahead. She would wake up to birds chirping instead of horns honking. She would be surrounded by fresh air and clear nights where she could see every star in the sky. Greedily looking out her window, she savored the landscape.

She had heard of this summer oasis from her case worker, Maz. Camp Resistance accommodated for underprivileged teens so it didn't cost one red cent to her cheapskate guardian to send her there. For a full two months she would be away from her foster father, Plutt, and his dingy repair shop.

Sighing, Rey lamented. This would be her last summer. She just turned 17. By the time next summer rolled around she would be 18, a legal adult and unable to return as a camper. In a few years she might be able to work there on staff, but she knew they didn't hire anyone below 21. They wanted enough of an age gap between campers and the workers so the older teens didn't get too rebellious listening to someone only a year older than themselves.

A shoulder bumped next to hers, but this time the person sitting beside her had done it on purpose. Her best friend Finn smiled widely at her. Finn was undoubtedly handsome, but when he smiled it warmed her to her toes. Rey adored him, and it wasn't for the first time she wished she could fall in love with him. But it wasn't something she could wish into being, despite how badly she wanted it.

Rey long ago suspected her heart would not allow amorous feelings toward anyone. Girls at her high school would be interested in boys and dating, when Rey couldn't care less. Perhaps it was self preservation, to keep herself from being devastated when the one she loved inevitably left her. Her parents had.

"Did I lose you there, Peanut?" Finn asked, his eyes crinkling as his grin widened.

"You would never lose me Finn. You are stuck with me," Rey answered with a twinge of self consciousness that she was being too clingy.

He slung an arm around her lightly, "Good!" He gave her shoulder a small squeeze before letting go.

A few seats down, almond eyes set in a round face turned back to give them both a shy wave, her cheeks turning pink.

Finn waved back, as his expression turned sentimental. They held each other's gaze. Rey turned her attention back to the window feeling like she was an intruder. Her stomach twisted with melancholy. If Finn and Rose were not together already, the coming summer would change that. They both met Rose at school. Finn had told her about Camp Resistance and Rey tried not to feel betrayed. Of course Rose registered for the summer.

Usually Rose spent most of her time with her older sister Paige. They were very close. But Paige being a few years older, couldn't come as a camper and had no interest in working all summer full time to be on staff.

Rey didn't like the idea of pathetically fighting for Finn's attention for two months, so she resigned herself to the fact this year she would be alone. She didn't fancy the idea of being a third wheel while Finn and Rose made eyes at each other.

Rose sat with Jessika Pava, a very pretty and popular girl. Rose got along better with people than Rey did. Finn was her best and only friend. It felt like cruel fate Rose could have as many friends as she liked and was taking Finn too. Her treacherous emotions told her she wasn't good enough and that's why she would always be neglected.

Rey swallowed back her hurt, forcing a smile. She wouldn't let this ruin her last year at camp. Ignoring the negative thoughts, she sought to list all the good things to come. All the food she could eat, hiking trails, swimming, sunny green days, canoeing…

~*~

"Ok everyone make sure you find your bag in the van! Jyn has the girl's cabin assignments and Cassian has the boys!" Maz called as she checked each name of the passengers getting off the bus.

The arrival at camp was always a mad dash of people getting their luggage, finding cabins and getting settled in. Old friends who hadn't seen each other since last summer clapped each other on the backs or clasped hands jumping up and down and squealed.

Rey lugged her army grade duffel over her shoulder. She ignored the judgmental assessment of some of the prissy girls as she passed.

A small line had formed in front of Jyn as she looked up each name on her clipboard and let them know their cabins. Jyn was in her light blue staff polo and white shorts. Her jet black hair was up in a high ponytail and her light eyes flashed in the sun. Rey tapped her foot impatiently as she crossed her fingers for cabin 13.

"Name?" Jyn asked in her accent and not lifting her face from the roster.

"Rey Niima."

At this, the young lady's head snapped up."Oh Hi, Rey, welcome back! It's good to see you," Jyn smiled before saying "Cabin 11, enjoy! Next!"

"Wait a minute," Rey asked biting her bottom lip. This was her last year and she had been waiting for cabin 13, but never got it. "Is there anyway I can change my cabin?"

Jyn sighed as if tired of hearing that statement, "Listen, cabin assignment is what it is. No amount of begging to be in the same cabin with your other friends, or ones with better bathrooms, is going to change it."

"But, Jyn, this is my last year and I had my heart set on cabin 13. I have never been assigned 13." Rey held up her hands as if pleading.

Jyn laughed, "Rey, you have cabin 11, hands down the nicest one and you WANT to be changed TO cabin 13? We only use that cabin when we have to, for late sign ups. It's the furthest one out and the oldest, it is practically overgrown with weeds and trees. They changed the number of the cabin to 13 because it is such a dump. The showers and toilets are OUTSIDE."

"That's the best part!" Rey explained excitedly.

"Ok, weirdo!" Jyn rolled her eyes fondly. "I am sure someone originally assigned to 13 wouldn't mind if I switch them." Jyn made some marks on her paper. She pointed the end of her pen at Rey. "Don't tell anyone I did this for you! You are only going to have two other campers with you. Maz will be your councilor."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

Jyn waved her away before she yelled "Next!"

Rey spotted Maz helping the younger kids find their spots and getting them settled. She was sure Maz would be a while, and Rey was anxious to get to her home for the rest of the season. She hiked up her duffel and dredged her way to cabin 13.

The muscles in Rey's legs strained, unused to the uneven terrain. In a few days the long cumbersome walk to 13 would be second nature. Huffing up the steep trail Rey's hands became slick while she tried to grip her bag. Beads of sweat rolled down her back, leaving an odd ticklish sensation. She would need a shower soon. Rey thankfully had tied her hair in its usual three buns, not being able to stand all her hair plastered to her neck.

Finally she saw the front porch and steps of the dark wood cabin, encased in foliage. The shade of the trees was a pleasant respite from the direct sunlight. Rey's foot falls creaked the floorboards outside the entrance. This was it, cabin 13. Her heart felt lighter than it had all year. Dropping her bag on the splintering floorboards, she heaved a breath. She couldn't wait to flop onto one of the beds and enjoy the rush of the wind and the clicks and chirps of nature surrounding her. Before she could step inside, she noticed an abandoned toolbox. She frowned inspecting the open metal lid and the hardware inside. Rey startled at a thump like a door shutting.

Rey snatched up a large wrench. No one should be there. Creeping around the building, Rey's mouth went even dryer than before, anticipating what the noise could be. Her steps were measured and quiet. Her breathing sounded much too loud to her own ears.

Splashing water and the hiss of an old metal shower head cut through the sounds of nature. Pressing herself against the side of the little shack she peeked around the corner to the backside. There were a few outdoor showers located behind the cabin for some privacy. They were structured like stalls with an open top and bottom. The walls were sufficient to cover someone's body, but not for the man who occupied it now.

It was his shoulders she noticed first, because the divider only reached up to his chest. His upper back was pale white, and broad, flecked with tiny black spots. Thick muscles shifted under his skin as he moved. Rivulets of water flowed down his sculpted form making a path, outlining the shape of him. His large hands raised to scrub shampoo in his long midnight hair, causing his arms to flex. The movement left Rey frozen and on fire all at once. His eyes were closed, leaving a fringe of dark lashes to rest on his checks. He seemed pleased as he stood under the spray of water. His full lips curved up, under a prominent nose.

There was something about his long face that spoke to a deep, dormant part of her. Almost like powering on an antiquated lost piece of machinery for the first time in decades. She didn't even want to blink, afraid to lose a millisecond of the scene before her. She allowed this feeling being brought to life, to slowly unfold inside her.

He ducked his head to wash the suds from his hair until the water ran clear from the shampoo. A deep rumbling sigh left his mouth and Rey thought she could feel the vibration of the sound resonate through her body. Pushing back his hair, he rubbed his face. The water rolled and down the long column of his neck. The droplets refracted the sunlight, making his skin glisten like his body was draped in crystals. His eyes fluttered open and Rey was unprepared for the intensity of his stare.

At first when he turned, the color of his beautiful brown eyes kept her arrested. She could do nothing but stare back at him dumb and unmoving. A title wave, stronger than mother nature, more terrifying than a tsunami, knocked her breathless as flames swallowed her whole. His expression once pensive transformed into disgust.

"Who the hell are you?" His voice was vicious and captivating.

Rey hadn't even realized until that precise moment she had stepped away from the building, standing exposed without anything to hide behind.

"Kid! I'm talking to you." He yanked the valve down, cutting off the water and pulled a towel around his waist.

Rey blinked stupidly, her mouth moving but no sounds coming out.

"What are you doing here? Why are you holding my wrench?" His voice hardly raised but his face flushed with anger.

Her attention finally ripped away from him to see she did still have his wrench clutched in her hand. And then everything came flooding back to her.

"Me?" She yelled back with annoyance. "I was assigned here! I'm supposed to be here. I heard strange sounds in a cabin that was supposed to be empty. Who are you and what are you doing here?" She held up the metal tool like a sword, her brow pulling together, and her feet set apart. "Why are you taking a shower in a girl's cabin; are you some kind of pervert?!"

The man pulled back stunned with her accusation. Shaking his head he spit, "You shouldn't be here. Nobody's supposed to be here until the 23rd!"

"It is the 23rd!" Rey argued, brandishing her weapon.

All the color drained from his face and Rey could see him doing mental gymnastics to work out the date. His face scrunched and he let a litany of curses pour from his mouth. From a small hook on the cabin exterior, the man snatched his clothes and began to dress in the shower stall.

He rushed out fully dressed. His shorts hung low on his hips and his t-shirt stretched across his upper body.

The man breezed past her, and Rey could do nothing but watch as he took his tool box and stomped his way back up the trail to the main buildings.

~*~

After a long time of standing outside trying to make sense of what had happened, Rey finally dragged her belongings inside. She picked the bed right by the window collapsing into it. The stolen wrench sat next to her on the bed. Her knees felt weak as her mind kept playing in a loop the memory of his powerful wet body. She felt overheated and it had nothing to do with the temperature. The imagine branded into her mind permanently. Rey felt irreversibly altered somehow, like she was not the same girl she was this morning.

The front door swung open and Maz came in weighed down with knapsacks, luggage and bags.

"Settled in already?" She asked, huffing and plopping her things down next to a bed on the far corner.

"Yes," Rey smiled unsure if she should tell Maz about the man she discovered in their showers. At this point Rey assumed he was someone on staff. After their encounter he seemed to be walking toward the main grounds not fleeing into the woods like a fugitive.

"It looks like we will only have two more girls in this cabin with us and they are getting their bags and heading over. Once they get here we will have time to unpack before we go to the mess hall to sign up for activities." Maz adjusted her thick glasses on her wrinkled nose. "Is that a wrench?" She flicked her finger in the direction of the object sitting on top of her bed.

"Oh! Yes. You can never be too careful when it comes to personal security," Rey joked. At Maz's apprehensive expression Rey clarified, "It was left out on the porch. I was going to return it to the main office. They might have left it while they were opening up the grounds for the summer."

Maz nodded.

"How was I supposed to know we would end up in 13?" came a girl's voice as the door creaked open.

"Your cousin works here. You couldn't pull strings?" A second asked.

The first voice made an annoyed sound, "Oh please, knowing him, he probably assigned me this cabin on purpose thinking it would be funny to stick me here."

Two girls about Rey's age stumbled in balancing all of their cumbersome belongings.

They both stopped as if stunned anyone else would be in there.

"Hhheeeeyyy," waved a freckle faced strawberry blonde. Her hair was cropped short in a bob and she had eyes so dark they could have been pitch black. She was round and could rival Maz in a shortness contest.

"Hi," said the other girl shyly. She was long and willowy with a sweet face and large brown eyes. Her curly blonde hair was tied in two buns, each on the side of her head.

"Hello girls! Welcome to cabin 13," Maz said warmly holding up a small stack of papers. "I will be your charge for the next two months and I hope we will all get along well. My name is Maz Katana. This is Rey Niima and from my paperwork it says one of you should be Kaydel Ko Connix and the other Billie Bethany Gate."

The tall one snickered as the short one smacked her arm. "Please don't ever say that horrible name out loud again. Just B.B."

Maz hummed amused as she took a pen out to write on the page. "Alright B.B. Gate it is."

"And you can just call me Connie. Everyone else does," the tall girl answered.

The four of them gave one another awkward smiles and the two new arrivals claimed beds. They unpacked in relative silence.

~ * ~

The mess hall was packed with kids, and the large open space amplified all the laughing, talking and movement. Some kids still wandered around signing up for scheduled activities. Rey had chosen hers rather quickly, knowing what they had to offer, from being there all the previous years. She sat observing her fellow campers. A handful of people she already knew, but wasn't friends with. Finn was really the only person she felt comfortable enough to connect with.

Weaving through the crowd of campers, Finn came over to her. They had to sit with their cabin mates for meal times, and certain activities, but for the most part Rey spent most of the summer goofing off with Finn.

"Heya Finn," Rey said brightly as he stood beside her.

"Hey Reybee." Finn's usual enthusiasm seemed dampened, causing her to be concerned.

"Is everything okay?" Rey asked leaning toward him.

"I wanted to talk to you about this first before I did it. I know you aren't interested in doing swim classes, but Rose really wanted to do it. So would you care if I didn't do archery with you third session this year?"

Rey didn't think Finn would be leaving her to hang out with Rose this early. It was only the first day. She swallowed back her apprehension forcing a smile. "It's no big deal! It's just one session, of course I don't mind. But we are still doing horseback riding for second session right?"

"Totally! Rose and Jess are pumped to join us this year," Finn said.

She knew he was trying to be encouraging, and she liked Rose, but she didn't know Jess that well and she tended to shut down around people she wasn't comfortable around.

She saw the moment Finn detected her discomfort because he pouted. "Rey, I know you are nervous about Jess, but you guys will hit it off." Finn's eyes were sad. Rey couldn't expect Finn to be her only friend forever. Him getting sick of her though was happening faster than she thought. It was an inevitability.

"You're right. I will try to be less of a social recluse." Rey didn't tell Finn anxiety roared in her chest.

"That's my peanut!" Finn praised. "I am getting back to my table. See you after, maybe?"

He walked away without looking back and Rey felt like he was getting so much further from her than just across the room.

"Was that your boyfriend or something?" Connie asked sitting beside Rey. Her eyes depicted kindness instead of intrusiveness. "He is really cute."

Rey made a tight lipped smile. "He is my best friend." She didn't attempt to make any more conversation and Connie didn't pester her for more information and it softened her to the blonde girl.

B.B. took a seat next to Connie, at their round table. The smaller cabins had round tables and the larger ones had rectangular ones with long benches on each side.

A loud whistle blew, stealing everyone's attention instantly. Everyone turned to a swarthy, handsome man standing at the head of the dining hall. His perfect teeth shone bright as he set his feet shoulder width apart and placed his hands on his hips.

"Hello campers! And welcome to Camp Resistance! Let's give it up for the great summer we are going to have!" He clapped loudly and everyone was emboldened to whoop, holler and clap. "I am Poe Dameron for those of you that are new here. I am the activities director and I know we are going to have a great summer, but we have some rules to go over and our daily schedule…"

Poe was a dynamic enough presence to hold everyone's attention as he made his announcements. The audience was held so captivated she doubted anyone but her noticed a handful of people slip in through the side door.

Her heart stopped as her lips parted. There was no mistaking who the tallest in the group was. His dried hair waved glossy and thick, framing his unique face. Even though he was fully clothed, she could not stop imagining him naked and drenched. A rush of want flooded her veins. Rey didn't know what had come over her. 24 hours ago she had zero interest in boys, now she had to grip the side of the table to keep from throwing herself into his arms. His very thick and capable arms. Him and the three other men he entered with, leaned against the wall as Poe continued. She noticed as he stood there watching Poe, a slight sneer touched his features.

".... Now if you all remember those rules we will have a happy and safe time here at Camp Resistance!"

More cheering ensued, and the bell clanged in the mess hall signaling meal time. Each table went up by cabin. Being number 13 meant they were one of the last tables to go, giving her more time to blatantly stare at the dark haired, brooding eye candy. He hadn't caught her staring once, and she drank him up in full. When he had disappeared from view back into the kitchen, she still watched the door waiting to see if he would come back. He hadn't.

Later, under the cover of the night sky, Rey dreamed of her hands grasping shoulders made of alabaster, and a deep rumbling voice whispering sweet nothings in her ear.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah this chapter happened, unplanned. Corrections being made during the week as I notice snafus.

Rey was ripped from her dream by the blaring alarm. Popping straight up from her bed, her head whipped around disoriented with her surroundings. She smacked her clock radio silencing her alarm, trying to stop her ears from ringing. It took Rey some time to finally come back to her current reality. Moments ago she had been happy and safe, some place familiar with someone she knew as well as herself. Flopping back down to her pillow, she closed her eyes trying to hold on to the the fleeting images with no success. It was gone. Rey pushed herself up on her elbows scanning the dark room.

 

B.B. still snored, sprawled out on her bed. Her sleeping bag unzipped wide open.

 

Connie rubbed her eyes and stretched, smacking her lips and grunting her discontent at the early hour.

 

"Good morning, ladies!" Maz greeted much too loud and peppy for the early hour. "I was wondering when you lazy bones would wake up! I have been awake for hours!"

 

Rey checked her clock, concerned she had somehow over slept. It still said 7:30am. "Maz, what time did you get up?"

 

"5am as usual! Up with the sun!" Maz proudly proclaimed, her chest pushed out.

 

Rey shook her head in disbelief. It wasn’t that she hated mornings, she just obviously didn’t like them as much as Maz. Grabbing her toiletries she dragged herself out of bed, and throwing on shoes she walked outside to the back of the cabin. The day was already getting warm, with only a slight chill lingering on the air. Light filtered through the canopy of leaves, giving the day a pleasant glow. Stopping abruptly half way to the showers, a shiver ran down her spine. The action gave her a dizzying feeling of deja vu, and holding her breath she turned the corner. No one was there. She loosened a breath as her shoulders dropped half from relief and half crest fallen at the empty partitions.

 

Stepping into the same stall as the one her mystery man occupied the day before, she disrobed. Pushing up the valve the water sprang to life, spitting at first ice cold. Rey adjusted the temperature until it was refreshing and lathered her body. Showering outside was different and incredible. All around, life thrived. The sun warmed her fully exposed skin and the gentle breeze felt like a caress on her damp flesh. Somewhere birds twittered back and forth with one another. Rey hummed in contentment, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath of fresh air.

 

She tried to concentrate on the moment, but uninvited thoughts of HIM snuck their way into her mind while alone.

 

Rey remembered his large hands kneading his hair and pondered what they would feel like running through her own. Rey slowed her hands as she washed and thought about him, about his voice, and those eyes…

 

"Are they kidding me with this?" Rey heard B.B. whine.

 

Rey pulled her hands away from her torso and up to her head, digging her fingers through her tresses, trying not to look guilty.

 

There were three shower stalls and B.B. left the middle one empty while entering the last one in the row.

 

"What genius engineer designed this place thinking showers and toilets outside was a good idea?!" B.B. asked. "I'm telling you it was some nut with a tree kink."

 

Rey fought the smile B.B.'s rant was pulling from her.

 

"How are you so calm?" B.B. asked Rey, her arms full. "I feel like showering outside can give you sepsis or something, can't it? Or am I thinking of tetanus?" She paused her face screwing up in thought. "I don't know, but I am sure we can catch some disease ending with an 'us', showering amongst wild life."

 

A laugh burst from Rey unable to hold back anymore. B.B. was definitely odd, but not in a bad way. Rey listened to B.B. continue to complain and it was the perfect distraction from her musings about a certain someone.

 

~*~

 

The rest of the morning Rey spent her time mentally scolding herself for the need to search the mess hall every few minutes for the shower Adonis. Rey tucked into her oatmeal as the rest of the girls at the table made conversation.

 

"Hola, mi, prima favorita! I trust you like your cabin?" Came an accented deep voice.

 

All four spun around to Cassian, smirking at them. He held his body with confidence and his movements hinted at the dancer within him.

 

“Hola, Maz,” he winked, and the older woman giggled like a schoolgirl.

 

"Favorite cousin my ass!" B.B. responded, pointing her fork at him. "I knew you had something to do with giving me and Connie cabin 13!"

 

Poe trotted up behind Cassian, his curly hair bouncing. "I helped too," Poe added, his smile so big it threatened to split his face.

 

"Of course you did," B.B. said to Poe, rolling her eyes but smiling. "You two have been friends since you were babies. I should have suspected you were in on it too."

 

"You should be thanking me,” Cassian said with mock hurt. “It was the only way to make sure you and your friend ended up in the same cabin.”

 

"Yeah. I will make sure to thank you two when some sexually deviant squirrel comes along to get his rocks off by watching me pee," B.B. deadpanned.

 

The group burst out into uproarious laughter.

 

Poe chuckled as he messed up B.B.'s hair affectionately. "You know out of all Cassian's cousins you’re my favorite. That's why I went through the extra trouble to change cabin assignments for him. Ladies, enjoy the rest of your day," Poe saluted.

 

Cassian and Poe left together and Connie blushed as she waved them away.

 

Maz stood with her empty cup of coffee, “See you for lunch ay, girls?” She cracked her back, treading along and they mumbled goodbyes.

 

"Cassian is your cousin?" Rey asked, not wanting to be rude by asking why they did not look anything alike.

 

B.B. laughed, "Okay, I have been through this enough times to know what you are really asking. Yes, we are cousins. Biological cousins. We don't look alike because his dad and my mom are siblings, Mexican. My dad is 100% Irish and his mom is Cuban. I take after my father's side of the family."

 

"Oh," was all Rey could answer.

 

B.B. shrugged, "That's genetics for ya."

 

Rey found herself lost in her own mind. She had always assumed if she ever saw her parents again they would recognize each other right away, seeing the same features, but perhaps not. What if she walked right past her mother and father and they didn't resemble her at all, and she kept walking? Maybe they would never recognize her either. All these years she assumed a loving mother would see her face and know Rey was her little girl. She could have siblings, half siblings, or cousins and never know.

 

Suddenly not feeling so hungry, Rey forcefully slid back from the table, the legs of the chair scraping against the tile floor. The back of her chair smacked into something solid and she saw the girl's cringe at something behind her.

 

"Hey, watch it!"

 

Rey felt that familiar voice ring through her and she about faced, springing to her feet, turning bright red, knowing who she would see behind her.

 

His nostrils flared and his full lips formed a hard line. This close she could see details of him she hadn't noticed before, like a small scar on his chin. And his jaw was slightly uneven. His eyes were brown but amber toward the center of his iris.

 

She began to sputter, "I -um- I am so sorry. I didn't see you and I didn't mean to-"

 

His brow fell low over his eyes as he glared at her. She thought he had paused for a moment, and some unnamed emotion flitted there. He growled a sound of aggravation before stalking away. Rey's heart stuck in her throat as he drew her attention like a super magnet. He headed up to the counter, snatching a plate and scooping up eggs and bacon.

 

Feeling more embarrassed than she ever had, she shuffled to the front. Not wanting to see B.B. and Connie’s pitying faces, she put her bowl away, keeping her chin down. Discreetly, she tried to peek at him again, and found him already studying her. Every cell in her body felt as if it had spontaneously combusted. Rey was having a heart attack. He pressed his lips, and tapped his fingers beside his dish before giving her his back, and stomped away.

 

~*~

 

Rey spent the rest of the day inexplicably alert. She would see a flash of dark hair and perk up like a meerkat. These emotions were bothersome and she hated it. She hated there was no logical explanation, no way to separate them from her. He hadn’t been kind to her, he wasn’t as good-looking as Finn, Poe or Cassian. He had to have been much older than her as well. At the very least, he was 21, and Rey knew nothing about him. Despite all these things, he called to her like a siren song, hypnotic and all encompassing.

 

It wasn't until later that day she saw him again at the end of their second session class. They had finished horseback riding and the day was not as uncomfortable as she had imagined. She had laughed along with Finn, Rose and Jess as they did most of the talking. They had tied their animals in the stables and were leaving to go to third session activity, when she spotted him fixing one of the corral fences. His face was set in concentration as a second man helped him hold the broken wooden boards in place. The tapping of the hammer slamming the nails into the wood carried over to her. She observed him speaking to the other man but couldn’t hear their voices. She followed the movement of his mouth. He shined, glossy with sweat. Standing dumbly her lungs clenched when he pulled the bottom of his t-shirt up to wipe his forehead. The muscles of his stomach contracted as they gleamed, not overly defined but flat, solid and perfect. Rey swallowed, her mouth pooling with far too much saliva.

 

He shifted and he discovered her gaping at him. Rey spun on her heal, as soon as he noticed her and she scurried away.

 

8888888888

 

Ben Solo knew that girl was staring at him again. At this point, he had become accustomed to the weight of her gaze. Three days. It had been three whole days of her wide hazel green eyes following his every move.

 

Those eyes haunted him the moment he had seen them staring at him in the shower. They had fixed on him, shocked, maybe frightened, but they were beautiful and set in an even lovelier face, but so young. Too young.

 

Then he remembered where he was. He was working as a grounds keeper at his family’s summer camp, which was not supposed to be opened yet. There were two more days until the first day of camp, which meant this girl was trespassing, and he got angry. He had planned to find out who she was, what she was doing there, and get the police involved if he had to.

 

He had felt like an asshole when she told him it was the 23rd. She seemed too rattled by his presence to be lying. In fact, the little firecracker had even swung her wrench at him thinking he was the trespasser. Then he was furious for a completely different reason.

 

Poe Dameron.

 

He dressed and marched right into his office at the main building. Sure enough, campers crawled everywhere like cockroaches. He found that douchebag lounging back in his chair, his feet on the desk. Checking the office calendars, his suspicions proved correct.

 

Poe knew Ben was a bit of a recluse, always in his own cabin, much further away from everyone else. He preferred the company of books to people and constantly read. Sometimes he would go days without checking his cell phone or talking to anyone. Of course, this gave Poe the perfect opportunity to play a prank on Ben. Poe had changed the calendar in his cabin to a fake one. He had thought it was only the 21st as his calendar had stated, not the 23rd.

 

The rat bastard laughed so hard he nearly wet himself when Ben explained his prank had gone better than he expected. Not only was Ben caught off guard thinking there was a rebellious squatter showing up, but she had seen him nude.

 

Ben was not amused at all. The young girl who found him couldn’t be more than 17, and could claim harassment or think he was a sexual predator. Poe told Ben he was over reacting, but his stomach had still twisted that first evening waiting for her to accuse him of indecent exposer.

 

He had done his best to completely ignore her, while he was in the dining hall later that day, thinking if he even made eye contact with the girl she would misinterpret his actions.

 

As hard as he tried, to pretend she did not exist, his thoughts inexplicably kept going back to her. There was something about her that felt familiar, like they had met somewhere before. The way she had stood across from him in the forest holding his wrench like a saber, felt like an off kilter repeat of something else. He loathed being around people and liked dwelling on them and their motivations even less, but she elicited strange sentiments from his dormant heart. Her face, her eyes, the sound of her accent… He hated the way she made him feel. She occupied too much of his thoughts.

 

The next morning he had awoken ill tempered about being pulled from pleasant dreams of small, firm hands on his shoulders as he whispered lovingly into their ear. Some kid had nearly knocked him over at breakfast. He thought he had just snapped at some random camper. When THE GIRL stuttered her apology, he was admittedly perturbed. Out of anyone who could have bumped into him it had to be her. He fled, wanting to get away from her as soon as possible, but couldn't help analyzing her small frame and those strange three buns. He was sure he had never seen anyone do that with their hair before, so why had it made him feel so nostalgic.

 

Over the last few days she somehow always seemed to be in his orbit. Her presence screamed itself and he couldn’t remain aloof. It was also not helping she watched him all the time. He assumed all of her scrutiny was because she was wary of him, and making sure he didn’t pull a fast one on her. She always observed him with a peculiar, startled, unblinking fear. Her pupils would blow out wide like a frightened dear and her shoulders noticeably moved as she took deep breaths. Ben had lamented traumatizing the girl because it gave him no pleasure unsettling her.

 

With each passing day, his curiosity about her grew, with a nagging mélange of emotions. As the odd pull toward her strengthened, the greater his distress became. Logically these feelings didn’t make any sense, frustrating him. He was a 26 year old man and she was a teenager at his family’s camp. She might have not even been anywhere near 17. Disgust washed over him. He shouldn’t be wondering where she was from, and what her name is. He shouldn’t be daydreaming about the fiery look she had in her eyes while in the forest. Ben had to stay away from her. Far away. He would do everything in his power to shut down these feels. There was no way he would get anywhere near her.

 

~*~

 

Rey still didn’t know his name. She couldn’t even explain to herself why it was so important. Four days later and she hardly knew anything about him. Little clues, gave her a good estimation of his personality. Short tempered was one. She had seen him get frustrated once, when a bolt would not move and he roared and whaled on the metal with his wrench. (He apparently got a new one, since she never gave back the first one.) Aside from the calm pleasant expression he had the first day, under the spray of water, he didn’t smile in the slightest. He worked alone most of the time, and when he did have help, he seemed to say very little. A soft, far off reverie claimed his focus every so often. He was introspective. Rey wanted to know what he was thinking about.

 

“Rey, are you with us?” Jyn’s voice cut.

 

Rey blinked and shook her head. Her grip loosened on her bow and the arrow that had been placed there had fallen to the floor.

 

“Keep it together, Rey!” Jyn ordered. “We are dealing with weapons!”

 

Rey had to stop herself from rolling her eyes. These youth practice arrows were far from dangerous. The archery field sat in a large clearing. They were all lined up taking aim at targets. Rey had taken archery nearly every summer since coming to camp. She had gotten rather good and Jyn gave her more complicated shots. Some bulls eyes were further away. Others had been placed in the trees or on large blocks of hay. They even had set ups for moving targets. The younger kids, or new people taking archery for the first time, practiced in a different section.

 

Rey sighed. She didn’t know anyone else in this session and she regretted not making other friends beside Finn.

 

“Ok everyone to the line. Ready, set,” and she blew her whistle for them to release.

 

The swish of air and the hum of bowstrings filled the air. Rey straightened up taller at seeing how she had almost made a perfect bulls eye.

 

“Ms. Erso!” A young boy called, waving his arms. “One of the moving targets is broken again!”

 

“Fantastic,” she breathed. “Ok Collin, you and the other three go to the next section.” Jyn pointed. “Beginners class! On your marks. Ready. Set.” She blew her whistle and they were allowed to shoot. She pulled a walkie talky from her belt loop. Clicking the button, the handheld beeped, and static crackled, “This is Jyn, location archery field. Who wants to be my Knight in Shining Armor?”

 

“You know I would be,” Poe’s distinctive cadence answered over the walkie.

 

“I said a Knight, not the Court Fool,” Jyn replied good-natured.

 

“For that comment, Jyn, I will gladly come over and help you,” A rich voice answered, and Rey perked up.

 

Jyn’s smile broadened, “Thanks, Ben.”

 

Ben? As in Benjamin? Rey tossed it around in her mind trying to affix the name to the man. It seemed a bit old fashioned to her ears, but it seemed to fit him. The name certainly suited him more than if his name was something like Kyle.

 

Her nerves were on pins and needles as she anticipated his arrival. When she saw who was lumbering over their way, her pulse quickened. He was wearing a dark blue shirt today, unlike his usual black. She didn’t understand why he always wore such dark colors when he worked outdoors.

 

“Ok everyone, we are stopping for a few minutes, I just have to take care of this,” Jyn explained. “No one, takes a shot until I say so. Anyone does, they are benched the rest of the summer.”

 

He had a toolbox gripped in his hand as he made his way over to, Jyn. She gave him a relieved expression as her mouth turned up. Rey scrutinized back and forth from him and her, delighted to see he had not smiled at Jyn, even though most men would have.

 

“Is it a moving target again?” The man- Ben- asked. His eyebrows pulled together. He crossed his arms and he towered over Jyn, his body intimidating in it’s size. Facial hair began to grow on his chin and above his top lip. Her stomach fluttered as her attraction to him reached a new high.

 

Jyn nodded and Ben made his way over to the rudimentary device in question. The moving targets worked on a system of pulleys, weights and ropes. It often got jammed, rusty or a rope would snap. It usually was a simple fix, but would malfunction often. Ben stalked toward all the mechanisms, switching out pieces or oiling parts.

 

Rey changed targets, moving toward the end of the line, closest to where he labored so she could see his masculine hands fiddle with the delicate gears. Rey had a knack for building and fixing. Her fascination for how things functioned made her interested in perusing an engineering degree one day.

 

“Ok everyone. Line up to the blue line,” Jyn ordered. “Take your mark.”

 

Rey made a split second decision. Maybe what she was about to do was insane, but a primal need insisted she get closer to him.

 

When Jyn blew her whistle, Rey purposely aimed her arrow too much to the right and shot it into the branches beside where Ben worked. The arrow smacked into a thick tree trunk and tumbled down.

 

“Niima!” Jyn barked. “What the hell was that?”

 

“I am really sorry, Ms. Erso,” Rey called. “The sun got in my eye and it blinded me.”

 

“You should have never shoot if you didn’t have a clear view, Rey. And I don’t like to lose any of my supplies. For your carelessness, you will retrieve the lost arrow and sit out the rest of todays session. Hand me your bow and go.” She said cocking her head in the direction it had flown.

 

The campers simpered behind their hands as some oooed.

 

Rey surrendered her bow and quiver, but left on her arm guard.

 

Rey plodded to the edge of the grassy clearing, where Ben toiled. Doubt caused her hands to tremble as she closed in on him. He diligently tinkered, oblivious to her presence. As he hunched over, his t-shirt stretched on his back and she remembered his bare torso. She placed a hand over her heart; scared it would beat out of her chest.

 

Rey scanned the knotted roots, and tall grass. She looked up and spotted the arrow, caught in low hanging branches but continued to pretend to keep searching. Little grunts of exertion and sighs came from Ben, and she found the sounds scandalous. She had to do something. Say something. This may be her only chance to get close to him without raising suspicion.

 

“Did you happen to see where my arrow went to?” Rey asked, her lips numb.

 

“I didn’t see anything,” he mumbled.

 

Well this was going swimmingly. Rey swallowed a lump in her throat. She had to have lost her marbles. She hadn't thought this out at all. Nothing came to mind to say to him and he obviously wanted nothing to do with her. Her eyes prickled at how juvenile she felt. He wasn't some boy at her high school. He was a man. A mature adult. Rey resigned herself to the fact she would just spend all summer leering at him. This was her lot in life, to always long for what she couldn't have. It hurt. Weight pressed on her lungs so heavily it suffocated her. She hated how much she wished just to be near him.

 

Wavy locks fell on his face. "You're staring at me again," Ben said through tight lips.

 

Rey blinked and realized she had just been standing a few feet away, her eyes on him.

 

"You are always staring at me." His Adams apple bobbed in his throat, and Rey found it memorizing. He said it like a statement of fact as he kneeled on the ground hunched over random parts.

 

"I can't help it," Rey blurted, and she also couldn't maintain a reign on her tongue around him either. She winced at her honesty, scuffling her feet on the grass.

 

He let out a long breath of air out from his nose and shut his eyes. "How old are you?" Ben asked.

 

"17. Just turned a few weeks ago," Rey fiddled her fingers. "This is my last year."

 

He bolted up, standing straight and ran a hand through his hair. The sides of his jaw flexed like he was clenching his teeth. He scooped up his tools. "You still have my wrench," he said without facing her once.

 

"I could give it to you, if you want," Rey answered.

 

His head snapped to her, his eyebrows raised. She noticed the white knuckled hold on his box handle. Had she said something wrong?

 

"Return it to the office," Ben said with a course tone. He took a step like he was about to leave, but paused. "Your name is, Rey?" He asked her curiously.

 

She nodded. Her name from his mouth sounded like a caress. She wanted to listen to him say her name, again and again, forever. He was talking to her, actually talking to her and she didn't want him to stop. And his beautiful brown eyes were directed straight at her. "And you're, Ben; you work as maintenance? I didn't see you the other years I was here."

 

"Maybe you just didn't notice me," Ben answered monotone.

 

Rey puffed a chortle. "That's not possible,” she said incredulous at his statement. She had ducked her head a bit, wondering how she could be so honest with him. Her mouth kept moving without her permission. “Even if I hadn’t caught you in a girl’s cabin shower and threatened you at wrench point, there is no way I would have missed you.”

 

The sides of Ben's mouth twitched like he was fighting a smile. "True. I am hard to miss." He stood there staring at her, his brow wrinkling. She could see the gears turning in his head as if he were trying to solve a very complicated puzzle. “Did you need help finding that arrow?”

 

Rey beamed, “I would appreciate it.”

 

Ben clunked his things down and inspected the ground. Rey wasn't making any serious effort, giving him more glances than anything else. His expression softened but he still had a look of annoyed preoccupation. They had not said a word to one another, but this was the closest she had been to him and she basked in being in his presence. There was something harmonious between them, but also buzzed with excitement. Rey felt like she was ready to jump out of her skin.

 

“Ben?” from behind them, Jyn called.

 

Both jerked at the sound of his name. Jyn strode over into the shade the trees provided.

 

“Did you finish fixing the target?” She asked skeptically.

 

“Yeah, I was just helping, her find her arrow,” Ben gestured toward Rey.

 

The young lady, tilted her head questioningly. With a straight arm she pointed right at the arrow, nestled on some low twigs of a tree.

 

Ben rubbed the back of his neck while he said under his breath, “I thought it would be on the ground.”

 

“Uh- huh,” Jyn said as if she thought the both of them were complete morons. “Well, session has been over for a few minutes now. I thought you had left already and was wondering what was taking Rey so long."

 

All three stood for a tense moment before static came over Ben and Jyn’s radios.

 

“This is Holdo, at arts and crafts,” came a reedy voice. “Are there any knights who want to help me out over here? It’s a simple fix, the window won’t open.”

 

Ben couldn’t answer fast enough, “I’m not too far from you, I can do it.” Ben already started shuffling away.

 

“Sheesh, Ben,” came another voice Rey didn’t recognize. “You going for employee of the month or something? This is the fourth call in a row you have taken.”

 

“That’s why he is the master,” joked yet another.

 

“It’s okay, Ben I got this one.”

 

“I am not far. Someone can take the next one,” Ben aggressively insisted. He reached to free the arrow from the branches, handing it to Jyn. He left without checking back, his heavy-footed gait taking him further and further away.

 

Something in Rey’s chest pulled like an elastic rope was tied between them and the greater the distance between them, the greater the tension increased.

 

Jyn shrugged and waved her hand as if she didn't have time for his mood swings. She turned back to Rey with a hard expression, and remained unmoving. "Well?"

 

A wave of distress made Rey want to melt into the ground. Was it so blatant what she had done to get closer to Ben? She was being called out on her misconduct and choked on any excuses.

 

"Aren't you going to give me your arm guard and get to dinner, Niima? I haven't got all night."

 

Rey went slack. "Oh I am so sorry. I forgot." Her hands shook as she untied it then scampered to the mess hall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am bi-racial. The are-you-sure-you-are-cousins-because-you-look-nothing-alike struggle is real! I needed it as a plot device. B.B.8 and Cassian are cousins. Just go with it.
> 
> Update: I changed this chapter slightly and the next one too. I wasn't thrilled with Ben's character for this fic. I fixed it.


	3. Chapter 3

 

It was free time and Rey laid on her back in the tall grass alone. The clouds moved at a leisurely pace in the bright blue sky. Rey had gone on one of the many nature trails the camp had. Some were more challenging than others and Rey had decided to take the most difficult one because hardly anyone willingly did it for free time. The kids that took Nature class would be there during their activity sessions, but right now it was deserted. One of the look out points had a lush clearing Rey liked to stop. The air felt cleaner in her lungs. The scent of grass and pine, made her smile.

 

Here she didn’t have to be sociable. Rey felt a little like an outsider when it came to the other campers. It wasn't like Finn had been ignoring her that she would feel ostracized. He always include her. Rose and Jess were nice enough Rey just felt out of place. She had no interest in any of the Kardashians or housewives. She didn't find YouTube entertaining. Her clothes were strictly function over fashion. When she was back home, most of her time was spent under the hood of a car at Plutt's. Truth be told, she enjoyed it. She was fascinated with the cars working parts and felt accomplished when she was able to fix a problem. Rey also liked to read when she had a chance. Anything she could get her hands on at the library was usually fair game. 

 

She let her mind wander to two days ago. Ben was oddly absent since the archery field incident. They had a pleasant exchange when her idea had been successful. He even almost smiled. Being with him had felt right in a way she had never experienced before. Then a switch flipped and he became despondent. He had gone back to ignoring her.

 

Rey signed heavily rubbing her face in her hands. What was wrong with her? Being boy crazy wasn’t her. This strange infatuation with him was getting concerning. Thinking back on her actions, Rey wanted to find a dark corner and hide. Had she really said all those things to him? Watching him from afar was one thing, but actively orchestrating a plan merely to be close to him was something else entirely.

 

A door slammed and she flinched, her eyebrows pulling together. There shouldn’t be anyone near there. Booted feet crunched against gravel, and they were coming closer. The tall weeds rustled by the trail. She did not want to be out in the open, for some wood dwelling psycho to find.

 

Popping up from the open ground, she slid behind a thick tree trunk and spied around the side. Rey had to get her vision checked, because she couldn’t be seeing Ben Solo emerging from the woods. Yet there he was with his unmistakable silhouette. He trotted down a small winding path. His head of dark hair rustled in the wind as he went in the opposite direction of Rey. He hadn’t seen her and took the route leading back to the main campgrounds. A small indent of grass and a narrow line of dirt had been created from some one repeatedly treading in the same direction. If she had not seen Ben walking down it, then it would have been invisible. Her head craned making sure he had disappeared.

 

Rey bit her lip. She knew she shouldn’t follow the small trail leading to an unknown location. Walking into the forest when there was not a clear course marked was dangerous. The way he had come was not mapped. Curiosity killed the cat, but Rey was a survivor, always had been. And she survived by being level headed and using her better judgment. So she was NOT going to follow the pathway, no way at all.

 

~*~

 

Reaching the end of the winding track, Rey’s mouth hung open. A tingling excitement twitched her fingers. It was a cabin. Nestled deep in the wild was something modest but newer than the camper cabins. The windows were wide, and it had a simple rectangular shape. This was where Ben must stay. Rey buzzed with conflict. What she could find inside would unearth so much about this mysterious man she felt inexplicably drawn to. Going any further to his dwelling however, would cross over into stalker territory. People didn’t just sneak into other people’s homes. Even if this was just his temporary quarters, it was still his own personal space. Wrestling with her thoughts, Rey ultimately discovered herself inching closer.

 

Her heart pounded as something otherworldly beckoned her forward. He wouldn’t even know she was there if she just took a small peek to slake her burning interest. Honestly, chances were the door was locked anyway.

 

Rey turned the handle and the entrance opened, whining on its hinges. Her toes wiggled in her shoes. Momentary doubt kept her outside as she desperately fought to forget she ever saw this place. She lifted her foot and soundlessly took her first step inside. Rey waited as if at any moment an alarm was going to blare. When nothing happened she moved in further. At first everything was dark as her eyes adjusted to the light in the room, but slowly details sharpened.

 

The space smelled lived in, like sandalwood and a warm musk. The scent of aged parchment perfumed the room. Piles of books littered the ground. The shelves were stuffed with novels having loose spines and worn covers.

 

A single bed squished into a corner, and the light blue sheets were unmade. Rey smiled to herself surprised they were not black. Rey tried to imagine him at night, alone in bed, his masculine physique stretched out. What did he sleep in? What did he sleep out of? Rey became jealous of his covers being able to enfold him every night. His bedside table had a clock, a lamp and a calendar where the dates didn’t match the correct days of the week.

 

He had an old stereo with a few c.d.s stacked beside it, atop a small, rustic dresser.

 

Despite the bed being unmade and the plethora of books, it was rather tidy. No clothes were thrown around the room, no left over food left out, or overflowing garbage. The cabin had it’s own indoor bathroom, which made Rey question why he used the shower at cabin 13 that first day.

 

Rey knew she was pressing her luck by staying longer but she wanted to know more about him. Bending to take a better look at the towers of books, she read the titles. _Anna Karenina, A Handmaid’s Tale, Atlas Shrugged, Lord of the Rings, The Count of Monte Cristo…_

 

Rey continued to read the titles. Some were modern, most were not. She knew a majority of the works, and had read a decent portion of them.

 

She picked up one, rather yellowed with time. D.H. Lawrence? She flipped it open to a random page. Rey began to read and her breathing picked up and her eyes went wide. Rey felt faint as a thrumming tingled low in her belly. She dropped it as if it had burned her. Her hands trembling, she tried to put it back exactly the way she found it, her heart thudding in her ribs.

 

“What are you doing in here?” A voice growled.

 

Rey whipped around to find Ben standing in the doorway of his own cabin, blocking the light from outside. Cold horror, splashed her like ice water.

 

Ben advanced into the cabin and Rey retreated back, holding out her hands as if to calm a spooked animal.

 

“I- I- I didn’t,” Rey had no idea what she was saying. All she could think about were the graphic things she just read and how she wanted to reenact them with the hulking man in front of her, his lips touching her in places no boy had even placed his hands. Her mind overloaded, her pulse erratic.

 

Rey bolted, blurring past Ben.

 

“Hey!” He yelled, but Rey didn’t dare look back.

 

She sprinted all the way back to 13 and told herself it was only the running making her breathe heavily.

 

88888888

 

Ben did his best to hide from Rey the next few days. He had caught her sneaking around in his room and was furious. It wasn't enough his every thought was inexplicably laced with HER, then she had to invaded his personal space too. If her initial alarm was any indication of how much he overreacted, then she probably now saw him as a monster. After she retreated from the room, he saw the book she picked up. Out of all of his literature, what were the odds she would pick up D.H. Lawrence? Ben didn’t own a lot of erotica because most of it was trash, but Lawrence had always been a favorite of his. After seeing that in his room she probably thought he was some sex crazed creep. 

 

Rey went back to her terrified surveillance of him. Every time he saw her, all he could think about was the way she had backed away from him, like she thought he would pounce. What tormented Ben most was why he even cared about some teenage girl. He should be thrilled she wanted to stay far away from him.

 

During the day he tried to stop his train of thought every time it wandered over to her, but at night while he slept, he had no control over it. He dreamed of a forest, very different from the one they were in now, in the dead of winter. Rey would stand in the snow, the wind whipping around her, her eyes alight. A deep primal part of him wanted to possess her. The need overwhelmed him so much he would awake searching for her in the darkness of his bedroom.

 

Ben in the present, snarled to himself as he violently weeded the camp entrance’s landscaping.

 

“Woah, woah!” came a voice from behind him.

 

Ben glowered at the speaker murderously, knowing it was Poe. He straightened back up from the ground.

 

“Solo, what the hell man? What did that dandelion ever do to you?” The handsome man asked strutting over.

 

At the moment Ben wished Poe was a dandelion. “You didn’t come out all this way to defend some vegetation. What do you want?”

 

Poe seemed genuinely tired with his snarky reply. “The other knights are throwing a party tonight. The staff are getting a little stir crazy. All work and no play, ya get me? We do parties every few weeks or so and I wanted to invite you. You seem real wound up, I think relaxing will do you some good.”

 

Ben’s lip curled. “Yeah hanging out with a bunch of people I hardly know, while they get drunk and stupid does not sound like my idea of a good time. How do you keep this secret from my mother by the way?” At Poe’s paling face Ben added with an eye roll, “Calm down, I wouldn’t say anything to her.”

 

“Well we have it out at the maintenance team’s cabin and it’s after lights out. Everyone comes except for the councilors because they are watching the kids. Come on Solo, I am inviting you because we have known each other since we were little and you look like you could use a good time. You are about ready to blow like a kettle.”

 

Instead of seeing a smirk on his face, there was actual concern. Poe’s sincerity let Ben lower his defenses a tiny bit. Ben wiped the sweat from his brow with his arm, squinting his eyes against the sun. Maybe he did need to have a drink and unwind a little. What would he do otherwise? He would sit in his room, read his books and think about a hazel-eyed girl. He needed a distraction. The leggy tan lifeguard had been very forward with him in the past. Bazine, he remembered. Maybe he just needed some female attention to get him to stop thinking about, Rey. He let out a long breath because he knew he was going to regret his next words.

 

“Yeah, okay.” At Poe’s jubilant expression Ben explained, “I am doing this once, and when I have a miserable time, you are never mentioning this to me again.”

 

“Atta boy, Bennie,” Poe patted Ben on the back and he wanted to smother him in his sleep.

 

~*~

 

Rey sat pouting as she hopelessly tried to tie pieces of colorful thread together to make a friendship bracelet. Connie had asked if she and B.B. would come with her. Rey had said yes because both girls had been so nice to her and she felt a kinship growing slowly but steadily with them. She especially warmed up to the bubbly and friendly B.B. who was persistent in spending time with her.

 

Finn spent more time with Rose, and Rey did nothing to point it out. She accepted he probably wanted to make out in the woods rather than go to the greenhouse with her and not make out. 

 

Beside spending time with the girls provided a much needed distraction from Ben. She had only seen him twice in the last three days and her raging hormones would not leave her alone. Rey had never felt like this before. She had heard the term "love sick" but didn't think it could feel like an actual plague.

 

At night she had dreams about him. She couldn't make sense of them. She would see Ben clad in black. Sometimes she would be on a desert and a black cloak would flap in the wind. Tiny flashes of his face commingled with blue and red lights. Maybe cop car lights? Because in some dreams Ben had a scar across the left side of his face.

 

Somehow the dreams would morph into undulating hips and soft sheets, sighs of pleasure, and interlocking fingers. She always awoke panting and sweat soaked. Rey would tell the other girls she had a night terror when they noticed her feverish. Maz's pitying expression was the worst because she was genuinely concerned something was wrong. Something was wrong, but not in the way she thought.

 

"How's yours coming along?" Connie asked excitedly, as she displayed her progress on a very respectable bracelet. 

 

"Mine is coming along great if we were supposed to make a pile of knotted string," B.B. responded chipper. "If so, I am a genius." 

 

Rey laughed.

 

B.B. dropped her project and checked over her shoulder, before lowering her voice. "Okay ladies, I have been meaning to talk to you and now is as good a time as any."

 

Rey's brow fell over her eyes and she abandoned any attempt to continue her project. B.B.'s serpentine smile intrigued her.

 

"Tonight there's going to be a party," she explained.

 

"A party?" Connie asked a little too loudly and B.B. slapped a hand over her mouth.

 

Rey straighten up in her chair. This didn't sound like something she would be interested in. A bunch of people crowding around, loud music, the stench of stale beer.

 

"Cassian has been working here for the last three summers and once the staff starts feeling restless they throw a party at the maintenance team's cabin. They are always the farthest out and they have more freedom than the councilors since they don't have any kids to watch. It's usually the activities staff and the administration of the camp since councilors can't leave their kids in the cabins unattended."

 

B.B. finally took her hand off of Connie's mouth.

 

Rey blinked. The maintenance team? Did that mean Ben would be there? Parties didn't seem like something he would go to, and he had his own place, because there were no other beds in the cabin. Closing her eyes she told herself to stop. Whether he was there or not, it didn't matter. She wanted her sanity back. She should make a decision to go based on herself and not on whether he would be there. He most-likely would not go to a party based on his personality. She didn't want to be alone in bed with Maz deep asleep and the girls gone. She would lay awake obsessing about the vivid dreams that would inevitably come.

 

"We would leave after lights out. After Maz is asleep. They put us in 13 so we are crashing their party." B.B. concluded.

 

Rey turned pink. There was no reason to tell them that she asked to be switched to 13 on purpose.

 

"No thanks," Connie replied. "If I get caught my parents would flip."

 

“Well, Rey that just leaves you,” B.B. said leaning her elbow on the table and resting her head in her hand. “I am going whether you come or not. My parents are in Europe all summer. Even if someone does get in contact with them, by the time they get back from their vacation they will forget I am supposed to be in trouble.”

 

“The good news for me, I guess, is that I have no parents to upset,” Rey admitted trying to make light of the situation.

 

B.B. froze, stunned, staring unmoving at Rey’s comment. She paid extra close attention to the table in front of her, before saying, “And I don’t think my foster father will care so long as I don’t get kicked out and have to come back early.” Rey tried to make it sound like a joke. It hadn't worked and B.B. seemed to take it very seriously. She waited for the pity, for the comments of consolement she hated so much. Instead, Connie continued weaving her bracelet and humming to herself and B.B. just nodded before saying, “Don’t worry, I will take the heat if there is a problem.” She winked and they both went back to trying to salvage their friendship bracelets.

 

~*~

 

The night air chilled Rey’s skin as her and B.B. used flashlights to move in the shadowed woods. They were taking one of the many hiking trails. Toward the middle of it, was supposed to be the location of the party.

 

“B.B.,” Rey asked with a tinge of panic in her voice. “Do you know where you are going?”

 

“Don’t worry. I know we have been walking for a while, but I told you the cabin is kinda far. Any minute now, we will hear the music and the lights and-” B.B. cut herself off as she pressed her finger to her lips.

 

Straining her hearing, Rey could hear people laughing and talking and music playing.

 

“See! Told you!”

 

“I think that it is just pure dumb luck that we found this cabin. We would have had to turn around if we didn’t find it soon!”

 

The lights coming from the decent sized lodge were bright enough Rey and B.B. could turn off their flashlights. Some people were standing outside taking long drags off of cigarettes while clutching a beer in the other hand.

 

As they both came closer, the people outside squinted their eyes at them suspiciously. Rey had no idea who they were. She had maybe seen a few of them working with Ben but the truth of the matter is, she didn’t really even glance at anyone else.

 

“Are you supposed to be here?” Asked a girl with a cigarette between their lips. She popped her ample hip to the side as she crushed a beer can in her hands.

 

“Do you mean in the cosmic sense?” B.B. asked without breaking her stride.

 

“Ok, good enough answer.” She shrugged. “Carry on.”

 

They pulled open the door and latin music blared out. Rey’s mouth hung open. The space packed with people and even though the light from the windows were the brightest thing out in the woods, once inside she noted the dim lighting. The setting provided dark enough corners were couples were necking. A long table was set with chips and dip and liquor. Lots and lots of liquor. People were red faced and unstable on their feet chattering enthusiastically. A group of staff played cards at a round table.

 

What caught her attention most were the dancers in the middle of the crowd. She supposed they were dancing but it looked more like they were grinding and dry humping. The body heat alone caused the room to increase in temperature, but watching the couples writhe together and touch ignited Rey. At the very center of the crowd was Cassian, blatantly pressing and rolling his hips against a thick, dark haired girl. He was against her back and she stuck her rear end out as they moved to the beat of the music.

 

Rey was so entranced with the scene before her she had not even noticed that B. B. had left her and headed over to the liquor. Realizing she was alone, Rey rushed to B.B.’s side.

 

“Cheers!” B.B. chirped as she held up a red cup with something pungent inside. She took a long gulp and then started coughing, her eyes watering. “Here have some.”

 

Rey drank before, the perks of having a foster father who really didn’t care what she did, but she had seen too many people party their brain cells away. Rey had a plan to make a better life for herself, so she was never too interested in it. She took a small sip just to loosen up, but it burned on it’s way down.

 

“That is absolutely disgusting!” Rey declared and she handed the cup back to B.B. with no intentions of taking a second sip.

 

“What the fuck guys!?”

 

Both of them turned to the voice. The voice was Poe Dameron, with his eyes flashing and his nostrils flared. He stomped over to B.B. snatching the red plastic cup from her hands.

 

“You two are not supposed to be here!” Poe shouted. “Where is Elle?! Was there no one watching the door when you got in?”

 

“Oh you mean a girl with wide hips and a death grip? She let us in,” B.B. explained cheerfully. A tinge of fuchsia already began to color the tip of her nose and her cheeks.

 

Poe grabbed B.B.’s arm, dragging her off to the side while he gave a pointed scowl at Rey indicating she had better follow or else. He took them as far away from the liquor table as possible. They tucked against a wall in shadow.

 

“You are in trouble. You are going to get bathroom cleaning duty for two weeks!” Poe declared wagging his finger at both Rey and B.B.

 

B.B. laughed.

 

“What do you think is so funny?” Poe demanded crossing his arms.

 

“If you give me bathroom duty then I am outing you guys and your little parties! I am sure the camp owners would love to know what events the camp activities director has been planning for the adults.”

 

Poe’s eyes narrowed, “You wouldn’t.”

 

B.B. tapped a finger to her lips and scrunched her face like she was trying to recall something. “Remember that time when you and Cassian were about 17 and you bet me I wouldn’t-”

 

“Alright, Alright!” Poe cut her off. “You can stay, only THIS time, because you already got in and I can’t send you back to your cabin with alcohol fresh on your breath. Eat some chips and dip or something,” Poe waved his hands gesturing toward the snacks. “I am keeping my eyes on you two the rest of the night though.”

 

“B.B.!” Cassian shouted as he left the group that was still dancing. “What are you doing here? Your parents would kill you.” Cassian was breathing heavy with an excited energy.

 

“Yeah, but they can’t kill me all the way from Italy.”

 

Cassian pushed his bottom lip out and lifted one side of his shoulders as if to say, _You have a point._ “Who is your friend?”

 

“This is Rey, she is one of my cabin mates,” B.B. flailed her hands at Rey as if she were a game show host showing off the brand new car.

 

“Hola, Rey bonita.” Cassian winked as he took her hand and placed a kiss on her knuckles.

 

Rey gave an unsure chuckle as he pulled away, and she quickly clasped her hands in front of herself.

 

Something behind Rey made Poe do a double take. His expression morphed into a devious grin. “Hey, Solo! I was starting to think you changed your mind about coming!”

 

“I said I would show up. Don’t make me regret this already when I have only taken two steps in here.”

 

Rey knew that voice, and it sent an electric thrill up her back. Spinning around she saw Ben make his way over to them. He was at least 3 inches taller than everyone else, pushing his way over and scowling as people backed away. His intimidation of the other staff should not have made her want to swoon. Rey knew the moment he caught site of her, because he began to blink rapidly as if he thought his sight was going bad.

 

“Poe? Why are there minors at this party?” Ben's jaw muscles ticking in annoyance.

 

Rey swallowed. He must really hate her for snooping around his room.

 

“I will give you the short version of the story,” Poe said leaning his back up against the wall. “Blackmail.”

 

“I am not okay with being here with some kids,” Ben icily grit, his back abnormally straight.

 

Rey’s stomach sank to the floor.

 

“Benjamin,” Cassian said firmly. “These are lovely young ladies, not children. Don’t be so brutish. B.B. will be 18 in the fall and Rey… How old are you Rey?”

 

“17,” Rey quietly answered.

 

“17!” Cassian declared. “Not young at all. In fact 17 is the age of consent in this state. In most states.”

 

“Yeah, cuz, you mentioning that doesn’t sound creepy at all,” B.B. snorted at him.

 

“I am merely making my point that you are closer to womanhood than childhood,” Cassian made a sheepish expression.

 

From across the room Rey noticed Jyn knocking back a bottle of liquor as she watched, unblinking, at herself and Cassian.

 

Their was a moment of silence in the room before another song came on. Cassian’s eyebrows raised and his eyes sparked. “I love this song! Rey do you know how to dance?”

 

Rey felt stiff and she jerked her head no.

 

“You really should take one of my dance sessions. Next month you get to switch. I would be honored if you took one of my classes. Come. I will show you the basics!” Cassian placed a hand on her elbow to gently coax her out toward the dance floor.

 

Rey saw Ben in her periphery clench his fists and lock his knees like he was bracing to stand against a title wave.

 

“I really couldn’t,” Rey stammered. She didn’t need to see Ben to feel the dark waves of anger radiating from him, but she couldn’t pin point what exactly he was angry about.

 

“One dance and if you hate it then I will leave you alone the rest of the night,” Cassian explained.

 

“Come on, live a little, Rey,” B.B. encouraged. “Cassian really is an excellent dancer. Poe and I will join you if you are nervous!” B.B. grabbed Poe’s hand, grinning ear to ear.

 

“You are not supposed to be having fun right now,” Poe chastised. “I am letting you stay but I am not allowing you to have fun. This is your punishment for sneaking in here!” B.B. paid him no mind as she got behind Poe and pushed him on to the dance floor.

 

“Nag, nag, nag,” B.B. teased.

 

Rey and Cassian were sucked into the crowd.

 

“Before you learn any dance steps I want to see you move. Move to the sounds of the music. Anyway you like. Have fun,” Cassian encouraged.

 

Rey watched everyone pulsate around her and self consciously checked to see if anyone was staring. Jyn's forehead creased deeper than before as she took more gulps from her bottle still staring daggers over at them. Ben on the other side of the room, had his upper lip pulled back as his nose scrunched. B.B. and Poe were doing some kind of salsa and she was moving so fast it was almost like she was a spinning top. Her steps were so fluid she looked like she was rolling instead of stepping. They laughed like they were having the time of their life.

 

“Don’t be self conscious, Rey, just have fun. Just move your body to the beat. Follow the flow of the music,” Cassian explained.

 

Rey’s pulse picked up and she closed her eyes, letting her body sway. She tried to get lost in the tune and the instruments and she loosened up.

 

“You have quite the rhythm!” Cassian complimented. “Now I will show you the basic salsa step. It is left foot forward, then together, right foot back then together and repeat. Very easy.”

 

Rey watched Cassian and picked it up rather quickly as he complimented her. He put one hand on her waist then held her hand with the other.

 

Rey easily moved in tandem with Cassian as she rocked her hips side to side. Cassian spun her. A laugh bubbled up. He salsaed on his own before Jyn's long elegant arms wrapped around his neck from behind. Cassian faced her as his lids became heavy, and she rubbed seductively against him. His hands gripped her, pressing her to his chest.

 

Rey turned away from them blushing, and danced on her own. She felt an insistent pressing in between her shoulder blades.

 

Pivoting completely around, she saw Ben watching her from the same dark spot they left him behind. His expression was a mixture of annoyance and unadulterated hunger. His eyes were pitch black as he followed the smallest movements of her body. The dark of his eyes moved slowly down her body and back up again. Her skin flamed with his attentions. It might have been the stifling room, or the intoxicating tempo of the music, but Rey decided to do something crazy.

 

She held his gaze as she ran a palm along her collarbone and oscillated her hips. Her hands brushed down the side of her torso. She rolled her pelvis suggestively. The way he stared empowered her. This built, massive man was at her mercy, mesmerized by her. Light headed euphoria flooded her senses. She threw her head back arching out her chest. She could see his shoulders rise and fall rapidly from where she was. He licked his lips and for once, he was the one staring at her, not the other way around. She bent pushing out her backside, to give him a good look at her subtle curves.

 

She ran her hands over her hair and bit her lower lip, because she had seen women who were trying to be sexy do that before. It worked because his mouth hung open and from where she stood she thought she could see him drool. She slid a hand down her taut stomach and that must have been his breaking point, because he shot forward, lithe and stealthy like a jungle cat. Then he stopped. He quivered like a leave catching a gentle breeze. Then, he ran for the door.


	4. Chapter 4

Rey didn’t move. She couldn’t move after what happened. She thought for sure he was showing interest in her, but she had caused him to flee. Instead of drawing him in she had repelled him. He was probably long gone by now.

 

The workers around her were smiling, caressing and undulating. The people, the music, the smells and the moist heat from their movement were all too much for Rey. Her head felt like it would split in two if she stayed there any longer. Rey weaved her way off the dance floor.

 

B.B. was still moving and singing aloud with the music. Rey didn’t want to ruin this for her. She needed some fresh air and quiet. Her senses overloaded. What had he been thinking when he watched her with such fire? What had SHE been thinking to act the way she did? Striding over to the exit, Rey’s sandaled feet slapped on the ground. She swung open the door and was met with Elle still standing on the steps, leaning against the railing.

 

“Leaving so soon?” She asked as she crushed another beer can, this time against her forehead. A few guys groaned in disappointment and handed her money.

 

“Just getting some air,” Rey smiled back.

 

She did a double take. On the side of the cabin in the shadows, Ben leaned his back against the wall. He ran a hand though his hair and his head hung forward. He was the picture of defeated.

 

Rey didn’t know what was wrong, was he so upset about what she had done or was there something else? She needed to comfort him, find out why he disappeared from the party. Had he really been scared off by her? Seeing him so distraught melted her pride.

 

Rey took a look around making sure no one was watching her. She wasn’t afraid to be alone with him. It should have been a foolish feeling, because he was an adult man and she knew nothing about him. She had dealt with enough low lives at Plutt’s shop to know to be wary, but something said she could trust him. Even if something went wrong she was close enough to other people to scream or run if there was a serious problem.

 

Taking slow quiet steps she cautiously came closer to him. Her blood rushed in her ears at her approach.

 

He must have heard her because his head snapped up. He open and closed his mouth like a fish seeming surprised to see her there. His face went cold. It was the mask he put in place anytime he was around other people. She had seen it slip when he thought no one was paying attention, like when he was in the shower, like when he was working alone. Rey wanted to trace every line of his face with her fingertips.

 

“Did you follow me out here?” Ben asked with irritation.

 

Rey jerked her head unevenly to say no. This hadn’t been her plan when she came out of the cabin. His eyes roamed her as if he were mapping out an unknown land.

 

They weren’t saying one word to each other. Rey was powerless as she could do nothing but fall deeper into his eyes. She could hear the rhythm of his breathing and nothing outside of him seemed to exist. Time stood still in their own bubble.

 

“What game are you trying to play with me, kid?” he asked, his expression turning harder.

 

Petrified, Rey didn’t know how to answer him. What could she say that wouldn’t make her sound crazy?

 

“You stare at me all day long, then you talk to me like you aren’t afraid of me on the archery field. A few days later you show up in my cabin and go through my belongings. You go back to being terrified of me, but you put on some kind of show up there.” His breathing deepened.

 

All Rey wanted to do was sink her fingers into his luscious hair, pull him close and tell him everything, tell him how she longed to be beside him, tell him how he has saturated her thoughts since the moment she saw him.

 

Rey took a steadying breath before speaking, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” She decided to take a chance, at least tell him some of what she had been feeling. “I can’t stop feeling like you are familiar and I don’t have a clue what it is. I guess I was trying to get your attention or piece together more about you. I just… I don’t know what this is. I haven’t ever felt anything like this before, and I am only trying to understand it. I know it sounds crazy.”

 

Ben didn’t speak. They stared at each other unblinking as if they were communicating not with their words but their souls. There was something between them, something beyond her understanding, something ancient and secret. Rey felt a humming in the air around them like the singing bowls of Tibet. It scared her as much as it intrigued her.

 

Elle’s cackling laugh snapped them out of their intense connection. “That’s another 20 dollars boys! Anyone want to take a bet I could crush a watermelon between my thighs?”

 

Ben stood up tall. The muscles in his arms coiled with tension. He shut his lids tight before licking his lips. When he opened his molten chocolate eyes, there was determination. His words were weighted and final. “Listen kid, you don’t know me and I don’t know you. If you knew me, who I was, what I had been through, and the things I have done, you wouldn’t be speaking to me right now. Trust me. Whatever you think about me, it’s wrong. You shouldn’t be here. Go back to your cabin, kid.”

 

His shoulders pushed off the side of the building and he stomped away. He didn't say another word as he gave her his back. He took wide steps through the woods down to the trail.

 

An ache throbbed in her as a vital piece of herself ripped away with Ben. Rey didn't follow. She was a fool confessing her thoughts to a man so much older than herself. Just because there was an inexplicable connection to him on her end didn't mean there was one for him. It made her sick. These feelings were one sided. She wrapped her arms around herself. The idea of someone else not wanting her caused a tear to roll down her face.

 

 

~*~

 

 

The next morning Rey pushed her breakfast around her plate with a fork. Her eyes drooped. If she and B.B. hadn't been out late, she still would have been exhausted. Rey couldn't sleep last night. The zombie like state she found herself in seeped bone deep.

 

Rey replayed the way Ben stormed away without looking back. She thought about the way he had looked at her on the dance floor and then what he said. _You shouldn’t be here. Go back to your cabin kid._ Placing a hand over her sternum she tried to soothe the ache.

 

A whistle blared through the dining hall and everyone's attention whipped to the sound.

 

Poe stood with his feet wide apart and his hands on his hips like he were some sort of superhero. His smile was as charming as ever. Only because Rey knew to look for it did she notice the darker 5 o clock shadow from a night partied away.

 

"Attention campers!" He bellowed. "Next week we are having our annual Dance Party."

 

At this, chirps of excitement and gasps of enthusiasm broke out across the hall.

 

Poe continued. "We will be having a friendly dance contest for those who want to sign up. We have DDR on a projection screen. This year’s theme is TRON, so there will be glow sticks and black light décor. Of course I will be your amazing D.J. playing all the hits."

 

The volume rose with muttering voices.

 

"Keep in mind there will be many many chaperones so no funny business on the dance floor! We have no issues sending any of you to The Corner of Shame for the rest of the night. I'm talking to you Bobby Fet!"

 

Rey watched a boy's table howl with laughter as they slapped a rather sinister youth on the back. Amongst the group a blonde, with delicate features, caught her gaze. He lifted the left side of his mouth and waved at her.

 

Tilting her head to the side she remembered him. He was in her first session, or maybe in her archery session? He still hadn't turned back around and she was still staring, trying to place what session she had with him.

 

"So, you going to get a date to the dance?" B.B. asked with a knowing expression going from the blonde boy to her.

 

"No," Rey said flustered. "I don't even know who he is."

 

B.B. shrugged. "You could get to know him." She waggled her eyebrows as she leaned on the table.

 

The previous years Rey would just go with Finn. Lots of the other kids went in groups. Because she was never apart of a group until now, she had never done it before.

 

"I already know who I am going to the dance with," Connie said dreamily. "Snap Wexley." She sighed as she mooned at him from across the room. She melted in her seat.

 

Both Rey and B.B. spotted Snap. He picked at his teeth with a fingernail. He examined the offensive piece of debris caught in his tooth before popping it back in his mouth.

 

Rey cringed, but B.B. good-naturedly replied, "That's really sweet Connie. He asked you already?"

 

Connie blinked with her orb eyes, "No. But he is going to."

 

"That's right," B.B. said turning to explain to Rey. "Connie gets these 'premonitions'." B.B. did air quotes.

 

"Snap and I have gotten married in a few of our past lives," Connie explained, her chin held high.

 

Rey looked to B.B. to see if this was some kind of joke. B.B. had a crazed look in her eyes screaming _just play along._

 

"Oh!" Rey said faking excitement. "That's… amazing?"

 

Connie nodded. "B.B. was a robot," she said matter of fact and it took everything in Rey to not burst out laughing. This was the best she felt since last night. Rey turned her attention back to Poe who was still powering through his spiel.

 

“Okay campers!” Poe said clapping his hands. “For those of you who signed up for beach day tomorrow, the bus leaves exactly at 7am sharp. Not 7:10, not 7:05. 7 sharp. Before you leave, last and certainly not least, whoever keeps stealing all the spoons in the dining hall, your days are numbered! We have no idea how you are able to take a dozen spoons each meal without being noticed. I am actually quite impressed and a little scared. We have no idea what you are doing with all of them. We don’t want to know. So long as they get returned by tonight no one gets disciplinary action. You are all dismissed!”

 

“See you later, Rey!” B.B. called over her shoulder as she left with Connie to first session canoeing.

 

Rey gave them a half hearted smile as she made her way to nature class. People widely believed it was boring but Rey loved it. You grew plants and worked on the camp gardens and greenhouses. They had small animals to take care of. It was so different then the urban town she came from. Mr. Yoda, the decrepit man who ran it, had a funny accent and was very eccentric. English wasn’t his first language and at times he was hard to understand.

 

“In the greenhouse, today we will be,” Mr. Yoda called as campers made their way to their designated spot to meet up. He held a clipboard making sure to tick off names as people came.

 

The air in the structure thickened with humidity. The glass panels seemed to magnify the summer sun ten fold. They left both doors at either end open and a large fan was turned on to circulate the air and stop anyone from getting heat stroke.

 

Rey bounded over to her section of plants as sweat beaded on her forehead. Each of them had a half a dozen plants they were responsible for. Right away Rey beamed seeing her tomato plant thriving. Her flowers also had new blooms.

 

Rey felt the warmth of a body standing beside her. She turned frowning, at someone coming so close.

 

“Your tomatoes look great,” The blond boy from the mess hall said. He had an accent she found pleasant. His eyes fell on her chest briefly before looking mortified. He bit his lip and stuttered, “Your plant. I meant your tomato plant.” His hands dug deep in his pockets and his gaze dropped to the floor.

 

The moment was so awkward all Rey could do was snort a laugh.

 

“Um… thank you. Yours look…” Rey’s generic compliment died on her lips because his tomato plants looked abysmal. If vegetation cruelty wasn’t a thing it should be in this case. One pot was so over watered it spilled out the top. The leaves drooped like they had been drowned. The other one dried out, yellow and brittle.

 

“I know,” He said sighing. “My mum always said i was a plant murderer. I thought maybe I could prove her wrong.” The disappointed tone had Rey covering up her smile with the back of her hand.

 

“I really am sorry,” Rey said. “I could try and help you. I think the one you over watered has root rot, but we might be able to save the one that is too dried out. I’m Rey.”

 

“I, ah, actually know. I am in another one of your sessions. Archery.” He shuffled on his feet.

 

Rey’s eyebrows rose in surprise.

 

“My name is Thomas Thanisson.” He stuck out his hand as if expecting her to shake it.

 

Rey reluctantly took a hold of his hand and shook briefly before pulling away. His palm was sweaty. “Well it is very nice to meet you. Lets see if there is anyway we can bring your tomatoes back from the dead.”

 

Standing at the spot next to hers, she poked at the soil. They made polite small talk as Rey worked. He was from overseas, originally, like her. He moved to the area with his family a few years ago and this was his second summer.

 

“The pane should be very quick to fix, Mr. Yoda. I already have one of the spare panels from storage pre-cut.”

 

The hairs on the back of Rey’s neck stood at attention, her hands ceased. She knew no matter how long she lived, Ben’s voice would forever be imprinted in her mind. He couldn’t have known nature class was her first session.

 

Thomas chatted away, unaware of her inner turmoil. Rey schooled her features to appear interested and nodded even though she had no idea what he said.

 

Fighting the urge to take the smallest peek, Rey concentrated harder on the task at hand. His heavy footfalls seemed to echo in the greenhouse. She knew the moment he saw her, because his steps faltered. She could see his boots, from the corner of her eye. He took a step back as if he was going to run like he did at the party. Instead he went to the side of the structure by the broken pane. She heard him working.

 

Again he was set up not too far from her. Couldn’t the broken window be on the other side? It was like the universe would not stop them from repeated collision courses with one another. She didn’t know if she wanted to see him so soon.

 

“Will you be going to the beach tomorrow?” Thomas asked as his eyes shifted.

 

“No way. I am not the best swimmer and even if I was, I don’t like sand. It’s course and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere,” Rey wrinkled her nose at the memory of the grains stuck to sweaty skin on a hot day.

 

“That’s too bad I would have really liked to maybe hang out with you.” Thomas blushed.

 

Ben swore as he threw aside a pair of pliers.

 

Before she could stop herself, her head snapped up to take a small glance. The side of his jaw ticked with apparent agitation. His brow scrunched as he worked.

 

“Rey?” Thomas said expectantly.

 

“Yes?” Rey smiled like she wasn’t obsessing over Ben. She up turned the soil a bit more in the large clay pot.

 

“Is it okay?” He was curled in on himself and his eyes were glued to his shoes.

 

He seemed like he was about to dissolve into the floor with embarrassment. She would feel terrible if she asked him to repeat what he said. Rey hoped she wasn’t agreeing with him on anything crazy when she said, “Yes. Of course it is okay.”

 

The tension he had been holding all through his body finally relaxed. “Brilliant. I was really preparing myself for a no. You won’t regret it Rey. We will have an excellent time at the dance together!”

 

She agreed to go with him to the dance?

 

Rey heard a crash. Everyone’s head whipped over to the sound. Ben cursed as he pushed shards of glass around with his foot out of the way.

 

“No one come near here until the area is swept," Ben ordered. He muttered under his breath as he pulled out his com to call for assistance.

 

Ben’s hair stuck to his brow in the heat. He growled impatiently before slicking it back and Rey’s stomach fluttered.

 

“I need a knight to come to the nature greenhouse and bring a replacement glass panel, a broom and dust pan.” Ben’s knuckles blanched as he griped his walkie.

 

Rey knew she was staring. She felt like a drug addict needing her next hit. If he didn’t want her then she would stay away from him, but she would be damned if she denied herself the opportunity to observe him. His words rang in her head again. _If you knew me, who I was, what I had been through, and the things I have done, you wouldn’t be speaking to me right now._

 

Mr. Yoda pounded the end of his cane on the ground to get everyone’s attention. He stood as tall as his tiny stature would allow. “Leave the greenhouse, we must. Repairs, it needs. Today, leave early, we will! See you tomorrow, I will!”

 

The group dispersed and Mr. Yoda hobbled away, probably just as anxious as everyone else to not have to stay in the sweltering space a minute longer.

 

Rey felt her racer back tang top stick to the skin between her shoulders. She peeked over at Ben. _If you knew me… you wouldn’t be speaking to me right now._ Rey held her breath, and a light bulb went off.

 

“I could walk you to your next activity,” Thomas offered, ducking his head shyly.

 

Rey scrambled. She had to stay and talk to Ben, somehow. “That’s really very sweet of you Thomas, but I wanted to finish up something quickly here before we left.” Rey noticed him deflate. “I will take a rain check though. See you in archery?”

 

Thomas nodded seeming a bit disappointed, but he waved goodbye as he lopped away.

 

Rey exhaled before going back to her plants. She fussed with the leaves and used her spray bottle to hydrate the foliage. Ben had walked away from her last night not because he hated her. Everything he said last night was because he seemed to hate himself.

 

Making her way by him with trepidation, her mouth began to dry. He was bent over in the same spot examining the metal framing. It might not be long before the rest of his help came so it was now or never to talk to him.

 

Rey knew he was aware of her presence. He ignored her.

 

Rey had the sensation of falling, dizzying and terrifying. “Are you always that good with your hands?” Rey asked before thinking. Her comment sounded way too much like a come on. She wanted to slap her forehead.

 

Ben’s dumbfounded expression turned to her. “Excuse, me?” Rey watched color drain his face. He stood to his full height and faced her. He was so much larger than her.

 

Rey mustered up her bravery. “Last night,” Rey’s voice was stronger this time. “You said I didn’t know you and if I did then I wouldn’t be speaking to you. Don’t you think I should make that judgment call on my own?”

 

“No. I don’t think you should. You’re just a kid, you don’t know any better,” Ben’s tone was mater of fact. He crossed his arms in front of his chest.

 

Rey laughed without humor, crossing her arms as well, though she was sure she didn’t look as impressive. “You said that I don’t know you and you don’t know me, so who are you to say how I would react if I knew more about you? Maybe I am just a kid in your eyes but there is more to me than you think.”

 

“You don't know anything. I am a monster,” Ben stated his eyes going glassy. 

 

Rey’s face fell. How could anyone say such a thing about themselves? She saw the self loathing behind the anger. “Ben,” she spoke his name softly.

 

She wanted to reach out and cup his face in her hands. Rey wanted to hold him and let him tell her every one of his fears. She unfolded her arms and reached out a hand toward him tentatively. A flash of a small room and a fire, sprang to life in her mind. 

 

“Don’t say my name like that. Like you know me,” Ben insisted taking a step back from her.

 

She wanted to say,  _But I do know you._

 

"Rey, it would be best if you just stayed away from me," Ben confessed like a plea. If Rey didn't know any better she would say he looked heart broken. 

 

Rey swallowed. "I wish I could stay away from you, ignore you completely.” Her eyes prickle, but she feels brave seeing his walls crumble too. His expression softens further. “I don’t know what is wrong with me. I am drawn to you somehow. It’s like that saying. I am like a moth to a flame.” Rey felt exposed and raw like she had just filleted herself wide open to him. She can’t explain it. Her whole life she had been careful and kept everyone at an arms length so much Finn was her only friend, but here she let herself be vulnerable to him. She spilled her deepest thoughts and Rey didn’t understand why. 

 

“Do you know what that means? It means  you are enticed by something dangerous. Only I am not a flame, Rey. I am a pyre, and you should try harder to stay away from me. You are 17 and I am 26. You have a crush." Ben shifted as he looked at anything but her. His voice deepened. He seemed resolved as he finally said, "You are young and this will pass."

 

Rey shook her head, her mouth forming a thin line. She wanted to take a hold of his jaw and force him to look at her. This was something bigger than just a crush. It had to be.

 

“Heya Ben,” Elle called. Both of them turned toward her. She sauntered over with a bow legged walk. “I drove the truck, brought everything you need!” She jerked her thumb over her shoulder. Elle paused at the sight of Rey. Her eyes were red rimmed and she could feel her nose running. “Aren’t you one of the party crashers from last night?

 

Rey rushed out, feeling nauseated. She didn't go to the rest of her activities. She went to the nurse's trailer and told them she felt very sick. Rey was permitted to be excused from everything for the rest of the day. So she stayed in an empty cabin all afternoon and cried into her pillow. 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

 

 

Rey woke up with a headache the next morning. A dull pain throbbed at the back of her skull, as she sat up in bed. It was still rather dark out, the sun only just touching the sky. Rey rested on her elbow and checked her alarm clock to see the red numbers telling her she still had a while before needing to get up. She rubbed her itching eyelids and frowned at the dried tears on her pillowcase, the evidence of her weakness. 

 

She hardly ever cried, and some guy had reduced her to tears. Rey remembered girls in her high school weeping openly on the staircase, with mascara running and her friends rubbing her back consolingly. Back then she had rolled her eyes at them. Who cared if, Billy or Bobby or Robby wasn't interested in you? There were more important things in life. Chances were good they would never see him again after high school.

 

She didn't want to think of her self as one of _those girls_ , never thought she would ever be one. Rey didn't know if she was diluting herself into thinking her situation was different. But something inside told her this was. Her teeth sunk into her lower lip. No. She was not going to do this, not going to mope. She refused to let this ruin her summer. 

 

It was highly unlikely that she would be getting any more sleep so Rey decided now was a good time to start her day. The two girls were still sleeping and Maz’s bed had already been made up and she knew Maz was out doing her morning powerwalk. As soon as she sat up an alarm shrieked in the cabin.

 

She heard B.B. give her signature high pitched whine at the interruption of her beauty rest. She shoved the offensive piece of technology off her bedside table, but her action was ineffective at turning off the noise.

 

Connie woke up and floated over to B.B’s alarm, carefully turning it off and placing it back on the table.

 

“B. B. , you have to get up if you want to make it to the beach today. We missed the final beach day last year because you overslept,” Connie explained, as if B.B. was capable of any rational thought in her state of unconsciousness.

 

B.B. grumbled something before rolling out of bed. Connie smiled, looking satisfied at doing a job well done of waking up her friend.

 

“Are you coming to beach day as well?” Connie asked Rey, warmly. Rey guessed Connie thought she was coming with them because she was awake so early.

 

“No. I just had some trouble sleeping. Sorry, I won’t be able to join you,” Rey said.

 

With a sage nod Connie said, “Good, decision. It is important that you stay here today. I can’t interrupt, but you made a wise choice!”

 

“Um…” Rey scratched her head. “Ah… thanks I guess?”

 

With a loud bang, Maz burst through the door, “Morning, girls! Everyone ready for beach day? I love going!” Maz walked over to her bed and shouldered a tote bag. “After last time though, Poe band me from wearing my thong bathing suit.” Maz shook her head like it was a tragedy.

 

B.B. came up beside Rey to whisper, “I was there last year, when that poor boy looked up from his sand castle just as Maz was doing beach calisthenics. I fully support Poe’s decision.”

 

Rey shuddered.

 

“You feeling better today, Rey?” Maz’s inflection turned concerned. “You seem better.”

 

“Yes Maz, thank you for asking. I am sure I got a heat headache from being in the greenhouse too long.”

 

Maz winked seeming content with her answer. “Okay girls, make sure you get ready with enough time to have a hearty breakfast. I will see you two on the bus!”

 

~*~

 

Since Rey decided not to go to the shore, she had breakfast later than the rest of her cabin. Rey looked around the mess hall and sunk in her seat. More than half the camp usually signed up to go, and since half the campers went, half the staff had to go too. Rey usually found having less campers around pleasant. The nervous busy energy that usually permeated the atmosphere gave way to something soothing.

 

This year, however, she would have liked to have the distraction of a bustling campus. Finn had gone this time around too so Rey was completely alone. She had kept her eyes down on the table forcing herself not to look around for Ben.

 

The bell in the mess hall rang meaning there was an announcement of some kind. Standing at the front of the hall was Lando Calrissian. He wore his signature cape, no matter how sweltering the heat. His shoulders pushed back and he held himself with a confidence that would put most men to shame. He smiled much like Poe, like he knew he was very good-looking. And he was.

 

“Attention remaining campers,” Lando announced as he pushed his cape back with a flourish. “I am filling in as activities director while Poe is away. And why wouldn’t he pick me? I AM a director after all!” He gave a devilish grin then held out his arms as if he were waiting for applause. “Since I am in charge of activities for the day and half the staff is gone, the only activities open are, Mr. Yoda’s nature sessions. Mr. Ackbar’s swimming sessions, Mr. Endor’s dancing sessions and of course, I saved the best for last! Those of you who have never sighed up for my performing arts session really should try it and expand your horizons, your mind, and your creativity! If you have sessions in any other activity they are closed today. Please be so kind as to sign up for one of the other classes for today.” Lando bowed as he gestured toward the clipboards.

 

Rey always took all of Mr. Yoda’s nature classes on beach days, but her eyes kept being drawn to the clipboard for dance. Rey tapped her foot. One time couldn’t hurt. If she hated it it was only the one day. Marching up to the front a crowd started to form as people scribbled in their names for different classes. Before Rey could change her mind she signed up for dance.

 

Her first class, didn’t change. She took nature as usual. Rey thanked her lucky stars the greenhouse was fixed so she didn’t run into a certain someone. But him not being there meant she spend an inexcusable amount of time wondering where he was instead. He might have gone to the shore too, but something told Rey sunshine and waves were not his thing. She giggled to herself imagining the grumpy dark lord slathered in sun block, donning black swimming trunks, miserably hiding under an enormous umbrella. Her heart felt warm picturing it. She mentally scolded herself.

 

The day went on like any other following their normal schedule. Rey had not seen Ben at all. Her curiosity only grew as time past. She had thought she would be relieved to not see him so soon after what happened, but it made her anxious. The final session for the day rolled around and Rey felt pins and needles all over her body walking over to the dance studio.

 

The room was air conditioned! The cool air wafted past her, and she let go a soft satisfied sigh. None of the rooms were air conditioned. The space was large and bright. Mirrors lined the wall to her left and to her right. Cassian stood with a shrewd expression sizing up his potential dancers. His hip leaned up against a desk holding an outdated MP3 player attached to a dock.

 

As soon as Cassian made eye contact with Rey his expression softened and he nodded at her. She quirked up the corner of her mouth in a small greeting.

 

“I see we have new faces in my class today,” Cassian announced when it appeared no one else was coming in. “Please state your name, and I will make sure you are on my list.” A hand full of people had called out their names as he pointed the end of his pencil at them. Cassian treated Rey no different than the others asking her her name.

 

“Welcome to my class. I do not tolerate any funny business for those of you who are new. I expect you to take what I say seriously, this is art, this is passion, this is-”

 

“Sparta!” Some smart-alec kid yelled.

 

Cassian snapped his fingers at the kid, “You! Sit in the corner, you Will. Not. Dance. Today!”

 

The kid was shocked. He opened his mouth to protest but Cassian made some hissing noise silencing him immediately. Rey thought it sounded similar to what Cesar Millan did to dogs.

 

“Out of my sight!” Cassian waved him off. “For the rest of you I want to see your rhythm! Think of it like you are counting to 8. Move to the music. I want to see where each of you are.”

 

Cassian turned on the music, and Rey remembered the simple steps he taught her. Even if he isn’t playing Latin music now she does a slight variation on the step. Some people have two left feet, and stumble, and lose count or lop around aimlessly.

 

“Rey, Mija. Come show them how it is done,” Cassian waves Rey over toward the front and she feels bashful. “Try to relax and follow the rhythm; don’t over think. Rey is having fun. Some of you are getting too caught up in the counting. We will all now do a basic salsa step!" 

 

The door to the studio opened up. One moment Rey was dancing happily and the next she caught sight of who was coming through the door and fell over her own feet, crashing to the polished hardwood. Rey squeaked never feeling so much of a loser in her life. From the ground she could see Ben petrified in the doorway, his hand still on the doorknob, as his eyes go wide.

 

Cassian rushed over to Rey, but didn’t help her up. He looked down at her, confused and a little disgusted anyone would insult dancing by tripping. “Are you okay?”

 

“Yes,” Rey answered her voice a little too high pitched. She pushed back up and checked herself. Thank goodness all she bruised was her ego.

 

“Benjamin!” Cassian called giving him a real smile. “The air conditioning is broken. It will not stop running. It is turning into a freezer in here.”

 

Rey could hear the exasperation in his tone when Ben answered, “Did you try turning it on and off again?”

 

“No,” Cassian said pouting.

 

“Well then I will give it a try,” Ben said through clenched teeth.

 

Rey could feel her face heating. The hot sting of shame kept her from even lifting her chin. She should just ignore him. Belatedly, Rey realized she was just standing there while everyone else was dancing to the music.

 

Rey shuffled to stand next to Cassian.

 

“Mr. Andor I have to use the bathroom,” Rey mumbled to him. Trying to find any excuse to get out of there.

 

“I can’t hear you over the music. What did you say?” Cassian inquired.

 

Rey frowned noticing how close they were to one of the speakers. She took a deep breath and spoke up so he could hear, “I said that I really have to go to the bathroom!” Her voice echoed in the mirrored room.

 

Every  eye turned to her. Of course the song playing decided to end right then so the whole room and Ben had heard her wailing about needing to go to the restroom! She heard the giggles and snickers of the other campers before the next song came on. 

 

This couldn’t be happening. Rey knew she would go down in history as the only person to literally die from embarrassment. Rey covered her face as she scuttled off.

 

~*~

 

Rey groaned, dropping her face in her hands for at least the 10th time since dance class. Rey had wanted to stay in the bathroom for as long as possible to avoid Ben, but everyone knew she was in the bathroom. If she stayed too long they might have thought she was having issues.

 

Rey sat on the floating dock down by the river, to wallow in misery, completely alone. She didn’t bother going to dinner knowing her stomach was churning too much to eat anything. The camp was still quiet and she knew the busses coming back from the beach wouldn’t return until late. If she wanted to stay the rest of the evening, a single soul wouldn't find her here.

 

Her flip -flops sat beside her on the dock as she dipped her feet into the river. The current rushed past her ankles and she threaded her toes in the water. It was cool and refreshing. From the corner of her eye Rey saw movement. Everyone should have been at dinner. Frowning, Rey leaned to the side to look up the river were it took a slight bend. The canoe rack was piled high and incorrectly, from what Rey could see. Someone had even neglected to securely strap them. Rey sighed. Whoever had been in charge of them knew there would be no canoeing today so they must have just left it unorganized from the night before. She saw one of the large heavy solid wood ones, slip from its place on the very top of the rack. Rey huffed, knowing how dangerous it was.

 

She stood to walk over to the main grounds and let someone know, but stopped when she saw Ben from afar. He was hunched over the kayaks trying to straighten those out first.

 

Her mouth went dry. Rey knew what was going to happen even before anything moved. She saw it playing out in slow motion. The canoe on the very top slipped, pushing the one below it, creating a domino effect. They were all going to fall right on Ben! Rey sprinted and screamed his name. He straightened up looking at Rey confused. She yelled again and pointed above him, but before he had a chance to look, the front of the canoe slid forward as it fell and smacked above his temple before crashing to the ground.

 

Rey saw the flash of crimson as Ben dropped. Rey screamed. She pushed away the fallen boats with all her might to get to him. She fell on her knees beside him. His face was blank and peaceful and that scared her so much more than all the blood. She stared at Ben and blinked away tears. Rey had to shake her head because images of Ben dressed in black, on a winter forest floor covered in blood, kept surfacing in her memory. But that couldn’t be a memory. That had never happened in her life.

 

Rey had to stop the bleeding. They had to get help. She had nothing to put pressure on the wound. Without thinking twice, Rey pulled her tank top off and stretched it to tie securely around his head. Frantically she patted the grass looking for Ben’s com. It wasn’t on his belt loop. She pushed aside the fallen boats until she found it.

 

Her hands shook violently. As she called through the com, “Please, someone we need help. Come quick, help, please."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry this chapter was so light on Ben! And I am sorry the chapter ends on a cliffhanger, but the next chapter will be up faster than the other ones. It will be a good one.


	6. Chapter 6

The last hours were a blur. Rey acutely remembered the paramedics coming. Elle had given Rey her jacket. In the haze and confusion, Rey forgot she didn’t have a shirt on. Someone had asked if she was alright and what happened. She must have told them because next they took Ben away. He was strapped and bleeding and Rey felt broken. The flashing red and blue lights were like her dreams, but now it felt more like a nightmare.

 

Elle led her to the edge of the water to clean off some of the blood and dirt. Her hands were covered in scarlet, and her knees dripped with crimson. There was so much blood, more than she had ever seen in her life.

 

Curious people gathered further back. The busses from the beach had not returned so there were only a handful of kids who gathered. Rey pushed up the hood on Elle's coat to hide her face. Other staff were keeping the kids back and the small crowd disappeared as the ambulance screeched away.

 

She was escorted back to her cabin where she showered and changed, but Elle stayed and sat with her in silence. The woman kept giving her funny glances like at any moment Rey was going to find a second story window and throw herself from it. She probably looked as devastated as she felt. Elle probably thought the whole situation had traumatized her.

 

After an eternity, Elle’s com finally went off and she let Rey know Ben was not as bad as it seemed. He would need stitches and he lost a lot of blood, but he got help in time for it not to be life threatening.

 

Rey let go of a breath she didn’t know she was holding. Elle waited until Maz and the rest of the girls returned to 13 to let her councilor know what happened.

 

Maz pulled Rey aside and asked if she needed something to help her sleep. Rey nodded. Maz gave her a Tylenol PM. Rey was already drifting off to sleep as she heard Maz delicately tell the girls what transpired while they were gone.

 

~*~

 

By the time morning came everything felt surreal. The campers talked and the day went on as normal as if nothing happened. Rey could almost believe she imagined the previous night if it weren’t for the whispers and rumors about the scary looking maintenance guy almost dying down by the lake.

 

No one else knew a camper had found him down by the river. They all thought someone else on staff had discovered him out cold. As the story spread during the day, it got more and more outlandish. Some were saying it was a murder attempt by a vengeful fellow coworker. Others claimed the canoes were haunted. A handful of people thought it was a failed suicide. (After all, he did always look angry and miserable.)

 

Rey wanted to tell Finn the truth, but she knew Finn was the worst at keeping secrets. There was no way he wouldn’t tell Rose, and Rose would definitely tell Jess, and Jess was the gossip queen.

 

Rey wasn’t sure when Ben was coming out of the hospital. Surely he would be taking it easy for the next few days at least. She couldn’t focus on anything. Her eyes wandered everywhere she went. Maybe he wouldn’t even come back. What if she never saw him ever again? Would her last memory of him be his unconscious body being taken away from her?

 

Her mind was so plagued with what ifs, she did not notice Thomas come up to her in the greenhouse around the end of their session.

 

“Rey?”

 

Rey’s head popped up from the rose bush she was pruning. From the way he said her name, she knew this was not the first time he had called her. His feet turned in toward one another and his back was hunched. The sun reflected bright against his light blond hair.

 

“Hi! Thomas!” Rey said it as if she was surprised he even still attended this camp. “How are you? How was the beach?” she blurted.

 

Thomas appeared timid as he replied, “You know until you mentioned it, I didn’t realize how much I hate sand. I may just skip next time.”

 

Rey forced a smile and nodded. The last thing she wanted to be doing was making small talk, but she didn’t want to hurt his feelings. He was trying to be friendly and reach out to her.

 

“I think that may be a wise decision,” Rey agreed. “Maybe we should get a petition going to outlaw sand from beaches and playgrounds.”

 

Thomas laughed and Rey continued for lack of anything else to talk about.

 

“Maybe lawn care companies could bid on who will be the ones to turn all the sand to grass instead.” Thomas seemed to be enjoying himself so she rambled on. “Who knows, maybe the NFL would be interested in turning all beaches into astroturf so they could play games at an outdoor space with a view.”

 

Thomas chuckled.

 

Rey spotted something over Thomas’s shoulder through the windows of the greenhouse. She took a sharp inhale as the plant sheers fell from her hands. Thomas whipped around to see what she had been staring at.

 

Ben walked across the grounds as if completely unscathed. Her heart thumped loudly. The last time she had seen him, his eyes were closed and he was covered in blood. He had been so still. Now he moved in that dominant way of his, as if each step was a mission. From where Rey stood she could not see his injury. She wanted to run to him and touch his arm, his hand, anything to make sure she wasn’t hallucinating. Rey wanted to ask him how he was feeling, if he was in any pain. A possessive instinct told her she needed to protect what was hers. She had to lock her knees to stop herself from going after him as he moved farther away.

 

“Wow!” Thomas said. “After all the stories I heard about yesterday, I really didn’t think that guy was coming back.” Thomas’s face darkened. “I always felt like there was something odd about him. Intimidating. Why would they hire someone like THAT for a kid’s summer camp? He kinda gives off a murdery vibe.”

 

Any kindness Rey felt toward Thomas evaporated. She put her arms straight at her sides. “That’s really not nice Thomas. You shouldn’t say things like that about other people. He is a human being. He got injured yesterday badly enough to go to a hospital. That’s really insensitive of you to say.”

 

Thomas made an expression Rey imagined he would have made if she splashed a drink in his face.

 

She scooped up her garden shears and turned her back on Thomas. The large speakers placed around camp, made the sound of a gonging bell. Poe liked to change the sound each year. Last year it was a duck quack. It let the campers know the session was over. Rey fumed as she put her things in their place at her station. Mr. Yoda waved them away as each kid retreated to their cabins. She was due back at 13 for cabin clean up and rest period.

 

Other campers zig zagged the grounds, rushing to get back to their cabins after the end of their first activity. By the next gong everyone was supposed to be in their cabins. Anyone still roaming would get bathroom cleaning duties.

 

Rey walked past the main buildings, slowing her pace. Her eyes lingered on the mess hall, looking through the windows the best she could. It was empty in there. The nurse’s station had all of the windows covered so she could not see inside there.

 

The main office building had people coming in and out at odd intervals.The taupe, brick, administration buildings were very different from the wood cabins. Ben might have been in there, letting Poe and the other camp management know his medical requirements. Maybe he was giving his resignation. Her heart sank lower. Her feet dragged across the ground as she kept her eyes fixed on the building. Rey sighed when she realized she was not going to see him. Shaking her head as if it would help to erase her thoughts, she tore her attention away. She didn't want to be caught out so she forced herself to take another step.

 

Rey stopped abruptly as Poe emerged from one of the tan buildings with a much taller companion. Ben was expressionless. Rey saw four thick black stitches go from Ben’s hairline on the left side of his face to the very end of his brow. Such a small cut had bled so much. Rey shifted on her feet and played with the hem of her shorts. The door to the office banged behind them as Poe came clopping out. He clutched a piece of paper in his hands, reading it intently.

 

“Ok buddy. Doctor’s orders says you are not supposed to look at any screens,” Poe says.

 

“That will be easy,” Ben replies. Hearing the deep sound of his voice made her toes curl.

 

“No driving for 24 hours,” Poe lists.

 

“I wouldn’t want to right now anyway,” Ben concedes. He pushes hair away from his face and she watches his arm flex, straining against the t-shirt sleeve.

 

“No reading.”

 

“No reading?!” Ben stopped walking and Rey watched Ben look at Poe incredulously. “That isn’t on the list Poe. You are just trying to piss me off.”

 

“Sorry. It’s on here.” Poe held up the paper as Ben snatched it. “You shouldn’t be reading that! No reading!”

 

“So what am I supposed to do for the next two days if I can’t work, look at screens, or read? Do I just stare at my cabin ceiling and count sheep?”

 

“You know doing mathematics is also on this list of things you should not be doing so…”

 

Ben crumpled up the paper into a ball and threw it at Poe’s head.

 

“That was not cool man, especially since you are getting over a head injury. Are you trying to give me one too?” Poe mocked. Poe picked up the sheet and straightened it out.

 

“The only way you would get a head injury from that is if it gave you a paper cut,” Ben seethed. From the corner of his eye, he must have seen Rey.

 

Ben froze his entire demeanor shifting, to something not so tightly wound. His jaw went slack and his pupils felt like super magnets drawing her in. Rey saw Poe look back at her too.

 

“Rey!” Poe said in a sing-song way. “Sheesh, Ben! What are you doing just standing there? This is the girl that saved your sorry ass. This is Rey. You might remember her as one of the party crashers. She has been coming to the camp for years.”

 

They both just stood facing one another blankly.

 

Poe’s vision went back and forth between Rey and Ben. Poe faced Rey before he said, “Elle told me what happened before the paramedics got there. Smart thinking using your shirt to put pressure on the wound.”

 

Ben’s attention whipped to Poe. “She did WHAT?!” Ben wobbled on his feet and held his head.

 

“I didn’t have anything else, and he was bleeding a lot.” Rey shrugged, keeping her head down. She shuffled her feet in the dirt and continued to fidget.

 

“Good thing you were down that way,” Poe said seriously. “Ben is a bit of a loner. Even if he had been missing for a while and we had radioed him with no answer, we would have just assumed he was in one of his moods. The doctors at the hospital said it could have been real serious if he was left there all night bleeding out. We are going to make sure that Ben doesn’t go out on his own so much anymore.”

 

Rey saw the tension return to Ben’s shoulders and the hard scowl he gave the ground. He was avoiding her eyes now. The three of them stood in weighted silence. Ben was back and okay and would still be around for the rest of the summer. She should have been thrilled by this information alone, and she was, but he still had not said a word to her. It wasn’t as though she expected him to fall on his knees and kiss her feet for helping him. A small acknowledgement would have been nice though. It was almost like he disliked her even more now than before.

 

“Aren’t you going to say thanks at least?” Poe admonished.

 

“Thanks,” Ben mumbled.

 

Poe rolled his eyes.

 

“Well, I want to thank you. He may be a miserable bastard, but he is my friend.” Poe winked at Rey and slapped Ben on the back. Ben shrank uncomfortably. “See you later, Rey. You better get going. I gotta make sure this guy gets to his cabin without having another accident.”

 

Rey watched them both leave as Poe continued to chat at a silent Ben.

 

~ * ~

 

The next night Rey sat in the rec room watching Rose play ping-pong with Finn. The group of them were taking turns playing the winner. Rey’s concentration wasn’t all there, and she lost to Finn the first round. B.B. had hit it off with Finn and Rose right away when Rey introduced them, so they were currently all hanging out laughing and getting to know one another. Connie sketched everyone in her notebook as she came in and out of their conversations at random. Rey didn’t know where Jess was, but judging from the hickies she was sporting earlier, something told her she was off with some boy.

 

Thomas was across the rec room with a bunch of other guys his age. He kept peeking over at her. Rey had been giving him the cold shoulder since his cruel comments about Ben. She still wasn’t sure if she was still going to go with him to the dance at this point. Rey didn’t even care that he kept giving her puppy dog eyes. This year she had no shortage of friends so she would have a few people to hang out with at the dance so it didn’t cross her mind often.

 

As much fun as she was having, Rey’s thoughts foolishly kept drifting back to Ben, wondering how he was feeling. Was someone watching him or was he in his room alone? She pondered if he was crawling the walls with boredom by now. She hadn’t expected to see him for a while. He was most-likely holed up in his cabin brooding.

 

“Woo! I won! I totally kicked your ass Finn!” Rose did a ridiculous victory dance that had all of them hollering.

 

“I want a rematch! This is totally unfair. You cheated.” Finn complained.

 

“Cheated? How on earth does one cheat at ping-pong?” Rose threw her hands in the air, but Rey could see the amusement in her eyes. “Do you think I stuck a tiny piece of gum on one side to weigh the ball oddly? Do you think I subtly shook the table by tapping my foot by the wobbly leg on my side? Maybe I give you the bad table tennis paddle?”

 

“You know these examples are oddly specific,” Finn argued playfully.

 

Rose held a hand to her chest as though she was scandalized.

 

Rey snorted at their jovial argument.

 

“You want to know what?” Finn tried as best he could to keep a straight face but was having trouble. “Let's do a rematch and tip the scales a little. We are playing one on one basketball, short stuff. Let's see who wins that.”

 

“Fine. You are on. I bet I could kick your ass in that too,” Rose boasted.

 

“My money is on Rose,” Connie chimed in.

 

“Hey, no way. I was supposed to play winner!” B.B. protested. “You two can have your little lover’s quarrel some other time.”

 

Rey cackled harder and her stomach was hurting from all the laughing she was doing.

 

“We might only be able to do one other round anyway, lights out is soon,” Connie mentioned, pointing her pencil to the large clock on the wall.

 

They all groaned.

 

“I hate that lights out is so early!” Finn complained. “This is our last year, we are the oldest campers. Shouldn’t we have a later lights out time?”

 

B.B. gave a smile like an evil cartoon villain. “Well, if you guys are looking for something to do, the staff is having a party after lights out.”

 

“Another one?” Connie scrunched her face in disapproval.

 

“Yeah, that maintenance guy who got hurt is now cleared to do regular activities and they are having a party at their cabin as like a celebration.”

 

“How do you even know about his?” Rose asked.

 

“My cousin works on staff. I hear things.” B.B. buffed her nails on her shirt before inspecting them. “So are you guys in? You would have to sneak out.”

 

Rose’s eyes shined with interest and Finn nodded enthusiastically.

 

“I’m out,” Connie said, shutting her sketchbook. “I have no interest to hang out with a bunch of old people.”

 

Rey’s heart fluttered. The party this time was specifically for Ben, so he would have to be there. She just wanted to talk to him, just to make sure he was alright. She still had no idea why this mattered when he repeatedly pushed her away.

 

“I’m in,” Rey added.

 

“Excellent,” B.B. praised.

 

~ * ~

 

The four of them fumbled around in the dark with only one flashlight. They found the cabin much easier this time than they did before because B.B. and Rey had already been there. The party raged louder and it was easier to follow the sounds. They arrived later in the evening than the first time around. B.B. assumed everyone would be too slap happy from the booze to really notice them.

 

Elle was hanging out on the porch steps again with a small group of other people. The tip of her nose was ruddy and her eyes were glassy.

 

“Who else wants to bet I can take another shot without passing out?” Elle shouted. “Oh look it’s you!” She said as she spotted Rey approaching. “At least you have a shirt on this time. I couldn’t do what you did. I burned all my bras back at this feminist rally I went to last year. Can’t be flashing people. I would lose my job.” Elle swayed on her feet.

 

“What does she mean you have a shirt this time?” Finn asked with a brotherly protective streak.

 

“She is drunk, Finn who the hell knows what she is talking about,” B.B. covered for Rey. “I think we should enter from around back, if we stay low, and in the dark, people won’t see us.” B.B. led the way to another door at the other end of the cabin. The other entrance was much darker for sure. And judging from the couples wrapped around each other no one was paying attention to them coming into the party.

 

B.B. pulled open the door and it was much like the last time they were there. The door opened and music was playing. Voices laughed and a general rumbling of conversation filled the room. There were clusters of people squished together.

 

B.B. headed straight for the liquor table. Without even reading any of the labels she poured herself something carmel colored. She got more cups and randomly filled each one with something different. She passed one to Finn, Rose and Rey. Rey cradled the drink with no intention of consuming any of it.

 

Rose took a long swig and coughed, her eyes watering. “This will put hair on your chest,” she sputtered, before taking another gulp and repeating the same action as before.

 

Finn swirled his cup, held it up to them like he was giving them a cheers and downed the whole thing in a few gulps. “Smooth,” he said in a raspy voice.

 

“Is that the dance teacher and the lifeguard out there?” Rose gasped pointing a finger at the crowd dancing.

 

Sure enough Cassian was grinding up against the pretty lifeguard Bazine. His shirt buttons were open and her skirt was hiked up as he nestled between her thighs. They both looked shiny with sweat and touched each other with a hungry desperation. The others there were hardly any more civilized.

 

Rey wasn’t here for the drinks or the music. She squinted into the dark corners of the room looking for Ben. Something made the hairs on the back of Rey’s neck stand up and she sucked in a breath. She had the dizzying sensation of vertigo. Scanning the room she paused at a pair of dark eyes. They locked in on her and the beer bottle he had been bringing to his lips stopped. His throat bobbed and Rey wanted to swipe her tongue along his neck.

 

Someone had been talking beside him. They snapped their fingers in his face, before setting their attention across the room. Rey panicked as Poe's face contorted before he pushed his way over to them. She dropped her cup back on the table and placed her hands behind her back trying to look as innocent as possible.

 

“Seriously, B.B.? What the fuck? You brought more underage kids to this party?” B.B. shrugged giggling, already feeling the affects of her drink. “Is no one watching the doors around here?” Poe asked the crowd at large, his arms out wide. “You guys are going to get me fired.”

 

Rey could see his dark hair sticking to his forehead. With the way he was breathing, Rey assumed Poe had also been out in the sexually charged crowd moving to the music.

 

Her eyes went back to Ben who was staring at the ground and ruminating.

 

“I don’t have time to be babysitting you little delinquents! I should send you all back to your cabins drunk and let your counselors deal with you! Give me those!” Poe grabbed each of their plastic cups and downed the rest of whatever they had in there. “Everyone, follow me.”

 

As the group of them came closer to the little round table Ben was sitting with Jyn, Rey felt jittery with nervousness.

 

Jyn already had her small hand around a tall slender bottle with a clear liquid inside.

 

“I mean it this time, Ben. That rat has finally gone too far.” Rey caught Jyn holler in Ben’s ear. She stopped short at the four of them. “More party crashers, Poe?” She took another swig of her bottle.

 

“Yeah, I figured there would be no worse punishment than to stick these guys with you two party poopers.”

 

Jyn dramatically flipped him the bird the American way and Ben’s lip curled as he began to peel the label off his beer.

 

Rey noticed both Finn and Rose tense at the sight of Ben. Rose leaned into Finn a bit more as they stood a little further from them. B.B. sat next to Poe as they bickered at one another. Not surprisingly, the other seat beside Ben was still open so Rey slipped in. She crossed her legs and folded her hands on top of her knee. She never sat this way but thought that maybe she should. Rey could not help but notice he smelled incredible. She nearly moaned. Was he wearing cologne? Maybe it was his shampoo? Ben shifted his body orientation to face more toward Jyn than to her. Rey felt her heart crack a little.

 

The song ended and the murmur of voices was all one could hear. Cassian separated from his voluptuous partner to come over to the small table they all occupied.

 

“B.B.” Cassian said warmly. “What are you doing sitting at a table? I thought for sure you wouldn’t wait another minute to cut a rug out there.”

 

Jyn gave an ugly snort before saying, “Oh is that what you call all that dry humping?”

 

Cassian frowned, “Mi amore.”

 

Jyn shot up. She banged the bottle down on the table and slapped her hands down making everyone at the table jump. “Don’t you ‘Mi amore’ me! You were all over Bazine!”

 

“We were only dancing,” Cassian defended his voice getting harder.

 

Everyone went back and forth from Jyn to Cassian like they were watching a tennis match. Each person watched in stunned shock.

 

“Only dancing?” Jyn scoffed. “Oh please! What you were doing out there should require a condom!”

 

“You are always so jealous!” Cassian thundered his accent becoming thicker as he became angrier.

 

“I’m jealous? Me? You knocked out that kitchen worker because you thought he was staring at my butt. He was gay, Cassian. He was admiring my sun dress.”

 

“That is not the same! Dancing is passion. That is all, there is no reason to get so worked up over me dancing with Bazine.”

 

“Really? Then you wouldn’t mind if I went out there and danced with someone else?” Jyn stepped out beside the table.

 

“Not at all.”

 

“Ok then,” Jyn smiled sweetly. “Ben!”

 

“What?" His face blanched. "Oh no, absolutely not,” Ben argued. “I am not doing this.” He waved his hands to ward her off, but it was too late. She was yanking on his arm. If he didn’t stand he would have stumbled out of his chair. “Jyn this is not-”

 

A new song started and Jyn pulled a mortified Ben away from the table and toward the dance floor but close enough so Cassian could see every moment.

 

“This is going to be interesting,” Poe laughed, leaning back in his chair.

 

Rey watched Jyn’s small hand clasping Ben’s massive ones and felt a twinge of envy.

 

Cassian’s eyes reduced to slits as his arms crossed tightly in front of himself.

 

Rey’s mouth hung open as the song began. Jyn was being completely obscene. She had thought the dancers were bad before. What she was doing was more of a striptease than a dance. Rey didn’t know if she should be furious that she was touching Ben or embarrassed at her raunchy display. Ben stood frozen as a statue closing his eyes and looking like he was counting the seconds until the song was over.

 

“Oh Ben,” Jyn said in a cutesy voice. “You are so big and strong.” Jyn shot Cassian a look. “You are a mountain of virility.”

 

Rey’s hands tightened on themselves, making her knuckles hurt. She loathed Jyn touching Ben.

 

“I hate you both so much right now,” Ben said from the corner of his mouth, obviously trying to keep himself from exploding with rage.

 

Jyn’s hands were sliding over his body when Rey wanted it to be herself with him. Jyn straddled a solid leg rolling her hips and rubbing on him. Rey thought she was going to be sick.

 

Before Rey could go over there and shove Jyn away, Cassian stomped over and snatched her from Ben. He spun her around and kissed her soundly. Rey wanted to blush it was so filthy. She was so relieved Cassian had stopped it because Rey felt like she was going to lose her mind if it lasted a moment longer.

 

Ben saw his opportunity to escape and came back to the table fuming.

 

Poe was laughing so hard he had tears in his eyes, “Oh man, you should have seen your face!”

 

“I don’t know why they had to include me in their little game of foreplay,” Ben griped. His fists rested on the table. “I feel cheap.”

 

Poe only laughed harder as Finn, Rose and B.B. tried their hardest to hold in their hilarity.

 

Rey was conflicted, her emotions going haywire. She was overcome with such possessiveness she almost grabbed Jyn by the hair to get her away from Ben. She could not help but also feel glee at the fact Ben wanted nothing to do with Jyn's gyrating body.

 

He was sitting beside her again and she could feel the heat of his body radiating beside her he was so close.

 

“I think we should leave Mr. Grumpy pants here alone to recover from all the trauma,” Poe joked. “B.B. would you do me the honors of dancing with me like normal people, and not sex crazed animals?” He held out his hand and B.B. gladly took it.

 

“I thought you would never ask.” B.B. replied. “Let's show these people how it’s done.”

 

“Rose? Shall we?” Finn asked nervously.

 

“Hell yeah. I want to try out some of those new dance moves I just learned,” Rose winked.

 

And Finn’s smile could have lit up the room.

 

That left only Rey and Ben sitting together at the table. Rey had wanted to talk to him so badly, but now, her mind raced and her tongue felt like it was in a knot. She watched Ben thrum the side of his empty beer bottle.

 

“So is that your favorite?” Rey uses her chin to point at the bottle.

 

“No,” Ben says, shutting down.

 

“Oh,” Rey replies rubbing the back of her neck. “So, how have you been feeling?”

 

“Fine,” Ben answers.

 

Rey slumped in her chair. She didn’t know why she thought this would be a good idea. This is terrible. He wants nothing to do with her. She wants to leave. Everyone around her is laughing and smiling and having a good time. Was it so terrible for him to just talk to her like a normal person? Rey’s breaths became uneven the longer they sat there in silence.

 

“Hey, kid?” Ben says softly.

 

Rey perks up not wanting to have her hopes crushed if she misheard him. “Yeah?”

 

“What you did for me -” He stopped right in the middle of his sentence. “Even though I didn’t deserve to be saved, I really owe you one.”

 

Rey picked up on the sadness in his voice. Did he really think he deserved to be left out alone by the river bleeding out? Rey leaned in closer to bask in him right beside her. His mouth was relaxed and his eyebrows peaked in the middle. His injury was on the other side of his face so she didn't see it well. His hand rested right there on the table. She could reach out and touch it, feel the calluses under her fingers, trace the small scars on his knuckles.

 

“You said you owe me one,” Rey said. “Do you mean it?”

 

“Yeah, I do,” Ben sighed honestly.

 

He still concentrated on the brown glass in front of himself. Rey only had eyes for him and couldn’t stop being spellbound with every tiny detail of him. His specks of moles reminded her of constellations. It reminded her of the stars and far off galaxies. In the depths of her soul she felt like her heart implored her brain to remember something vitally important.

 

“Ok, then.” Rey gathered up every ounce of bravery she had. “Tell me one thing about yourself. Just one thing. I feel like maybe if I knew more about you, I would understand why you feel so familiar to me.”

 

He looked like he was concentrating. He stared back at her feverently. She could see the gears turning in his head, trying to make a decision. After a little while, Ben pressed his full lips before saying, "Green is my favorite color."

 

Rey gaffed at the unexpected piece of information. She knew what he was doing. He was carefully keeping his distance by not giving away anything too personal.

 

"I thought it would have been black." She joked. A small warmth filled her chest.

 

Ben wasn't exactly smiling but amusement danced behind his eyes. "Most people do. But I have always loved the color and lately I have been appreciating it more." Ben held his appraisal of her a little while longer, then turned away clearing his throat and putting back on his disgruntled demeanor.

 

"Green is my favorite color too. That's one of the reasons I love it here," Rey admitted trying to keep his attention for just a little while longer. "Everything in the city is always so cold and gray and concrete. Not like here, where everything is lush and bright. And… it feels like home." Her words toward the end of her sentence became weak.

 

She could see herself reflected in his dark eyes that set back to her. Rey's lips were parted and her pupils were wide as saucers.

 

His body relaxed and he looked a little lost. He was closer than before. Rey wasn't sure when or how it happened but his arm was almost touching hers. In a gentle voice, he spoke. "Why do you keep your hair in three buns? It's so-," Ben cut himself off. "I have never seen anyone do their hair like that but for some reason it reminds me of something."

 

The question caught her off guard. His voice was deep and soothing but what he asked her had her spireling. This wasn't what she wanted to talk about right now. The memories she had made her feel raw and she might cry bringing up how her parents left her. A lump formed in her throat stopping her from speaking.

 

"Rey?" he said like a soft prayer.

 

The way he said her name shattered any resistance to tell him everything, anything. She rubbed her arms as if she were cold, trying to keep the goosebumps at bay. "I'm an orphan. My parents left me shortly after coming to the states. I don't remember them much because I was so little, but she used to do my hair this way. They said they would come back for me. I keep my hair like this so if I ever pass them on the street or something, they would recognize me."

 

The air between them was much too quiet. He was going to give her that look of pity. Rey knew it. She should have never said anything to him at all. He was going to say how sorry he was and treat her like she were made of glass now.

 

When she took a chance to see his reaction, he was agitated. His brow fell lower over his eyes and his jaw locked.

 

Rey was taken off guard. She wasn't expecting this from him. Not at all. He thrummed his fingers on the table in a slow measured way as if the small movement was allowing him to blow off steam.

 

"I hate skiing," he responded.

 

Once again his statement was so random and said with such gravitas that Rey burst into peals of laughter. The side of his mouth lifted a fraction of an inch. He relaxed in his chair as Rey held a hand to her mouth trying to hold back her outburst.

 

"So the mysterious Ben Solo has his darkest secrets revealed. Loves the color green. Hates skiing," Rey teased.

 

The almost smile Ben wore slid from his face and he angled his body away from her, putting more space between them.

 

Rey felt like she had been doused in cold water.

 

"Yeah, you got me, kid," Ben muttered.

 

Poe, B.B., Finn and Rose came bounding over out of breath, smiles stretched wide.

 

"Where are Cassian and Jyn? Did you see them leave?" Poe asked Ben.

 

"No," he huffed.

 

"Rey you want to come out there?" B.B. asked gulping in air.

 

"Not this time," Rey said with fake enthusiasm.

 

"Maybe next time, Ben will come out and dance with us." Poe winked at him. "He is surprisingly good. I guess it was all those years of forced ballroom dancing lessons. His mom thought it was good for him to know how, ya know being from high society and all."

 

Ben unexpectedly pushed his chair back and stood, "I think I have had enough for one night, Poe. I have a headache."

 

"Oh yeah man. Sorry this was probably way too much for your first night off the restrictions," Poe conceded oblivious to Ben's discomfort.

 

As he left, Rey wanted to grab his arm and ask him to stay, but she didn't. She stayed but followed him with her eyes. Ben turned back to give her a forelorned surveyance before disappearing into the night.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Warning*** Mention of suicide in this chapter. Very brief.

It was rest session and B.B. was out cold. Her nose whistled as she slept on her bunk. Her face was squished against her pillow. They stayed very late at the party even if Poe didn't let them have a single drop of alcohol. 

 

Connie sat scrolling through her phone. This was the only time of day campers were allowed to use any electronic devices, and usually B.B. would be taking advantage of it too. 

 

Maz sat up in her bed and silently read a paperback book. It was battered and the cover had a very buff man with long flowing hair holding a woman with even longer hair in a corseted dress. 

 

Rey half paid attention to her cellphone. She had no texts from Finn. He was also probably deep in dreamland. With a sigh Rey hung off the side of her bed to put her phone away. 

 

She laid back, thinking she would take a nap as well, but every time she closed her eyes she saw Ben leaning in. The faint scent of him still lingered in her memory. She tried to recall everything about their interaction, the amusement in his eyes, the way he said her name and then he ran away. Again. It hurt to see someone she cared about turn their back on her. He said his head hurt but she couldn't help but think that was an excuse. Rey couldn't think of anything that happened last night that would offend him so much.  

 

Rey hadn't wanted their conversation to end. Just sitting there and talking to him had been unexplainable. Rey held a hand to her chest. She didn't have words to express the pleasant pain. It felt just as it always did when she was around him. Right. Longing. It was akin to the thrill of holding the last puzzle piece and you know exactly were it is supposed to go. 

 

He loved the color green. Even with the smallest piece of information that he gave her, it couldn't have been more perfect. It was like a jolt to her heart. Maybe he even felt the same as she did that being around all the trees and the emeralds, sages and pines helped color an otherwise dark existence. 

 

Yes she was attracted to him, he was beautiful, but she also wanted to know who he was. It was a start, favorite color green, hated skiing. 

 

Rey smiled remembering him say the sentence right after baring her soul to him. She knew he saw how his question had unintentionally hurt her and he had wanted to change the subject and pull her out of her sadness. But the way he went about it was so awkward and out of place, she couldn't help but laugh. In the end it worked. 

 

Even if Rey crashed every staff party just to talk to him, by the end of summer they would still be practically strangers. Rey rubbed her burning eyes. There had to be some way to get closer to him. Looking at the exposed beams of the cabin ceiling an idea began to form. Rey sat up and turned to Connie on her right.

 

"Heya, Connie?" Rey whispered. 

 

She whipped her head over to Rey and tilted her head questioningly. 

 

"Could I get a piece of paper and something to write with?"

 

"Sure thing," Connie chirped. 

 

She handed Rey what she wanted without asking any more questions. Rey was so thankful Connie wasn't the nosey type. 

 

Rey tapped the end of her pencil a few times before starting. 

 

_I enjoyed your company last night and I was disappointed when you left. If something I did or said upset you than I apologize. Making you feel uncomfortable was never my intention. You cheered me up when I started to get caught up in my past, but I some how offended you in return._

_When you got hurt, I wasn’t sure if I would ever see you again. A bone deep dread haunted me that you unconscious and bleeding would be my last memory of you. If I never saw you again I feel like for the rest of my life, every new place I went, everyday that passed, I wouldn’t help but search for you. I would always wonder about you. Every morning I would hold my breath waiting, and the tightness in my chest would never go away until we met_ _again_. _Almost the same way I do for parents._

_I know it doesn’t make sense. I know we are worlds apart. But I feel like I know you and I want to understand why. Perhaps we had run into one another before? Maybe you remind me of someone I once knew when I was very little? I just want the opportunity to understand this feeling toward you, however irrational. Would you please let me find out?_

 

 

Rey picked up her pencil and read back what she wrote. It was honest, maybe too forward, but she had to take one last chance. 

 

Swallowing a lump in her throat she nodded to herself. She was satisfied with it. She didn't write Ben's name, or hers, just in case. Rey folded up the paper and put it in her pocket. 

 

Shaking her arms out and rolling her neck, Rey tried to release nervous jitters. She stupidly felt like one of her classmates from elementary school passing notes with _Do you like me? Yes or no. Circle your answer._

 

Rey tried not to talk herself out of it, but the little parchment in her shorts pocket felt heavy. 

 

~*~

 

There was a good chance Rey would see Ben during lunch. He usually snuck into the mess hall with another knight or two after the line for the food had dissipated. He would grab his food and walk to a door in the back. Rey assumed it lead to a smaller eating area for the staff. 

 

Rey swiveled in her seat scanning every person who buzzed around. There was so much movement and activity she kept thinking she saw him from the corner of her eyes. 

 

"Hey, Rey. We are all planning on going swimming. Did you want to join us?" Connie asked softly. 

 

Rey turned to Connie a little disoriented from her racing thoughts. 

 

"It will be me, B.B., Finn, Rose, Jess and some guy named Mitaka that she has been hanging out with a lot,” Connie continued.

 

B.B. leaned in to add, "I have just been calling him 'Mr. Hickey' in my head since I am pretty sure he is the one that has been making Jess's neck look like a crime scene." 

 

"Sounds like fun," Rey smiled even though she knew being around so many people at once was going to make her a bit anxious. "I am not the best swimmer though. I probably will just sit on the side of the pool and let my legs in."

 

A mass of glossy, black hair caught her eye. He was there and Rey felt her hands shake. He swung his arms with fists at his side. And by comparison to everyone else in the dining hall he looked massive and strong. For a wild moment he reminded Rey of the man on the front of Maz's book. She could see him in a shirt with billowing sleeves, and his chest exposed. She imagined him holding her the way the man held that woman with the dress. Rey’s cheeks heated.

 

She scooped up her empty plate to take it to the front and drop it in the cleaning bins. She dodged running campers and counselors reprimanding misbehaved kids. Her legs felt like jelly making her way to the food counter. 

 

Rey scratched the bridge of her nose, suddenly feeling antsy. Standing in front of the serving counter, she closed in on Ben. He was right beside her as someone in a hair net slapped food down on his plate. At the end of the counter were small bowls of dessert. She could have just skipped over him to grab one instead of waiting. She rubbed her calf with the back of her shoe.

 

Ben turned toward her, annoyed, probably thinking it was a random camper standing too much in his personal space. He startled noticing Rey. She could see his expression soften minutely. He didn’t greet her in anyway, but Rey could feel the shift in his energy. It was strange how attuned she felt to him. It was like before he was giving off nothing but static but now he hummed. He kept his eyes on the plate in front of him. Rey was sure no one had ever given creamed corn such rapt attention.

 

“The green jell-o is always my favorite,” Rey said to Ben. “Something tells me it is yours too. You know because of the color, not because it tastes all that different from other jell-o.”

 

Rey knew what she was saying was painfully inane. She could tell from his wary expression. With shaking hands she grabbed a small bowl with her left while her right fished out the note. She held it in between her palm and thumb making sure to keep it out of sight.

 

“Here, take one,” Rey shoved the small bowl at him with both hands using the dessert as cover for the parchment.

 

“I, uh,” Ben answered not knowing how to respond, inspecting what she had thrust out to him. He raised an eyebrow skeptically. Rey wanted to groan. He looked entirely befuddled.

 

Rey begged with her eyes for him to just take the stupid bowl, with her stupid note on the underside of it.

 

He hesitantly reached out and unintentionally brushed his fingertips against hers. She knew he had done it by accident because at the same time they both gasped at the contact. A rush of images and emotions too fast to grasp sped through her. It was like a shot of pure adrenaline. Like feeling the the world tilt on it’s axis, like five thousand bolts of lightning. She could see her past, present and future in the blink of an eye. The images blurred past so rapidly she couldn’t decipher anything.

 

She pulled her hands back like she had touched pure electricity. Maybe she had. They both tried to catch their breath as they stared at one another unblinking and trembling. Rey could feel a single drop of sweat tickle down her spine in the cool mess hall. Ben’s pupils were blown out and his lips parted as he pulled in air.

 

Ben gained rational thought first, shaking his head and as if remembering he was holding something in his hands in the middle of a camp dining hall. He reluctantly pulled his attention away from Rey to the items he gripped with a quizzical frown. Before she could give him a chance to ask out loud what the hell she was passing off to him, and what in the name of sanity just happened, she booked it back to her table.

 

Speed walking with stiff knees, she collapsed back into her chair. She fanned herself with her hands as Maz, B.B. and Connie exchanged inquiring looks.

 

“It just got really hot in here didn’t it?” Rey asked, pulling her t-shirt away from her body. She froze when she made eye contact with Ben as he walked to the back employee area. She felt like he was moving in slow motion, and everything else around him faded and blurred.

 

“Sure,” B.B. said suspiciously.

 

They all tucked in, finishing their lunch. Rey thought for a moment she saw Connie give a knowing smirk before taking a big bite of her dessert.

 

 

888888

 

Ben had taken the folded paper and tucked it away. The whole lunch his curiosity had burned to know what it was she had written him. He had shaken his leg as he picked at his food, too distracted to eat. The green jell-o had seemed to mock him as it jiggled in the tiny bowl like it was chuckling. Damn gelatinous dessert.

 

Now he was on a job with Elle trying to keep his mind distracted. He hated how everyone was babysitting him like he would drop at any moment. They worked in relative silence fixing a leaking pipe in one of the boy's cabin bathrooms. 

 

Their coms scratched to life through the airways. 

 

"Heya, Solo," came Poe's voice. "Ya out there man?" 

 

Ben was crouching in front of the sink and pouted when he heard Poe radio him. He unclipped it from his belt.

 

"Yeah?" Ben answered. 

 

"Need you down at the office," Poe responded. 

 

"What for?" Ben asked irritated since he was in the middle of something. 

 

"Will you just come to the office?" Poe said sounding exasperated. 

 

Ben frowned. This had better not be one of Poe's pranks or surprises. 

 

"I can take over," Elle assured, bending back down and turning the water on and off again, seeing if the pipe was still leaking. 

 

Ben left the toolbox with Elle and made his way across the grounds back toward the main buildings. He squinted against the bright summer sun as everyone gave him a wide bereft so he wasn't weaving around campers.

 

It was too hot. Ben took his forearm to wipe the sweat from his brow when he flinched with a zap of pain. He almost forgot about his injury and how he got it.

 

Just when he thought he had put the note out of his mind it popped up again. He should get rid of it without ever giving it a second glance. He should, but he couldn't. The idea of throwing away anything she gave him caused bile to rise in the back of his throat. 

 

He felt silly with it though. The little piece of paper reminded him of days when he was younger and girls would sneak notes during class to the boys they liked. His heart would drop every time some girl gave him a note just for him to pass it off to someone else. 

 

Rey was the first girl to give him a note. It was belated. He was too old to be getting something like this. But to see her wide green hazel eyes as she passed it to him and then their fingers brushed, he had never felt anything like it in his life. Warmth inexplicably spread in his chest at the memory. 

 

A wave of self-loathing crashed into him each time he found himself thinking about her or being interested in her. There was something wrong with him. There had to be. She was 17 and probably still in high school. Ben winced at the thought.

 

He found himself standing outside the office building and braced himself for whatever Poe had behind the door. He pulled on the handle and the cool air from inside chilled him. 

 

The air conditioning alone would have been enough to send shivers down his spine, but when he heard a raspy laugh, goosebumps rose on his arms. 

 

No.  No no no no no no.

 

Ben was about to backtrack and slam the door behind him when he heard, "Benjamin!"

 

No amount of preparation before coming into this office would have been adequate enough for being face to face with Leia Organa-Skywalkwer-Solo.

 

Her tiny stature made her no less commanding. She stood in a gray pants suit, her white streaked hair tied into neat braids. Her brown eyes flashed as she said, "Tell me why I had to hear from Poe, that my son, my only child, was in a life threatening accident?" 

 

Ben pressed his lips. "Hi, Mom."

 

It wasn't until then that he noticed most of the administrative assistants and some staff staring. 

 

"Can we talk somewhere else?" Ben asked. 

 

Poe conveniently stuck his head out of his office. "I was just about to head out to do some activities set up. You can take my office."

 

"Thank you, Poe," Leia smiled, all sugar and spice and venom. 

 

"Yes, THANK YOU, Poe," Ben snarled. He ratted him out. His mother hadn't needed to know what happened. He hadn't wanted her to know. 

 

Poe practically bowed like she was roylaty as Leia passed him to enter the office. 

 

Ben followed like he was bravely going to stand before a firing squad. 

 

The heavy wooden door was shut behind him. 

 

Poe's office was just like his personality, a little manic. His cork boards were filled with flyers and papers and to do lists. The walls had funny and inspirational posters. His desk was littered with pens and pencils, paperclips and random bobble head figurines, even a Nerf gun. 

 

His mother looked around like she desperately wanted to hire a cleaning crew to scour and organize the room. She sat behind his desk and Ben took a seat feeling like he was in trouble. 

 

"Well? How are you feeling?" Leia started, after they hadn't said anything in a while. 

 

"Fine," Ben replied, because he was fine. 

 

Leia sighed, messaging her temples. "I heard that a camper found you? That you would have been out there all night, bleeding out?" 

 

Ben kept his gaze on the ground. 

 

"Ben." The way Leia said his name made him look up at her. Her eyes were glassy. "Talk to me. Did you - Did you do it on purpose? Like last time with the pills?"

 

Ben clamped his jaw down tight. "No. I promise it was an accident."

 

"Then why didn't you tell me? I had to hear from Poe? I was so worried." His mother looked like she had aged a hundred years in that moment. 

 

"I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to worry, like you are now," Ben explained. He felt sick. He had promised his mother he would never do anything to hurt himself again. And for her, he had meant it. He owned it to her after everything that had happened. After all it was his fault that -. Ben wouldn't let himself think it. "Will you be staying for a while?" Ben asked. 

 

Leia sighed. "I can't. I have a fundraiser for the support and awareness of left-handed gynecologists with lazy eyes." 

 

Ben blinked rapidly. "I didn't know there were that many that it warranted a fundraiser."

 

"You see, that's why we are having it!" Leia pointed. 

 

Ben swallowed. He knew why she did this, to keep herself distracted, to keep herself from feeling. 

 

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay and see how you have been these last few months. I haven't heard from you all that much. Have you given much thought about what happened at the trial and what you want to do next?" Leia's face creased with worry. 

 

Ben slouched in his seat, pressing his lips, "I know that after my testimony in court and my very public incident, no major corporations will hire me and I can't hide out here forever."

 

"There is still one major corporation you could work for," Leia hinted. A glint of hope sparked her eyes. 

 

"No," Ben said, knowing it would be a cold day in hell before he said yes to her offer. 

 

She folded her hands and deflated. 

 

He lowered his voice. "I should get going. I have these headaches every once in a while, still too much stimuli. It has only been a few days." Ben rocked forward and used the momentum to stand.

 

Leia stood with her lips pushed forward. "You can't blame yourself forever. What happened with your father wasn't your fault and you have more than made up for everything that happened with Snoke and his corporation."

 

Ben's stomach rolled. 

 

His mother came up next to him, so shrunken compared to when she was younger. It was almost as if the weight of the world that had been on her shoulders had finally compressed her down. 

 

"I have hope that one day you will crawl out of this darkness and find something to live for. I love you, son." She was heartbreakingly sincere.

 

"I love you too, mom." Ben’s voice managed not to crack.

 

Leia gave him a hug and he wrapped his arms around her.

 

 

“Please make sure that you call more often. You don’t have to say much. I just want to hear your voice,” Leia requested.

 

 

Ben nodded. He held her for a moment before she left the office and walked out the building. 

 

Ben felt physically ill. He always did when he talked to his mother lately. Sticking his hands deep in his pockets he hung his head. His hand bumped into the note. 

 

Ben stood alone in Poe's office and he needed a distraction from the short conversation he had with his mother. He carefully pulled the piece of paper out then examined it carefully. It still wasn’t a good idea to keep it. 

 

But he knew without a doubt that sooner or later he would read it. As much as he told himself to throw it out or ignore it, he knew he did not have the willpower. 

 

He unfolded it carefully. Her penmanship was abysmal and it was endearing. Once he began to read what she wrote his heart seemed to liquefy in his chest. After the third time of reading it through, Ben stashed it back to its original place. The words buzzed in his over stimulated mind.

 

She would have missed him and thought about him that much? The letter was so open and honest. He was amazed at her bravery for being so emotionally available. Because she was still young and had never known a broken heart she was still so bold. Or maybe because she was Rey and that's how she was. Behind the constant denial he wanted to know her too. 

 

He felt like an asshole for making her feel like she had done something wrong. It wasn’t her fault that he was ruined, that some days he felt so ashamed he wanted a mask because he couldn’t bare to look at himself in the mirror. He had made her think that she wasn’t good enough, when really he was the one that didn’t even deserve to be in her presence.

 

Rey was 17 and innocent and had her whole life a head of her. Ben was tainted.

 

He pinched the bridge of his nose. He had to get some fresh air and get his mind on something else.

 

Leaving the main office building he strode across the grounds thinking he would go back to his room to listen to music or read and get lost in someone else’s life, someone else’s world. Escape for a little while.

 

Ben heard shrieks of laughter. When he instinctually turned to the sound he saw a group of kids splashing in the pool. He halted mid step and stared. Amongst the group was Rey in a one piece black swimsuit, and she was absolutely stunning.

 

She sat on the side of the pool. Her legs were in the water and she slowly kicked her feet. Her smile was as bright and blinding as the sun itself. Her freckled nose scrunched at something one of the other campers had said to her. Her hair was down. Chestnut locks brushed her sun kissed shoulders.

 

His chest ached in an unfamiliar way that he only felt when around her. Ben shut his eyes tight. This was wrong. He wanted to scream in frustration. He knew he would keep her note for the rest of his life. It would be the most treasured thing he would ever own. But he wouldn’t write her back and he would stay away from her.

 

It was the middle of summer but Ben felt the need to chop firewood. He needed to swing an ax at something. All his pent up emotions felt ready to burst.

 

Opening his eyes and gazing back at Rey, he watched her laugh and talk and smile and it made him happy to see her enjoying herself. How could he feel so miserable and so blissful at the same time? He decided that he would watch her for just a few minutes longer, then he would go. He would pull himself away, for her sake and what was left of his sanity.

 

 

~*~

 

 

Rey decided that she didn’t really like Jess. She seemed nice and outgoing at first but as she sat there observing, there were small things she noticed more and more. Rey had horse back riding with her, Finn and Rose and she supposed they were riding horses more than socializing so she never noticed things about her before.

 

Rey wondered at first if there was perhaps a twinge of jealously. Jess was beautiful and had the body of a woman, like one of those pin-up girls Plutt and his cronies liked to post around the shop. And now in her lavender two piece bathing suit - which was practically see through - her figure certainly was impressive.

 

What Rey decided she didn’t like was how much Jess seemed to always want eyes on her at all times.

 

Mitaka was obviously enamored with her, falling all over himself to do anything and everything she asked. To be honest, Rey wondered why she was with him. He was wormy and shy and a little sweaty. She thought it was because Jess liked him for him and she wasn’t shallow about good looks. But after all the pathetic sniveling on his part, and sharp orders on hers, Rey figured out pretty fast she was with him because he worshiped her, not because she had any genuine interest in him. She didn’t like that she was using him.

 

Anytime anyone else in their group had a funny or interesting story to tell, Jess would interrupt and tell something even more extreme.

 

Jess aside, Rey had fun with everyone else. She laughed and talked and splashed water with them. They all understood that she wasn’t a very strong swimmer so no one bothered her about it and still managed to include her by swimming by the ledge.

 

Rey knew she was in for trouble when Jess smiled sweetly at her after they had been hanging out for some time.

 

“Hey Rey,” Jess said sacarine. “I know you aren’t the best swimmer but I really wanted all of us to go to the really deep end and dive. Since you aren’t going in anyway would you mind just sitting on the side of the pool over that way.”

 

Jess pointed to the far end of the water and Rey crinkled her nose.

 

“Yeah, I guess I could just sit on the side there.” Rey smiled.

 

“That’s a great idea!” Finn exclaimed. “Let’s have a diving contest and Rey can be the judge!” Finn treaded water while Rose back stroked around him nodding her approval.

 

“Are you sure you are okay sitting over there?” B.B. asked. “It is a lot deeper over there than over here,” B.B. said concerned.

 

Rey was about to tell them that it was fine when Jess cut in.

 

“She will be fine,” Jess waved a hand as if to say that it was nothing. “The water is above her head here anyway, so what difference would it make if the water was over her head there too? She is just sitting on the side.”

 

Connie opened her mouth to argue Jess’s logic. But Jess was already pulling herself out of the water. Her suit stuck to her like a second skin and Mitaka drooled.

 

Connie continued to look displeased as they all went to the diving board.

 

Rey perched herself again on the side of the pool. When her legs went into the water this time, she shivered. The deeper water was always colder. She watched as each person dived off the board. They all did an excellent job. Last up was B.B.

 

B.B. yelled from atop the diving board, “Everyone was doing a regular old dive! That is boring! Allow me to amaze you all with the B.B. Bellyflop TM!”

 

“There is no way you trade marked this!” Rey laughed hard as everyone else snickered and howled.

 

“You can’t prove I didn’t!” B.B. yelled before running and bouncing off the end of the board.

 

She went high in the air and instead of going in hands first, she spread her arms and legs out wide. The smack as she hit the water was so loud and splashed so much, every head turned toward her. Rey grimaced wondering how much that had to hurt. B.B. broke the surface of the water as she came back up, sputtering and grinning.

 

“How did I do?” B.B. asked. “Did I win?”

 

Rey laughed. “For that you definitely won!”

 

“I won’t even argue with that one!” Rose said. “She deserves points for creativity.”

 

“But she can’t win,” Jess pouted. “That wasn’t a proper dive at all! I was on the dive team back at home and I was county champ two years in a row. If anything, she should be disqualified.”

 

Rey saw B.B. roll her eyes behind Jess’s back.

 

“Well,” Rey said. “I believe I was made the judge and as judge, I declare B.B. the winner.”

 

Jess pushed out her bottom lip even more and flipped her wet hair over her shoulder.

 

“I want a rematch,” Jess demanded.

 

“Actually, I think we should get out now,” Connie said looking a bit nervous. “I am over this game and I want to get back to the cabin with enough time to shower and change before I have to go to art class.”

 

“Agreed,” B.B. said. “It’s best to go out as the winner. Maybe next time Jess!”

 

B.B. and the rest started to climb out. Rey began to stand back up but some of the younger kids were goofing off and not watching where they were going, a few of them ran into Finn. They created a domino affect. Rey saw it happen fast. Finn stumbled and bumped into Rose and Jess and they knocked Rey into the water.

 

Rey was plunged into the cold water and reached out to grab the side of the pool, but she must have been pushed too far away. Panicking Rey frantically tried to paddle to the surface. Her lungs burned as she held her breath. Rey’s head came above the water and she gasped for air. She flapped her arms. She was usually a better swimmer than this, but the sheer panic took over and she forgot everything. Her mouth filled with water. Sinking back lower Rey kicked and fought to get back to the surface. She opened her eyes under the water and everything blurred and sounds were muffled. She was sinking so much she was almost touching the bottom. The water was ice cold and it was dark.

 

Two shadows cut through the water, and one grabbed her around the waist before kicking off the bottom of the pool and propelled them up and up and up. They broke through the water and Rey coughed and wheezed. The thick arm around her, dragged her to the edge. Strong hands pulled her up out of the water from under her armpits like she weighed no more than a toddler.

 

She was sat down on one of the sun chairs.

 

Rey retched up a bit of water as a hand patted her back encouraging her to let everything out. A crowd formed but a deep commanding voice yells, “Everyone get back!”

 

One of the life gaurds wrapped a towel around her shoulders. They were wet and must have been one of the shadows. 

 

An anxious voice asked, “Are you okay? Can you breath? Please say something.”

 

The chlorine stung her eyes, but they focused on Ben, sopping wet, and she was speechless. She could do nothing but sit there and blink. His face was worried and his hands grip her shoulders. Rey was speechless. He seemed to get anxious at her lack of response. 

 

“I’m taking her to the nurse,” Ben declared stricken. He scooped her up with one arm behind her knees and the other cradled her back, bridal style.

 

Rey’s head spun and she wanted to tell him that she was okay that she was fine and can walk. But he had her pressed against his chest. He was so close and so concerned for her, not aloof or distant. And he was deliciously warm and she needed it after being in the cold water. So instead Rey rested her forehead on his shoulder and closed her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was thinking of tagging this also "sprinkle of crack" just because I am a very silly person so there will be silly things said by the characters. Yay? Nay?


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so slow burn I kinda hate myself. I promise the next few chapters after this one will pick up and actual things will happen. Thank you for your patience with my updates. And remember this is just a fiction story. I don't condone a lot of Rey's judgement calls irl. 
> 
> For those of you interested. My book is now for presale on Amazon. I have been writing it on and off since 2011 (cuz you know, life). "Evil for Evil" by J.B. Alijewicz.

This is amazing! Thank you so much, LeiaMyLabrador! I am honored that you made this for the story!

 

 

 

 

Rey felt the heat of his body and his massive arms cradling her to his wide chest. She heard the frantic thump of his heart. Closing her eyes she wondered if this was what home felt like - warm, protected, cared for. Through the fabric of his clothes he was like a blazing fire.

 

She only felt Ben take two steps before he stopped abruptly. Wondering why he halted, Rey looked up to see his face screwed up in discomfort. She watched his adam’s apple bob as he swallowed and he wet his lips. Her eyes were hypnotized by the long column of his neck, his jaw...

 

He opened his mouth to speak and his worlds were stilted and unsure. "Have we? Has this happened before?"

 

Often Rey felt like her and Ben were repeating a dance they had done before, but this was not something that felt familiar to her at all. His scrutiny was so hyper focused, she got sucked into his dark brown eyes.

 

"Will you please put her down." Mr. Ackbar's warbling voice cut through their trance.

 

It was like Ben had been slapped down to reality, and he appeared horrified that he was holding Rey so close. Finding the closest pool chair, he placed her down and took three steps back.

 

Mr. Akbar had blown his whistle for everyone to get out of the water. The rest of the campers stood behind the chain linked fence encompassing the large pool.

 

“Are you alright?” Mr. Ackbar asked, concerned. “Do you feel like you need any medical attention? How many fingers am I holding up?”

 

He held out three fingers, waving them in front of her face.

 

“Three.” Shy with all the attention, she ducked down her head. Rey answered, “I’m okay, just a little stunned."

 

Mr. Ackbar turned to Ben with a disapproving scowl. “You didn’t have to jump in, that’s why we have trained lifeguards.” His bulbous eyes looked him over. “You are getting over a head injury and you shouldn’t be getting your stitches submerged in water so soon either.”

 

“I had to jump in,” Ben answered. His nostrils flared. “If you lifeguards were paying any attention, you would have noticed she wasn’t wearing a deep water wrist band. She shouldn’t have even been sitting on this side of the pool.” He pointed to where she was sitting, as if to make his words really sink in. “How would I know you would see her struggling to swim? Neither you or Bazine seemed to tell her she shouldn’t be sitting on the ledge in the deep end.” Ben’s voice was hard, his eyes flashing with anger.

 

Mr. Akbar bristled, but didn’t say anything to him. Instead he turned to Rey, as if he was using the ire he had toward Ben and redirecting it at her.

 

“Free period is almost over,” Mr. Ackbar said to Rey. “If you feel light headed at all or have trouble breathing, go to the nurse immediately. You can go, but if you ever get caught in the deep end without a wrist band, you will be barred from the pool for a week.”

 

Rey nodded frantically. Mr. Ackbar turned to go back to his elevated seat overlooking the area. The weight of Ben’s gaze caused her to turn to him. He seemed torn between staying where he was and running back over to fret over her.

 

The rest of the campers were let back in. Her group of friends crowded around her, with worried expressions, words of concern, and mumbled apologies.

 

“Come on, Rey,” B.B. said slinging a towel over her shoulders. “Lets go. We were going back to the cabin early anyway.”

 

Rey nodded and trailed after B.B.

 

The group of them all left together. Rey checked over her shoulder where Ben stood still fully clothed and dripping wet. His shirt stuck to his body and his pants pulled low on his hips with the weight of being water logged. She hadn’t wanted him to let her go, and to stay in his embrace. She could have been mistaken, but he appeared to be reaching back out to her with his eyes, yearning and broken.

 

~*~

 

Rey was in her archery session and the activity had more than worn out its appeal.

 

Jyn was all smiles that day, and she had a dreamy expression. Rey assumed that her and Cassian had made up from their fight last night.

 

Her thoughts were plagued with thoughts of Ben. He had held her so protective and he had been so concerned for her. There was no way someone who didn’t care about her would look at her that way. Rey wasn’t sure if he had read the note she gave him yet. Her heart sank at the possibility that he might have just thrown it away immediately.

 

Jyn blew her whistle. “Ok everyone, 5 minute water and bathroom break.”

 

Rey was surprised that she was giving them a break at all. She usually just went full speed ahead with the lesson. It wasn’t until Rey saw Jyn dig out her cell and giggle at the screen that she knew the real reason for the time out.

 

“Hello, then,” A familiar voice spoke from behind her, brittle with nervousness.

 

Rey had to close her eyes and take a deep breath before turning her attention back to Thomas.

 

“Hi,” Rey said forcing a smile at him. She clamped her hands behind her back, suddenly not knowing what to do with them.

 

“So I heard what happened today with you at the pool?” Thomas gave the sentence an upward inflection like he was asking her a question, as if she didn’t know what happened. She was there. “And rumor says that that scary grounds guy was the one that saved you.” Thomas looked like the words he was saying were causing him physical pain. “So, I suppose he isn’t so bad.” His head dropped. “I guess I am saying I miss judged him and I am sorry about the cruel things I said.”

 

Rey’s shoulders relaxed. She hadn’t known until then that she held her body in a defensive stance. She had come off a bit to strong last time they spoke.

 

“It’s alright, Thomas. I guess we all tend to judge a book by its cover. I am sorry that I have been less than friendly toward you.”

 

“The dance is in a few more days.” Thomas rubbed the back of his neck. “Did you still want to go with me? If you changed your mind then I completely understand.”

 

Thomas hunched in on himself the way he always did. He perpetually appeared nervous and unsure. Rey didn’t hate him and she never thought about ditching him for the dance. She wasn’t so cruel.

 

“Of course we are still going together,” Rey’s smile was genuine this time. “But I have to warn you, you may have to endure an interrogation from my friend Rose.”

 

Thomas chuckled, “That’s the feisty little Asian girl right?”

 

“Oh she is more than feisty. She is down right terrifying,” Rey laughed.

 

Jyn blew her whistle before yelling, “Ok everyone back to their marks! Let’s go, move it along!”

 

Thomas gave her a little wave before getting back to his place on line. Rey waved back.

 

~ * ~

 

“I am so tired!” B.B. whined as they all left breakfast and headed out to their first sessions the next day. “I think this whole schedule is messed up. Poe is going to get a very strongly worded speech from me! It makes no sense. We get up at 7 am, during the SUMMER time.”

 

Rey laughed at B.B. and her good natured complains. “You have a point.”

 

“Damn straight,” B.B. giggled. “So you and Thomas still going to the dance together?” B.B. waggled her eyebrows and did a catcall whistle. “You two don’t talk to each other much do you? Usually when two people decide to go to the dance together they are like all cutsy couples until the end of the summer.”

 

Rey could tell that her cheeks were turning scarlet. “I don’t think of Thomas that way.” Rey did not want to elaborate on whom she did think of in _that_ way. Since Ben saved her from drowning, she had not seen him at all. This should not have worried her, because there were stretches of time where she didn’t see him. His absence though felt so much more significant because her skin was crawling with curiosity.

 

“Snap, finally asked me,” Connie supplied. “We have been sneaking off together and kissing down by the river.”

 

“Why, Connie, you brazen hussy,” B.B. said in exaggerated scandal.

 

Rey stopped in her tracks, realization dawning on her. “You think Thomas expects us to be _snogging_ all over the camp by now?”

 

“I mean at the very least I am sure he wants to lock lips at the dance.” B.B. shrugged.

 

Rey’s jaw hung open, unable to come up with an intelligent reply to that.

 

“It’s not a big deal. Who knows he might be great at it. You know what they say about the quiet ones.” B.B. winked. “We will talk about this later,” B.B. said over her shoulder. “See you later!”

 

Rey stood there in shock for a moment before making her way to Mr. Yoda’s class. She dragged her feet, riddled with thoughts of the upcoming dance and Thomas. It might have not been a big deal to B.B. but it was a big deal to Rey. She had never even had her first kiss. She knew she was older than most girls to still not have her first kiss but she had never wanted to kiss anyone…not before Ben anyway. She had been too busy and she had always thought it was unappealing.

 

Rey’s heart sped up though imagining Ben’s full, soft lips on hers, pink like candy. Would he be just as sweet? She had to literally shake her head to try and clear her mind. As she walked into the sweltering glass structure, she told herself to only worry about her plants today and nothing else.

 

Since Rey had not heard anything back from Ben about her note, she should just accept this as his answer. He didn’t want to get to know her better. He didn’t feel connected to her the way she did to him. Rey had survived much greater heartbreaks. She would survive this too, even as her chest felt as if it were ripping in two.

 

The section on the long table holding her plants was bright and cheerful. Her flowers were in full bloom in their clay pots. The tomato plants would need some spikes, because the stalks were so large, they bent over. Rey smiled, her spirits lifting. The little rectangular sign stuck into the soil of each pot had the plant species name and then her name written on the back. Comparing what she had to everyone else she was quite proud of her progress.

 

She hefted up her African daisies to move them into better sunlight, when something caught her attention. Rey had to do a double take because she knew that the little folded white piece of paper was not something she had left under her daisy pot. All she could do was stare at it. With trembling fingers, she picked it up. Rey whipped her head around making sure no one saw what just happened. Everyone was absorbed in their own work. Rey was trying not to hope too much that this was what she thought it was.

 

Rey didn’t even want to put it in her pocket, afraid it would disappear, so she left it clutched in her fingers.

 

“Mr. Yoda!” Rey yelled.

 

“Hmmm?” The old man questioned in a strange melodic way. He hobbled over.

 

“Is it alright if I feed the bunnies today? I haven’t done it in a while and my plants don’t seem to need much more attention. They are very healthy.” Rey displayed her successful greenery.

 

“Yes, Yes. Feed the rabbits you will.” Mr. Yoda gave a wrinkled smile and nodded.

 

Rey nearly ran to the supply shed. It was a large natural wood shed only a few meters away from where they were. It would provide enough privacy so she could read the note. She swung open the door and walked in, leaving the entrance wide open so she could get some light.

 

She felt giddy and nervous and blissful. Rey unfolded it once, then stopped, her heart plummeting. She had thought this note was a good thing, but what if he had written her a note to tell her to leave him alone. What if this was an easy let down letter? Her own ragged breathes echoed in the shed. It was the moment of truth.

 

Rey opened the next fold, and then the next, until it was fully open.

 

Before she read a word, she noticed his perfect penmanship. It wasn’t quite script that he wrote in, but it certainly wasn’t print. Was this how he wrote everything?

 

Rey held her breath because there was only one sentence written on it.

 

_I feel it too._

 

~*~

 

The rest of the day Rey felt as if she were floating. She wasn’t alone in how she felt. _I feel it too,_ he wrote. It was like he spoke the words into her soul, every cell in her body charged with excitement and possibility.

 

B.B. and Connie noticed her preoccupation the rest of the day. Rey had tucked his message in her pillowcase, her thoughts drifting back to it. She tried to not make it too obvious that she was looking for someone, but impatience made her careless.

 

After dinner they usually had a special event. They either went off site or had something planned on campgrounds. Tonight was outdoor movie night and they played a superhero film Rey had seen at least twice. They always had to have something appropriate for the varying age of the campers ranging from 13-17. Rey would much rather lay on her back and marvel at the night sky than the screen.

 

She was determined to pay attention to the movie playing. Every so often, as hard as she tried not to, she inspected the field around them to see if Ben lingered anywhere.

 

"Are you looking for someone?" B.B. asked beside her.

 

Rey came back to her senses and gave a polite smile to B.B. . Connie sat on B.B.'s other side on the blanket, with a dreamy expression. At some point in the day she had wove wild flowers in her hair. Snap sat next to her, his eyes glued to the huge screen.

 

Finn, Rose, Jess and Mitaka, sat diagonally from them, each couple snuggled up.

 

“Maybe you are looking for Thomas?” B.B. winked.

 

“Ah, Yeah.” Rey just looked down and bit her lip. Wanting to change the subject she asked, “Why is New York always getting destroyed? Why not give Houston or Chicago a go?”

 

“If random bad guys showed up in Texas, they would be taken down too fast because Texas don’t mess around. And if they fought in Chicago they would all get blown away by a gust of wind,” B.B. theorized.

 

Rey thought some more, “What about Japan?”

 

“That is Godzilla’s turf. He would take them all down.”

 

Rey leaned toward B.B., amused with their game. “London?”

 

“The fog! No one would be able to see through the fog.”

 

“Paris?”

 

“Who would fight in the city of love??” B.B. asked outraged. She brought her attention back to the movie, shifting so she was in a more comfortable position than previously.

 

Rey laughed, then felt the pull of someone staring at her. The glow of the movie screen was enough to illuminate the open field they were in. Turning to her side she saw Ben standing by the tree line, a broad shouldered apparition lurking in the woods. They stared at one another, long concentrated gazes, that neither one of them seemed to want to break.

 

“I will be right back. I am really thirsty,” Rey mumbled, scrambling to her feet.

 

His chin was tilted down but he looking up at her through his lashes, predatory but cautious, like a lion waiting to see what his intended target was going to do before pouncing. Rey wouldn’t have minded one bit if he did.

 

Instead of going to the closest water fountain, which already had a line, she veered off toward the shadow of the trees. Her pulse raced. This was stupid. She knew nothing about him but was sneaking off into a dark corner with a man nearly 10 years older than herself.

 

Rey could handle herself, always could, but her instincts were telling her that she had nothing to fear from him. That idea should have been ridiculous, but her instincts had never lead her astray before.

 

Ben’s head whipped around, alarmed that she was coming right to him. He looked stunned at her approach.

 

Rey checked over her shoulder, no one was looking in her direction. Most people were too spellbound by the adrenaline infused movie playing on the huge movie screen.

 

Ben leaned against the trunk of a tree, it was so dark she could only make the outline of him until her eyes adjusted to the darkness. At first he was like a shadow ghost, haunting the edges of the clearing, terrifying and beautiful with his tosseled locks.

 

Rey leaned on the tree too, but faced him. She stood so close she could feel the warmth of his body radiating toward her, just like when he held her close at the pool.

 

“I got your note,” Rey said, her mouth feeling dry. Her tongue felt thick in her mouth, and she wished that she actually had taken a drink of water before coming to speak to him.

 

“Yeah,” Ben agreed. His arms were crossed and so were his ankles as he leaned against the tree. “I think we need to talk.”

 

Rey couldn’t make out his voice. He almost sounded annoyed that they had to have a conversation. There was no softness in his tone the way it had gone at the last party they both attended. Someone saying you needed to talk was never something good, and Rey felt her face fall.

 

“What did you want to talk about?” Rey’s voice sounded small and broken.

 

Ben made a small groaning sound that caused her toes to tingle. “Don’t look at me like that, Kid.” In the dark his voice resonated deep and tentilizing. When he spoke again he sounded sad, tortured, “I’m already confused as hell about all this. If I made you cry -” He cut himself off.

 

“I wasn’t about to cry,” Rey said insistent. Even if she was over whelmed with emotion she would hold it together. “Don’t you think this is confusing for me too, these, things that I am feeling, this strange- ” Rey stopped to find the right word.

 

“Pull,” Ben finished for her.

 

Her heart sang at the rightness of it all. He had said that he felt it too. He knew.

 

“Had you always felt like that, since the beginning?” Rey asked with shallow breaths. “I did, the moment I saw you. Something inside me, it changed, like someone had turned on the lights for the first time and-”

 

“Like you could see things for the first time,” Ben finished.

 

“Brighter, more real then before,” Rey continued. She had somehow moved closer to him again. Their chests were almost touching. He was so much taller than herself, her neck began to ache from looking up. His head tilted down.

 

She wanted to touch him, to grab a hold of his arms and his shoulders and feel his hard sculpted body imprinted against hers.

 

“No,” Ben answered. “Not right away. It wasn’t like that for me. It wasn’t like a light switch was flicked on, more like I had emerged from a cold, murky lake and I kept trying to stay under the water because that was all I had ever known. I still don’t know how- ”

 

A large boom and a crash caused them both to jolt. The movie had finished and people were tearing down. The camp councilors were all calling for their campers so they could go back to their cabins as a group, and make sure no one stayed behind.

 

“We aren’t done,” Rey said anxious that they were always being torn away from one another just as they were getting somewhere. Rey had to leave. She couldn’t be seen with him.

 

“Tonight,” Ben blurt. “After lights out, meet me back here.”

 

Rey nodded with her jaw slack, before racing over to Maz who was waving around her flashlight looking for her girls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some odd reason I am having issues posting and it isn't correcting spelling. 🤷 I am working on it. Sorry for all the errors.


	9. Chapter 9

This was crazy. She found herself tiptoeing out of her cabin wearing her large hoodie. Clutching a flashlight, she only turned it on when absolutely necessary, transversing the wooded trials back to the clearing. She felt hypersensitive and aware of every gust of wind, every crunch of gravel under her feet. The moon was not quite full, but bright enough to cast a silver light. Her heart threatened to inflate 5 times its size. The thought that Ben would be at the clearing waiting for her, made her feel dizzy. She was always the one waiting. 

 

She startled. What if she went there and he didn't show up? What if he regretted telling her to meet him? Her quickened pace slowed, almost stopping her in her tracks. 

 

Approaching the clearing, she scanned the tree line and didn't see Ben at all. Clouds drifted across the moon leaving it darker than before. A painful ache pressed itself against her chest, Rey had never been so disappointed. Of course he didn't mean what he said. Why would anyone want her? This felt worse than the times Plutt conveniently forgot about holidays, or when the boys would tease her for her oil stained hands. A pit sat heavily in her stomach as she wished the ground would open up and swallow her. 

 

The clouds moved away, unveiling the spots she could not see before. The pit in Rey's stomach turned to butterflies at what she saw. There he was, outlined in the light of the moon, his silhouette a dominant figure. He was only a few meters from her, standing like a sculpture of a Greek god. Her limbs turned to lead, rooted to the spot. 

 

Ben had compared himself to a pyre, now she understood why, because she was set aflame. A need she never felt before drew her to him, until they were only an arm's length apart. His expression was unreadable, like a blank mask, from what little she could see while her eyes adjusted.

 

"Hi," was all Rey could say, wriggling her shoes in the grass. 

 

"I don't know why I am here," Ben said into the darkness. He spoke low, but his voice resonated all the way down to her bones. 

 

He sighed and tilted his head up to the sky as if he couldn't look at her and speak. Rey wanted to go to him and comfort him. He seemed so distressed. 

 

"I almost talked myself out of meeting you, but couldn't stand the thought of you just standing here, if I didn't show. I was wondering if you would even come." He dropped his chin and stepped a little closer, drinking her in like water on a summer day. "You shouldn't be here. You know nothing about me. I could be a mass murder."

 

Rey laughed without humor. "I certainly hope the owners of this camp, at the very least, do background checks on their employees."

 

Ben's body loosened, his eyes softened, as they often did around her after she spoke. Maybe he thought she couldn't see him properly, because unabashed, he traced every line of her face with his gaze. Desire flared low in Rey's belly.

 

"I'm still not a good man." Ben's tone dropped. "If I were even a halfway decent person, I wouldn't be luring an under age girl out at night."

 

"You didn't lure me. That implies I was being tricked or conned into coming here. I came because I wanted to." Rey's resolve hardened. "Would you hurt me, Ben?" Rey was serious this time, her chest heaved, taking long drags of air.

 

"No." Ben's open expression seemed affronted by the very idea.

 

"Good. I believe you," Rey said, taking half a step closer to him. Their gaze held, as it sucked her in. "Why did you invite me out here tonight?"

 

Rey was anxious to know. He could have written her another note, waited until daylight. Her attention fell on his lips, waiting for an answer. 

 

He kept his reply short, to the point. "Curiosity." 

 

It was so quiet, she wondered if he could hear her heart thudding. Rey's skin prickled under his scrutiny. Her whole body thrummed being this close to him. 

 

"I don't know why, but being around you, I feel-" He scrunched his face as if finding the right word, "soothed." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "At the same time I don't want you anywhere near me." He turned his back to her and looked up at the endless expanse of stars.

 

"Once again, I think I would like to decide what is good or bad for me," Rey answered firmly. 

 

"There are things, about my past-," he sighed.  

 

Rey watched the muscles of his back as he shifted his weight. "I don't scare off easily."

 

"I am beginning to see that," Ben mused. There was a stretch of silence. 

 

Rey came and stood beside him so that her shoulder almost touched his arm. She looked up at the stars too. There was something about the twinkling orbs that left her with a deep sense of longing. 

 

Ben said annoyed, "This doesn't make any sense. I'm nearly 10 years older than you, you are a camper and I work here." He ran a hand through his hair. 

 

"Whether this makes sense or not, what do we do now?" Rey's head swam, thinking of all the possibilities and outcomes of this night. She imagined all of her choices like branches, splitting off endlessly.

 

"I wish I knew."

 

Ben's profile contrasted dramatically in black and white, like old movies. The night leached colors from around them. "I would like to get to know you, and figure this thing out. Maybe even be friends?" Rey winced. 

 

Ben opened his mouth to protest. 

 

"You don't have to tell me anything that I don't need to know," Rey added quickly. 

 

His jaw rolled. "How will that work, exactly? If people see us together, having an innocent conversation, we will get looks. People will talk." 

 

"No one has to know," Rey said her voice so small. She was preparing for disappointment and rejection.  

 

He seemed to be thinking very hard for a very long time. Rey was on edge, anticipation gripping her so tight she thought she would be sick. 

 

"I have a bad feeling about this," Ben murmured. "If we do this, we have to have rules."

 

Rey beamed, surprised and overjoyed at his concession. 

 

"We can't be seen together at all. People could get the wrong idea," Ben rubbed the back of his neck. "No more meeting in the middle of the night. No passing notes to one another, someone might find them around if we aren't careful."

 

"Then can I have your number?" Rey asked nervously. "We are going to have to communicate with one another somehow, if we can't be seen together and we can't write notes."

 

"Fine," Ben said almost unwillingly. 

 

"I will save your number under another name." Rey assured him. Besides Finn, Rey had never exchanged numbers with a boy, no, a man. 

 

Ben fished around in his pockets for a moment before producing a sleek and expensive iPhone. She told him her number and he sent her a text message. 

 

His massive hands dwarfed his cell phone and Rey shivered, imagining those hands touching her bare skin. 

 

"Are you cold?" Ben asked. 

 

Rey felt herself flush, biting her bottom lip, she shook her head. 

 

"It's really late. You have been out in the cold long enough. You should get back to bed," Ben's voice rumbles. 

 

"Not yet. Will you stay with me, just a few more minutes. I have always loved star gazing," Rey said, giving the expansive sky her full attention. "You can see so much more here than in the city. It's beautiful. It amazes me how there are countless stars and far away galaxies. There are times when I feel so lonely. At night, desperate to sleep, I look out my bedroom window, into the universe. I wonder if there was another time, or place, where I existed, and wasn't so alone."

 

Ben turned to her sad, honest, his mask of irritation finally off. No one had given her such compassion. "You're not alone."

 

Her loneliness recognized his pain and solitude, so much like her own. Rey smiled up at him, "Neither are you."

 

~ * ~

 

Rey slipped into bed, placing a hand on her heart. She felt so full. That aching hole she had all her life inside her, didn't feel so empty anymore.

 

She fell asleep, remembering him say,  _You're not alone._

 

~ * ~

 

Rey hummed to herself as she got ready for the day. She slept soundly and had dreams of Ben, stars, and beautiful places she had never been to before. 

 

"You seem chipper this morning," B.B. commented groggily, but with a knowing, smug expression.

 

"I just slept really well," Rey grinned, her cheeks hurting. 

 

"I bet," B.B. said, sauntering over to Rey. She checked over her shoulders to make sure they were the only two in the cabin at the moment. "I woke up last night to use the bathroom and someone wasn't in their bed." 

 

Damn. Rey was petrified, her mind racing with plausible excuses to use. There was a lump in her throat she couldn't seem to swallow. 

 

"You snuck out to see Thomas didn't you?" B.B. whistled. "I noticed you disappeared toward the end of the movie. I bet you found him to plan a little rendezvous."

 

Rey let out a large breath. She was so relieved she thought her knees were going to give out. 

 

"You could have told me. Ya know, I could have covered for you if Maz woke up." She sat back down on her bed and rolled her eyes, like Rey didn't know the first thing about sneaking out. 

 

Rey chuckled nervously, "Yeah, sorry about that."

 

"So are his lips magic, or is he one of those guys who tries to cover your whole face with his mouth?" 

 

B.B. nearly bounced with excitement. She didn't want to lie to her, so she answered as best she could. "There was no kissing last night, but there was lots of star gazing."

 

"Well, that's boring." B.B. frowned. "But you are practically glowing, so that's kinda sweet." 

 

The door creaked open. Connie came back from the showers and Maz returned from her morning hike, stopping B.B. from interrogating her anymore.

 

~ * ~

 

Breakfast was its usual loud affair, with rowdy kids. Rey could not keep a straight face all through meal time. She took small covert peeks around the dining hall, wondering if Ben would show up. 

 

"Hey, Rey!" Connie nudged. "Thomas is looking over at you." She giggled into her hand. 

 

"What?" Rey turned to the table Thomas sat, and sure enough, he was staring. He gave her a half smile, waving. 

 

"He has it bad." B.B. leaned over to Rey, still chewing her cereal. 

 

Rey gave a jerky wave back, feeling rather uncomfortable. 

 

"Ok quiet down, campers!" Poe stood at the front of the dining hall, speaking through a bullhorn to get everyone's attention. The room settled as much as it could with a bunch of teenagers. The hall was quiet enough for Poe to speak normally.  "This is a reminder that our, Tron Dance Party, is only a few days away."

 

Some people clapped. The voices in the room got louder. Poe waited until the chatter came back down. 

 

"It's not too late to sign up for the dance contest…" 

 

As Poe continued, the hairs on the back of Rey's neck stood on end, like the air had charged. Every cell in her body knew, Ben had entered the room. The side doors slowly shut behind three men. But Rey couldn't even see the other two, she only saw the tallest one in the group, with piercing dark brown irises, and a surly scowl. 

 

When he found her looking back, the hard line of his mouth relaxed. 

 

Rey could not help the ridiculous smile that blossomed on her face. Realizing she probably should not be so obvious, she blushed looking down at her knees. 

 

"... And whoever keeps clogging all the toilets by the swimming pool, causing them to overflow, that's just not funny. It's unhygienic. On a side note, to the mystery clogger, if you actually have a medical condition of some sort, and that's the real reason the toilets keep getting backed up, then I sincerely apologize for the misunderstanding. And with that, you are now dismissed to go to first session classes!" 

 

Before Rey stood up from her chair, Thomas was already beside her. She stumbled back at his unexpected presence. 

 

"Can I walk you to first session, you know, since we are going the same way anyway," Thomas asked way too fast. His back was ram rod straight, and he braced as if preparing himself for a violent gust of wind. 

 

"Um, - I- well," Rey was taken so off guard she wasn't sure what was happening. 

 

"Of course she would like you to walk her, Thomas," B.B. supplied when Rey was at a loss for words. She made a show of holding up her hand as if she was telling Thomas a secret, but said loud enough, "Rey has been grinning like an idiot all morning because of you. Go get 'em tiger!" B.B. and Connie walked off together, leaving Rey standing there with her mouth opening and closing like a fish. 

 

Thomas's face lit up and Rey was angry with herself. 

 

"Really? Because of me?"

 

"The thing is - B.B. didn't quite - It's not-," Rey tried to explain but Thomas cut her off.

 

"I get it," He nodded. "You are just shy. This is probably not easy to talk about for you and you don't know how to make the first move. Come on." Thomas held her hand, and his was just as clammy and limp as she remembered. 

 

Someone breezed past her back. From the stir of the air and the little shock waves sparking down her spine, she knew exactly who it was. Thomas led her out of the dining hall, dragging Rey behind him like a favorite toy. Rey checked back to see Ben, but he talked to his two companions as if he hadn't seen her at all. 

~ * ~

 

It was rest period, and Rey dove for her phone. Her heart sank a little when she only had a few texts from Finn, and one from Rose. She settled into her bed sinking down so she was almost laying on her back.

 

FINN: _i_ _saw you and thomas leaving breakfast together. IS IT LLLOOOOOVVVEEEEE???_

FINN:  _Btw. dessert tonight is pudding. i know you hate pudding. can i have urs?_

 

Rey fondly rolled her eyes, texting Finn back.

 

REY: Y _es. You can have my pudding. No. It is definately not love._

REY:  _definitely*_

 

Rey opened Rose's text.

 

ROSIE:  _So you and thomas? everyone is talking about it. you know he is going to have to get through me first before he is ur bf._

 

Rey sighed. She didn't have the energy to get back to Rose. Rey was about to put her cell phone back under her bed when it pinged. The minute she saw the name on her screen, her hands shook with adrenaline.

 

MY MAN:  _Do you have plans during your free period?_

 

Rey knew that it was presumptuous and silly to save Ben in her phone as her man, but no one was going to see it. She couldn't use his name anyway, why not have fun with it? 

 

REY:  _No plans at all. Did you have something in mind?_

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for such a short chapter but I felt so guilty for not updating in a while!!! Marketing for my book is a job all on its own! If you haven't checked it out, please do! 
> 
>  
> 
> On Amazon "Evil for Evil" by Alijewicz 
> 
>  

 

 

 

"Come on, you will be just fine," Ben assured.

 

Rey clung to the post on the dock wearing a life vest. She had never been the best swimmer but after almost drowning in the pool, she was definitely not keen to get back into deep water so soon.

 

Rey questioned Ben when he told her over text to wear her swimsuit under her clothes. He had asked her to trust him and she did…. to an extent.

 

"I don't think this is a good idea!" Rey insisted.

 

The sight of Ben dripping wet, in swim trunks and a t-shirt that stuck to his skin, showing every line of his muscles wasn't even enough to get her to move.

 

The lake where he had taken her was beautiful. The water was a deep blue and the water rippled beneath a bright and cheery sun. Large trees that had been there for hundreds of years surrounded the body of water.

 

He took one of the maintenance trucks and drove along the path beside the river. All the way until they reached the lake. Only on special canoeing trips the campers went up that far, so there was no chance anyone would see them.

 

Sitting in the truck cab with the windows down, she couldn't help but stare as the wind ruffled his hair. They were alone together again and her heart hurt with how strongly it was beating. Her palms became sweaty as all she could think about was him stopping the truck, putting it in park and leaning over to her. She imagined the car rocking on its tires as they groped, kissed and rubbed against one another.

 

That had not happened. Instead she was here, clinging to solid ground for dear life.

 

"Come on. You need a teacher." Ben stood in the lake with the water up to his chest, his arms weaving through the water slowly. "I can show you how to swim. This is an important life skill."

 

"Yes, not knowing how to swim, living in the city, is detrimental to my everyday life," Rey had tried to sound sarcastic and snarky but the waver in her voice undermined her efforts.

 

"How did you come here every summer and not know how to swim?" Ben's voice sounded incredulous. He walked back to the dock and pulled himself up. Rey watched his powerful arms flex as he pushed out of the water.

 

"It's easier than you think," Rey defended, hugging the wooden pole.

 

"What about beach days?" Ben asked now crossing his arms. That seemed to be a favorite pose of his.

 

"Didn't go," Rey said.

 

"Canoeing?"

 

"We always have life vests, and I avoided going as much as possible."

 

"What about the pool?"

 

"I usually stay in the shallow end or just sit on the edge."

 

"Wait a minute," Ben's face looked genuinely alarmed. "When you saved me, I was told you were hanging out on the dock, and that's how you saw me. You were alone. You could have fallen in and no one would have known."

 

"I never had any close calls before," Rey reasoned. "And the water over there wasn't that deep anyway. But I know better now. So, I am completely staying away from large bodies of water forever."

 

Ben let out a long exhale through his nose.

 

"The solution isn't staying away from large bodies of water, it's learning to swim. You can even keep your life vest on this time if you want." Ben's last sentence was gentler.

 

Rey loosened her arms as Ben stepped closer. He really was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. His hair looked inky, slicked back from his forehead. He still had a few small stitches by his temple, but he looked mostly all healed up. Beads of water clung to his lashes, and his irises were a softer caramel in the bright summer sun. His swimming trunks stuck to his, muscular thighs.

 

He held out his hand toward her. "Rey, I want you to join me."

 

Rey looked at his large outstretched hand and wanted to take hold of it. He said her name so tender, his expression pleading.

 

"Please," he tacked on to the end of his statement.

 

A whirl of something familiar caused her stomach to twist. They had done this before, but very differently.

 

"I keep getting these moments of deja vu sometimes when it comes to you. Do you ever notice it?" Rey wanted more than anything to reach out and place her hand in his, but something was holding her back, some kind of bad feeling.

 

"When I saved you from at the pool, then carried you. I felt something strange then. It's what made me realize that there might be something else happening."

 

The wind picked up and the water around the dock sloshed. Seeing the movement of the water, something else came to mind, a large, angry, endless ocean and torrents of rain. All around them is gray while wreckage lays under their feet. She and Ben stood facing one another, he wears all black, but then she lost it all together.

 

Her mind returned to the present, Ben still expectant, the hot summer day. The water sparkled, reflecting the sun.

 

"Okay, I trust you." Rey took his hand and his swallowed hers up. A warm sensation went from his touch all the way down to her toes.

 

Even though his face didn't change, she could tell he was exceedingly pleased. They stood on the dock just gazing at one another. Rey didn't want to blink, not wanting to miss one second of this perfect moment.

 

"We will start in more shallow water. I don't think you will need the life vest," Ben said playfully mocking.

 

Rey pouted at him before letting go of his hand to take off the vest, and was unsure how she should go back to holding it again. She couldn't just take it. Gnawing on her bottom lip, she dragged her feet behind him as they walked off the dock and to a small area leading into the lake that had small rocks.

 

"I'm so glad there are rocks here," Ben says. "I hate sand."

 

"Seriously, me too!" Rey chuckled as if no statement had ever been more true.

 

"My parents had this house right on the beach when I was younger. They forced me out there on weekends. I would refuse to leave the house," Ben said.

 

Rey thought that should have been a happy memory for him, but he told her the short story without a hint of amusement or fondness. Rey wanted to ask more questions about it, but she knew he didn't want to talk about his past so she left it alone.

 

Ben took Rey's hands again to help her across the uneven ground, after taking her flip flops off. Ben left his t-shirt on and Rey felt like that was intentional, so she didn't bother taking her top and shorts off.

 

His fingers were thick and calloused. They looked like the hands of a real man, unlike Thomas with his slimy weak grip. Rey felt assured to follow him.

 

Wading into the water, she snickered as the bottom of the lake became squishy and slick, tickling between her toes.

 

Ben raised his eyebrow in question.

 

"I am a bit ticklish," Rey said. "The bottom of this lake is tickling my feet."

 

The corners of his mouth barely lifted, but she could see it and it made her smile stretch in return. Ben led her deeper and deeper. She tensed as the water rose around her. The deeper they went the colder it became.

 

"It's okay. I got you. I promise." His hold slid down her forearms to cup her elbows.

 

She shivered at the caress of his hands. And she knew he felt her tense.

 

"I know, it is getting colder. We won't go too far." Ben cooed.

 

Rey was on her tiptoes then there was nothing under her feet at all. The water was up to Ben's chest so she knew the water couldn't be that much deeper, but she gripped his biceps nonetheless. She ignored the pulse of heat in her body at being able to squeeze his firm arms. Rey thought of them bracketing her as their breaths became labored, their bodies slick with exertion.

 

"I want you to put your hands on my shoulders," Ben instructed and Rey complied, thankful he had no idea of the filthy thoughts going through her head. "Good. I am going to start walking backwards and I want you to let your body relax and float. Then practice kicking the water a bit."

 

Ben walked back and Rey kept trying to float on her stomach, but her body kept sinking like a rock. She wasn't going to give up though and kept trying. Rey clamped down on his broad shoulders. She fought to keep her mind focused on learning to swim instead of drooling over his chest.

 

"You are getting too tense," Ben said.

 

Rey nearly swallowed her tongue as she felt slight pressure and warmth on her hips. He pushed her up and walked back so her body trailed after him.

 

"Kick your feet a bit," Ben said.

 

Rey kicked hard and propelled forward, pushing Ben back.

 

"You are doing great," he said brightly.

 

Rey wanted to pretended to lose her grip to slide her hands down his chest. She enjoyed getting to touch him in small ways. The brush of his fingertips as he corrected her position was euphoric. He was patient, his tone soothed and encouraged.

 

Rey's heart dropped when he finally said, "We should get back. You are going to want to get back to your cabin and change before the free period is over. If you come back wet they will wonder where you were. What did you tell your friends anyway?"

 

Rey muffled a laugh, "I asked them if they wanted to hike the full red trail with me. They refused immediately."

 

Ben made a small gaff. Everyone knew the red trail took forever to go through the whole thing.

 

"What about you? Where does everyone think you are?" Rey asked. "I thought they weren't letting you go anywhere alone after what happened."

 

"I told them that I was going back to my cabin to rest because my head was hurting. They didn't question it." Ben began to lead them back to the shallow water. "They leave me alone. Being here is more like volunteer work."

 

"Oh?" Rey's curiosity was piqued. They must have not been paying him much if he was so expendable and even he said it was more like volunteer work. "So do you work someplace that has summers off?" Rey wondered if maybe he was a teacher of some kind, he was patient enough with her to be one. Maybe he did some kind of freelance work?

 

As they emerged from the lake, Rey pulled her clothes away from sticking to her body. The summer sun licked at her skin, warming her.

 

She couldn't look up at him, not knowing what expression to put her features in while he stood beside her like a wet dream.

 

"I'm in between jobs at the moment," Ben grumbled.

 

Rey's heart sank. Maybe he was just a lost soul trying to find his place, like she was. This time she did look up at him to see his uncomfortable grimace. He had his face turned away from her like he was ashamed. She wondered if Ben struggled to make ends meet. His Spartan living space made more sense now.

 

Rey reached out and took his hand. He appeared shocked as he watched her hand curl around his.

 

She smiled with compassion. Rey could imagine spending her life with him in a run down apartment, scraping pennies together, but so so happy. Snuggling together under warm blankets on cold nights because they can't afford to turn up the heat. Laughing while exchanging handmade gifts during holidays. Repairing the leaky sink together. Her throat became tight, daring to hope for such a future. One where they were together.

 

Instead of leaving his hand limp, he also closed his fingers around hers. As they gazed at one another, they didn't move, or even blink.

 

"We should get back," Rey whispered.

 

Nodding, he pulled her along as they headed to the truck.


	11. Chapter 11

Rey couldn't sleep. This wasn't an odd occurrence for her. Back at Plutt's she had many restless nights. At the camp it was easier to sleep because of the fresh air, the quiet atmosphere.

 

The stars were especially helpful in lulling her to sleep. She would stare at them for hours and let her mind wander until she eventually drifted off. She would recount in her mind all the constellations one by one.

 

Rey got out of bed to stand beside one of the large cabin windows. It was well past 1 am, the girls were deep asleep. She smiled to herself reminiscing about her day. Ben cared enough about her to help her learn to swim. The fact that Ben was even speaking to her was a miracle. Rey had lived her whole life always wanting, rarely ever getting. She wished for a family, wished she had money for clothes that weren't second hand, wanted belonging, but everything was always so far from her reach. This was the first time she ever really wanted something and it worked out. The joy she felt came with a small fear that this would slip right through her fingers. She tried to push her insecurities down, to not ruin this.

 

From the corner of her eye Rey saw something streak across the sky. A long line of shooting light. Rey gasped as yet another flew by, cutting the darkness with flashes of light. A smile stretched across her face as more and more rained down. It had to have been a meteor shower. Rey turned to her side looking for someone else to share this moment with and was met with silence. The grin slowly fell as an old familiar emptiness hollowed out her chest.

 

She could wake up the girls and share the sight with them, but she had no way of knowing they would appreciate the night sky as much as herself. If she woke them only for them to not care, she would feel even worse. Even more like an oddball that didn't fit in.

 

The truth was she knew exactly who she wanted to share this moment with, who she wanted standing right beside her, face tilted up in awe. Ben would value this as much as her.

 

Without giving it a second thought, Rey threw on a hoodie, grabbed a flashlight then slipped on her shoes.

 

She snuck away in the dead of night, navigating through limited visibility. Her heart thudded practically running to Ben's cabin. Rey kept sparing a glance at the sky to make sure the spectacle hadn't stopped.

 

She found the narrow trail that lead to Ben's cabin and didn't let a second go by before knocking on his door, too excited to think about logic.

 

Someone thumped around behind the door, yelled and cursed. Uneven shuffling and heavy foot falls clambered around. Rey heard Ben swear again. A light from inside the cabin clicked on and the door flew open.

 

Ben did not look pleased at all. "What the -?" Ben pulled up short blinking squinted eyes. "Rey?! What's going on? Are you okay?" His hair stuck up in odd directions. He had a t-shirt on inside out and slouchy sweatpants. His shoes were still unlaced.

 

"Ben! You have to come and see this! It's incredible!" Rey jet to the trail's outlook spot, not checking if he was following. She knew he would.

 

"Do you realize what time it is?" Ben asked fumbling behind her in the dark.

 

Rey gave a great big exhale once they had a clear view. The deep indigo sky varied in shades of purple and blue. Millions of pinpricks of light twinkled down on them. The meteors burned bright as they raced across. Rey had a small thrill spike inside her every time she spotted another one.

 

Crickets chirped softly around her. It was dark but Rey felt like she could see right through it without a problem.

 

She heard Ben's breathing catch as he also stood enraptured, "This is.. wow."

 

Rey brimmed with joy. Ben loved the sight as much as her. She could tell by his small gasps and how his eyes focused, growing wider.

 

"I had trouble sleeping and I was looking out the window and saw this. I am sorry for waking you, but I thought you would want to see this," Rey explained. She rocked on the balls of her feet.

 

Ben sighed. "It's okay I never sleep very well. I was just in and out anyway."

 

From the height they were perched, a chilly light breeze brushed around her. Rey shivered for a moment.

 

Ben grunted, "You seem to always be cold. Stay here. Don't wander around in the dark. It's bad enough you came all this way alone. Isn't safe."

 

He trot back toward his cabin and Rey frowned. Ben wasn't gone for very long when he came back with a throw. He slung it around her shoulders and Rey was flattered by his kindness and concern. The blanket smelled spicy and masculine. And she made a satisfied hum.

 

"So you have problems going to sleep too?" Rey asked.

 

Ben shifted and laced his fingers tightly in front of him. Ben started to speak reluctantly. "I have never been able to sleep well. I got night terrors as a little kid. They didn't really go away as I got a little older but they became less frequent and I learned to deal with them. When I was a teenager they stopped but it already instilled in me a wariness of going to sleep. Lately I have been dreaming of-" Ben cut himself off. "of other things that I shouldn't be dreaming of." Ben's gaze lingered on Rey. 

 

Rey gave a sage nod of her head in understanding. "Sleeping forces you to let your guard down and I can never sleep deep enough. My subconscious is too alert, preparing for anything. But I have been dreaming more lately."

 

Rey wondered if she should tell Ben that she dreamt about him, in the snow, the flashes of light. That train of thought only led to her remembering other dreams about Ben, ones that were not so innocent. Rey made a small whimper thinking about them. If she told him about THOSE dreams he would go running from her, never looking back just like he had at the party.

 

But still there was something in the way he had side stepped it. She thought she might as well just say it, "I have been having dreams about you."

 

Ben's jaw dropped, his eye brows raised.

 

"Or at least someone who looks a lot like you," Rey added quickly as heat built inside her. "Because in the dreams we are both different."

 

"Different how?" The upturned inflection in his tone told her he was very curious for her to continue. He shuffled a bit closer.

 

"He's always in so much pain. I can see it, and feel it like something physical. In my dreams I fight him and he is a force to be reckoned with, but also somehow gentle and understanding." Rey shook her head, with Ben giving her a stunned, unblinking stare. "I probably sound crazy."

 

"You don't." Ben was quick to correct. "I -I dream about someone like you too. She is always so far out of my reach, shining like the sun but I still strive to be near her." He spoke in barely a whisper with controlled intensity. "It's like I am chasing after her."

 

Rey couldn't believe it. He dreamed about her too. Or someone like her, who shone like the sun. Did he think that way about her?

 

The air between them thickened with tension. His eyes flicked down to her lips, but he pulled back.

 

"We are breaking our rules," Ben said. "It's not prudent to meet at night."

 

"I know." Rey sounded small and defeated even to her own ears.

 

"But I am flattered I was the person you thought of to share this with." A tender smile graced his lips, his expression softer than she had ever seen it before.

 

"Let's just watch for a few more minutes and I promise, I will leave."

 

Ben nodded.

 

Rey pulled the blanket off, placing it on the ground. She plopped down and motioned for him to join her. He reluctantly came to rest beside her.

 

They were shoulder to shoulder as Rey pointed at the sky and delighted in yet another shooting star. She lay back on the ground so all she saw was space. It made her feel so small.

 

Ben shifted and laid back on the blanket too with his knees up. His hands were kept folded on his stomach. His hair fanned around him and Rey wondered if it would be soft to the touch.

 

Rey giggled when she would see a whole cluster cascade down at once. She stifled a yawn wanting to stay watching stars with Ben a little while longer. Just a few more minutes and then she would head out. 

 

***

 

In a hazy state of mind Rey vaguely noticed she was happy, no not happy, something more than that. Satisfied, content, peaceful, a feeling she had never felt so completely before as she did now.

 

Rey squirmed against something warm and solid. She didn't ever remember having a pillow this comfortable, but she nuzzled into the soft fabric and drew her arms tighter. A ban of steel wrapped around her torso, but it didn't feel constraining it felt safe. Rey held on tighter. For a pillow it was rather firm. It smelled familiar, woodsy, spicy, masculine…

 

Rey's eyes snapped open in shock, releasing Ben's waist. Her head rested on his chest, his steady breathing a soft rumble in her ears. She wriggled her way out of his hold. The sun was peeking on the horizon. Birds were chirping and Rey was royally hosed.

 

Ben still laid on the blanket beside her mumbling something incoherent, rolling over in his sleep.

 

"Ben," Rey hissed. "Wake up! We fell asleep!"

 

Stupidly, partially conscious he looked around himself, confused.

 

"Get up! We are so screwed!" Rey scrambled to her feet.

 

Ben finally realized where he was and spit a filthy curse before pushing himself off the ground. "What time is it?"

 

"It's still early. I think," Rey answered ringing her hands. "But Maz likes to get up with the sun."

 

"Get back to your cabin as fast as you can. If someone sees you, say you wanted a morning walk." Ben's clothes were crumpled. He swiped the blanket from the floor.

 

"Ok," Rey didn't have to be told twice. She took three long strides to leave before turning back to Ben. Should she say goodbye, or hug him or thank him? She almost moved toward him as he watched her, still as stone.

 

"It's okay," Ben said with a half smile. "I'll see you later. I promise."

 

Turning and sprinting down the trail, Rey's heart beat in her throat. On her way back, she realized she left her flashlight behind. It was her only one. She would have to get it at some point. The day was just starting to get lighter so she didn't need it to get back. She charged through tree branches, barreling through the woods loudly.

 

Once the cabin was a few meters away, Rey slowed down. She heard voices inside. They were already awake! Or at least Maz was, and waking up the girls to find out where Rey was. No one would believe that she randomly went on a morning walk.

 

Having a brilliant idea, Rey went to the back of the cabins. She stripped off her clothes and hung them on the peg before turning on the nozzle. She jolted at the unexpectedly frigid water. A bit of her bar soap had been left in the stall and she lathered up. Not long after, she heard the lithe steps of Maz rounding the corner.

 

"Rey?" Maz chastised. "You nearly gave me a heart attack." The woman placed a wrinkled hand on her chest. Her gray hair sprawled out and her huge glasses magnified her eyes to 2 times their size.

 

"Why, Maz, what's wrong?" Rey called over the sound of the water. She tried her best to keep her teeth from chattering, the water feeling like tiny daggers stabbing her skin.

 

"You are usually never up this early. I didn't even hear you get up this morning. I got worried when I didn't see you in bed," Maz crossed her arms over her bathrobe which was at odds with her hiking boots.

 

"I had trouble sleeping, so I thought I might as well get ready for the day." Rey was impressed by how calm and collected she sounded. The shower began to warm up and her muscles relaxed.

 

"Alright," Maz said, sounding convinced, her brow smoothing out. "Since you are wide awake, care to go on a morning walk!"

 

"That's very thoughtful of you, but I think I am going to pass." Rey gave an apologetic grin over the stall door.

 

"Your loss then!" Maz hollered as she went back into the cabin.

 

Rey loosened a breath as she began to calm down. She hadn't been caught.

 

***

 

The cabin was quiet once again. It was rest period and everyone was on their own bunk doing what they usually did after checking their cells. Maz was reading her romance novel, Connie doodled in her notebook and B.B. snored away taking her daily nap. 

 

Rey hadn't wanted to be too eager to check her phone, it would be suspicious. She hadn't seen Ben. Then she was forced to make small talk with Thomas in nature class, when all she wanted to do was relive her time with Ben over and over in her mind. 

 

She pulled out her cell with three messages. Rey wanted to shriek with excitement one of the messages was from Ben.

 

From My Man:

_Did you get back on time? Did they suspect anything. I am so sorry, Rey. I shouldn't have fallen asleep. I don't think I have ever slept so deeply before._

 

Rey messaged back, not sure if he would see it right away or not.

 

_It was a close call. Maz was already awake. I had to run to the back of the cabins and pretend like I had got up early to take a shower._

_Those shower stalls are the best!_

 

Rey saw the three dots indicating he was typing.

 

From My Man:

_Well, I am glad to hear that. I can not tell if you are being sarcastic or not about the shower stalls._

 

_No sarcasm. Believe it or not, I actually begged Jyn for cabin 13._

_May I ask, why?_

 

He texted so properly. Of course he would.

 

 _13 looks like if it could talk it would have great stories to tell, its been around so long. I liked how far out from everything it is, more quiet._ _It's settled in the woods and the windows are bigger than the other cabins. The showers outside feels freeing. I feel like whoever built it, did it in a way that maximized the inhabitant's involvement with nature._

Rey dared to type the next thing. 

 

_You don't seem to mind the showers being outside either._

 

Dots bounced at the bottom of her screen. Then stopped, then started again. 

 

 _I never did apologize for that. It must have been upsetting to see a strange man at the place you were_ _supposed to be staying in for the entire summer._

 

_I'm not the least bit sorry that I saw you there._

 

Rey's pulse quickened. It was easier to be bold behind a screen.

_In fact, I'm very glad I did._

 

No typing. Nothing. She swallowed thinking she over stepped and decided to change subject.

 

_Are we having another swimming lesson today?_

 

The dots bounced.

 

_Won't your friends be suspicious if you are not with them for the second day in a row?_

 

Rey was relieved he was answering her.

 

_It's a bit embarrassing how much they don't even notice I am gone. My friends Finn, Rose and B.B. are always off on their own adventures lately. Connie has a boyfriend, and I don't really have any other friends._

 

Ben types.

 

_I saw you with some boy. He held your hand. Isn't he your friend?_

 

_Thomas? He is very nice and we are going to the dance together but were aren't really friends._

 

_I see._

_Not today, unfortunately. I have a few things that I have to take care of. I have to go. See you later at some point._

 

Rey exhaled, disappointed. She had just seen him that morning. Why did it feel like an eternity ago?

 

88888

 

Ben pocketed his phone after his conversation with Rey. He stood there, still, looking up at his cabin. There should be no reason for his mother to be waiting for him, yet there she was, with a worried expression standing on the small porch. She was very out of place in her stylish suit, as if she had never stepped out of a city in her entire life. Ben had headed back to take a mid day shower before he had more assignments to finish. He wore beat up clothes and had sweat through his shirt. He and her, were polar opposites in attire. 

 

What had Poe told her this time that she showed up at his cabin door? 

 

"Ben," his mother said, sounding surprised. He didn't know why she sounded shocked to see him. It was his cabin. Had she not come here to see him in the first place?

 

"Mother?" Ben inclined his head. "I wasn't expecting to see you so soon. What brings you by?"

 

"I have some troubling news I am afraid," The crease in between her eyebrows deepened. The way she had her hands clasped in front of her told him that this was very bad news indeed. 

 

"I would invite you inside to talk but I don't even have a chair you can sit in," Ben informed her. 

 

Leia's mouth became a hard line. The fact that she was not chastising him for not having more things inside the cabin was another clue her news was important. "I can't stay long."

 

Big surprise, she always said that. 

 

"You have been off the grid, so you don't know, but, they found Nathaniel Orlok dead."

 

Ben experienced an instant bought of vertigo. He swayed, opened and closed his mouth a few times before deciding that no words were going to come out. Orlok had been a former director at First Order industries under witness protection.

 

When Ben had decided to testify against Snoke, they offered to take him under protective custody too, but insisted he could hide well enough on his own. Ben had no friends or personal contacts. He owned and inherited places all over the world. It would take Snoke and his cronies years to locate every single one of them. They would have expected the infamous Kylo Ren, to be hiding out in his villa in Italy, the estate in France, or a vacation hut in Bali. He could have been in one of his heavily guarded cottages in wine country. But he was in none of those places, because they were too high profile and he didn't know who amongst his staff he could trust. He had thought that no one would find him hiding out in a run down cabin in a summer camp very few people knew his family owned. He had stayed off the grid, getting a whole new prepaid phone. When he went to the hospital for his accident, he was under the camps insurance and they used a generic name. He didn't use any credit cards and didn't need to buy anything while he was there, having all of his basic needs taken care of. 

 

"You could have called," was all Ben could muster. 

 

"Someone could be tracking my phone," Leia said. "I didn't even bring it with me. No one even knows that I am here, not even Poe."  His mother's face turned pleading. "Ben please consider taking some help."

 

Ben made a sarcastic laugh. "Yes, because that help worked out so well for Orlok."

 

Leia glared.

 

"He must have slipped up some how, called an old friend, carelessly used his accounts or credit cards," Ben rationalized. 

 

"You are still using your birth name here," Leia argued.

 

"I am using it only here because, Snoke thinks there was no way I would ever go back to it. He thinks that I would rather die. He also underestimates your capacity to forgive me, as I did," Ben swallows. "He doesn't think you would help me."

 

They both fell silent thinking about his suicide attempt. 

 

"To be safe, I can't come back here," Leia informed. "Poe is still the only one that knows everything?"

 

"Yeah, he hasn't even told Cassian. He has been really good about not telling anyone anything about me being Kylo Ren." The floor boards of the cabin porch creaked under his feet as he rocked his weight nervously. 

 

His mother surprised him by cupping his face in both her hands. Her expression was tragic, her hands soft on his chin. 

 

"Please be careful," Leia said her eyes swimming. "I can't lose you again." 

 

"You won't," Ben promised. They were silent except for the rustle of the leaves on the trees, and a few birds chirping.

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm losing track of time in the story. Lets just pretend enough time has gone by for the dance to happen? M'kay? This is unbeta-ed so I will make corrections as I see errors. I wanted to get this chapter out there since I had not updated in a while. Thanks for sticking with me! 
> 
> *TROS SPOILER*
> 
> I was going to make this angsty, but in response to TROS I am going to make this the sweetest, most romantic, sugariest, happiest, softest, story ever written!!! DANG IT!

8888

 

Ben lay in his bed after his mother left, thinking about the whole situation with Orlok. His hair was still damp and leaving wet spots on his pillow after his shower. He pressed the tips of his fingers to his eyes. He had almost forgotten why he was really here. It was easy to forget, away from everything and everyone.

 

And then, there was Rey. 

 

The guilt choked him. Rey was so young. She had no idea who he really was, what he had done or where he was from. She didn't know what he was hiding from, and that just by being around him she was putting herself in danger. Ben knew he was a selfish man, but even he felt like he had hit a new low. He had tried to fight how he felt for her. He should have tried harder to stay away, but it all changed when he saw her plunge beneath the water, with her arms flailing. Even from the distance, he could see she was not wearing the bright yellow wrist band that said she could swim in deep water. He had felt like he was drowning with her. He had never in his life been more terrified. The night terrors he had as a child didn't compare. 

 

The mere thought of pushing her away made him feel sick. If she knew the truth of who he really was, maybe he wouldn't have to push her away, maybe she would run from him. A deep rooted pain twisted inside him when he thought of the possibility of never seeing her again. But he knew it would be worse if anything were to happen to her just because he was desperate to not be so lonely. It was not only the loneliness, there was something inside himself that drew him to her. She played a siren song that spoke to his soul. 

 

Ben rolled to his side, and stared at his walkie discarded on the ground beside his bed. He reached out a long arm and grabbed it, flipping to the channel reserved for The Knights. 

 

"Katu? Elle?" Ben asked into his comm. 

 

"What?" came Katu's rather bored voice. 

 

"I think I am going to take off the rest of the day. Could one of you cover my hours? My head really isn't feeling well," Ben explained. 

 

"Taking advantage of this aren't you, Ben?" Katu said matter of fact.

 

"Shut up, Kay. The guy has a head injury," Elle defended.

 

"I think he had one before that canoe even hit him," Katu answered. 

 

Ben's lip curled at his drawling voice. 

 

"It's fine, Ben. I got you covered," Elle answered. "Don't let it be said that a woman can't do everything a man can and more!"

 

Ben was not in the mood for one of Elle's rants. "Thanks. I owe you one." 

 

Ben clicked it off before anyone could say another word. Maybe his mother was right. Maybe it was foolish for him to be here. He stared at the ceiling of his cabin but all he could see were a pair of wide hazel green eyes. He already missed her laugh and her smile, shining a light into his dark, gloomy existence. This wasn't right.

 

It was only the afternoon. Ben wanted to read but if he did it for too long he still got a headache, so he could do nothing but daydream. He thought of the way her whole face scrunched up when she was really happy. How she observed the night sky with awe last night. Ben had to stop thinking about her. He didn't know what to do. 

 

Rolling out of bed, Ben went over to his beat up stereo and put in a c.d. of one of his favorite bands. He laid on his back and shut his eyes, listening to the music play in the cabin. He tried to calm his racing thoughts. 

 

 

~ * ~

 

Rey hadn't heard from or seen Ben after her little talk over text message the previous day. And she would be lying if she said she wasn't concerned. At the very least she saw him walking across the grounds. 

 

Poe stood with his feet shoulder width apart as he gave more announcements after breakfast. Rey's attention kept cutting in and out.

 

Rey let herself drift back to yesterday morning. It had been so wonderful being wrapped in Ben's arms. She was warm and safe. It was the best night's rest she had in a very long time, maybe ever. She tossed and turned most of the night. Then this morning when she opened her eyes, she was in her small bunk, cold and alone. Now that Rey knew what she was missing, she didn't know how she could go back. 

 

"...Yet another reminder that tomorrow tonight is the dance. Only teams that show me their dance routine before hand can be approved. We don't want a repeat of the 'twerking incident', though admittedly, those guys were pretty good…"

 

Rey heard the side door to the mess hall click open. Her hearing naturally honed in on the sound, knowing Ben always arrived in that direction. Rey followed him with her eyes. She watched every movement his body made. If she had wanted him before, it was nothing compared to now. Now that she knew what he felt like against her and the scent of him. Every breath he made in sync with her own.

 

Their eyes met. Every cell in Rey's body seemed to light up like a Christmas tree, but instead of holding her gaze Ben dropped his eyes immediately and her heart plummeted with it. Why was he being so indifferent? She thought they had an understanding. 

 

He leaned down to one of his fellow workers. He wasn't much shorter than Ben, with blonde hair and dark eyes, and he looked distinctly bored. Ben whispered something in his ear. The other man shrugged and turned away as if whatever Ben said had no consequence to him. Ben went through the kitchen doors and out of sight.

 

Poe continued. "Last but not least, we can not stress this enough! Please, if you are unsure if an animal is dead or not, do not poke it with sticks. We don't want anyone getting rabies... again. With that you are all dismissed!"

 

Everyone got up to leave the mess hall which echoed with voices. A head of pale blonde hair was making it's way against the crowd and on the way over to her. Thomas. Rey sighed. She had to let him know that they were just friends. It wasn't like she could just avoid him all summer. 

 

The girls got up to leave, and B.B. and Connie looked back at Rey, expecting her to follow. 

 

"I will catch up with you guys later. I just have to talk to Thomas," Rey explained jerking a thumb in his direction. Rey's heart sunk at the prospect but it was better to be honest with Thomas that she had no interest in him, before going to the dance thinking it is a date of some kind.

 

B.B. gave a thumbs up as they bound out, laughing and talking.

 

Thomas was wearing a t-shirt that was too large for his thin frame and shorts with way too many pockets. He walked a bit hunched over as usual. "Are we walking to Nature Class?" Thomas asked enthused. 

 

"Yes." Thomas went to grab her hand and she pulled away slightly. "And there was actually something I really think I need to talk to you about." Rey twiddled her fingers as they strolled. 

 

They walked out into the summer sun making their way to the greenhouses at a leisurely pace. 

 

His face fell. "That's never good when someone says that." They went down the wide trail that lead to where they met Mr. Yoda. The campers around them thinned as everyone arrived to their first session classes. The wind rustled the leaves filling in the quiet that fell between them. 

 

Rey looked down at her sandals and said shakily. "Listen Thomas, I have to be honest with you." She watched his face drop further, but powered through. "I like you, but when you asked me to the dance I should have made it clear that we were going just as friends."

 

"Oh," was all Thomas said. He stopped walking all together. His expression turned dark and Rey took a half step back from him. "I should have known." His tone was hard as his brow creased, taking away his boyish looks. 

 

Rey was shocked, she didn't think that baby-faced, quiet, shy Thomas was capable of looking so bitter.  His lip curled.

 

"I'm really sorry, Thomas." A pang of guilt almost had Rey put a hand on his shoulder in apology. 

 

"The guys warned me," He spat, getting louder. He clamped his hands and his back became ridged. "They said that you were a prude. And you didn't dress up like the other girls or wear make-up. The guys asked me why I was even interested in you when you were so flat. They said they weren't even sure you liked boys because each year they saw you, you were only with that Finn kid and you weren't putting out for him. Tito told me I was wasting my time, with the butch bitch." Thomas's words were cutting and cruel. 

 

Rey was dizzy with anger. She was hurt and wanted nothing more than to lash out. Her vision was tinged in red. Her fist swung before she was even making a conscious decision. Her knuckles connected with his soft lower belly. Rey's hand felt numb and the only reason she knew she actually hit him hard at all was because he doubled over and stumbled back.

 

Thomas crouched down, holding his middle, gasping for air.

 

Rey breathed through gritted teeth, standing over him, the blood rushing in her ears. "You know what Thomas? The guys are right, I don't like boys. I prefer real men." 

 

Spinning around, Rey marched down the trail.

 

~*~

 

_Are you okay?_

 

Rey stared down at the text message she had sent Ben earlier that day. There had been no response. She lay awake in bed again. The things Thomas had said to her earlier shouldn't have bothered her, but they did, especially now. She had never given much thought to how other people saw her. For the first time in her life she wondered about her looks.

 

Ben hadn't seemed to mind what she looked like, especially that night at the staff party when she danced for him. She wished she could stare into his warm brown eyes and hear his voice and it would sooth her. Sleep wouldn't evade her. This boiling anger in her veins would subside. 

 

After over an hour of trying to chase a good nights sleep, Rey decided it was hopeless. Why was she fighting it? She knew where she wanted to be and didn't think he would turn her away, even if he had been oldly distant. Zipping herself out of her sleeping bag, Rey decided she wasn't staying in her bed a moment longer. 

 

Getting back to Ben's cabin, without her flashlight, in pitch black proved difficult, but not impossible. Rey was careful and took her time. 

 

She made it to his cabin and wiped her sweaty palms on her hoodie. She lifted her fist and rapped on the door. The glow of a lamp clicked on and Rey heard Ben bumbling through his cabin like last time. Rocking on her feet she waited nervously for him to open. 

 

When he did, Rey's nervousness melted into concern, when she saw the state of him. The light from inside let her see his face clearly. His eyes were red rimmed and he had bags under them. His hair stuck out in odd directs as if he had been running his hands through his hair or been tossing on his pillow. 

 

He froze at the threshold, his body tightly coiled. Ben opened his mouth to speak but Rey talked first. 

 

"Ben, what's wrong?" Rey couldn't stop herself from what she did next, it was as natural as breathing, as if she had done this a million times before. She lifted her hand and placed it on his cheek. Her thumb stroked softly on the side of his face. He was already getting stubble, the course hairs scraping against her thumb. 

 

Rey could see the change in him as he melted at her touch. He closed his eyes and made a small satisfied hum. 

 

She didn't have to ask him to let her come in, he stepped a side on his own. He wasn't going to fight this. Rey slipped her hand down his neck following the line of his shoulders and down his arm, until she held his hand. 

 

The cabin was just as she remembered it the one time she had snuck inside. The piles of books and the Spartan living space remained the same. There was no place to sit so she sat on the foot of his bed, pulling Ben down to sit beside her. 

 

They didn't say a word to one another. They sat so close her knee grazed his thigh. She took his one hand in both of her own as she stared at him. She could feel his distress etched in his eyes. Where their hands touched she felt a flow of electricity, as though a current ebbed and flowed between them. Another memory where she was in a very small stone cabin with a fire lit and their hands touched, flashed. She felt a tear slide down her cheek now as it did then, with the over whelming connection she felt. 

 

"Ben," Rey whispered softly. It wasn't a question or even a statement to elicit a reaction, but said to taste his name on her lips. She drank in his sharp features and soft mouth. His hair looked so thick, glossy. 

 

"You are breaking our rules again," Ben said, his voice trembling in the dimly lit room. 

 

Rey lifted her hand slowly like she was going to pet an animal that would bolt at any second if she moved too fast. "You have been avoiding me." Her voice was thick, sultry. She carded her fingers tentatively through his hair. They both sighed and shut their eyes as she ghosted gently through his hair. It felt like feathers tickling her fingertips and sent bolts of lighting down her body. 

 

Ben hunched lower to grant her touch a better reach, as her hand traveled down the back of his neck. His forehead pressed against her own. Rey felt weak and feverish. "And I couldn't sleep. I wanted to see you." Rey admitted. 

 

"I couldn't sleep either," his voice was gravelly. They both whispered as if speaking any louder would somehow break the still, cool air around them. "I have had a lot on my mind." He swallowed, his adam's apple bobbing. Rey opened her eyes to look directly into his. Rey drew breath in surprise as he caressed her neck, light as a breeze. He cupped her jaw. Her body came alive with the tiniest bit of contact. She realized that she couldn't remember the last time anyone had touched her with such care and adoration. 

 

"You can talk to me about it if you want. I didn't have the best day either," Rey tapped the tip of her nose to his, but didn't dare get any closer. She couldn't believe he was letting her do this. He was so warm and every breath she took carried his scent. 

 

"I don't want to talk about it," Ben sighed. "You being here is enough." After a moment of them staying the way they were he asked, "Why did you have a bad day?" 

 

Rey shrugged and said slightly amused, "This guy I am interested in was ignoring me all day today." 

 

Ben gave a startled, bemused, chortle. He skimmed the delicate skin of her neck with the tips of his fingers. "He sounds like a real asshole. He doesn't deserve your concern." His last sentence was serious.

 

"I think that remains to be seen," Rey retorted. She shifted on his bed, with her toes she pushed off her shoes. Reluctantly, she let go of Ben to unzip her hoodie and dropped it to the ground. 

 

"What are you doing?" Ben pulled away as his brow scrunched. 

 

"Getting comfortable. I'm staying the night," Rey's mouth was dry as she made the bold statement. 

 

" _Rey,"_ Ben tried to reprimand. 

 

"I slept better with you than I ever have. And I don't want to leave you when you are upset. Let me stay. Just tonight," Rey gave her saddest eyes, pleading with him, seeing his walls crumble. "I just want to hold you. Please?" She mapped his face again, wanting to imprint it in her memory forever. 

 

It was the 'please' that broke him. She could see his resolve disappear and his lids shut tight as he gave a stilted nod. Relief was tinged with nerves as she scooted back. She laid on her side and waited for Ben to join her. Her heart jumped wildly in her chest. He carefully placed himself beside her, his broad back facing her, stretching his jersey knit t-shirt. She wiggled a little closer, resting her head between his shoulder blades and throwing an arm around his waist. He felt like a safe haven, and he smelled like home. He was stiff and unyielding at first, but as she snuggled his shoulders and began to lovingly stroke the ends of his hair, he relaxed.

 

A rumbled hum of contentment, felt like a purr against her modest chest. She wondered if he could feel the slight swell of her breasts against is back, if he even cared. In a perfect world Ben would want her as much as she wanted him. He would whisper sweet endearments in her ears as they pealed the layers of clothing from each other's bodies, exploring one another. Slowly, softly, like they had all the time in the world. If only he knew what she was thinking...

 

Ben suddenly pushed himself up and Rey thought he had known exactly what she was thinking. Before she could say or do anything that would embarrass herself Ben simply went to his clock radio and set the alarm for 4:30am. 

 

"We don't want to be taken by surprise again," Ben murmured, the tips of his ears turning pink. He returned, placing Rey's arm back around himself.

 

She gladly molded her body to his, delighted to be the big spoon. She felt so full, so complete.

 

"Could you come back to my cabin, tomorrow during your free time?" Ben asked, his voice shy. "It's not for anything scandalous, I promise."

 

Rey would have come even if it were for some salacious reason. "Sure, but can you tell me why?" Rey wanted to hear Ben talk more. His voice was like warm honey this late at night.

 

"I love to read, and since my head injury isn't completely healed yet, I get headaches if I read for too long." Ben stopped, and she felt his lungs take a steadying inhale. "And I was hoping, that maybe you could read to me?" He sounded self-conscious about asking, as if she would say no to him. 

 

"Do I get to pick the book?" Rey asked, her cheeks heating, remembering one book in particular. 

 

"Yes, anything you want," Ben said sounding relieved. 

 

Rey smiled and nodded and she knew he could feel her response. She was so comfortable and happy, she wanted to fall asleep but she also didn't want to waste a second of this moment. They might never have another. There was this nagging feeling at the back of her mind that told her she wanted to have enough time with Ben this time around. Rey felt greedy for every second, every word from his mouth, every shared glance. Holding on tighter, she told herself that Ben would not slip through her fingers again.

 

... Again? .....

 

Eventually, she drifted off to sleep, assured that Ben was in her arms, solid, there and he wouldn't disappear. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

 

888888

 

Ben stirred and his eyes cracked open, ever so slightly. He had left his lamp on. He should have remembered to turn it off, but there was absolutely no way he was moving right now. 

 

Last night as he went to sleep, he thought he would wake up in the morning and forget Rey was there with him. The reality couldn't be further from his expectations. All night, even in his dreaming, he knew Rey was present, with him, beside him. There was no denying her existence in his bed at the moment, because she was wrapped around him like a koala bear on a tree. At some point in the night she had even kicked her leg over his hip, encasing him. 

 

He bit his lip holding back the desire to stroke her toned thigh, her shorts had ridden up during the night. He wanted to know if her skin was as smooth as it looked. Puffs of hot air hit the base of his neck as Rey slept. She buried her face against his back and could tell she was drooling a bit. If it had been anyone else but Rey, he would have found it disgusting. Instead, he found it ... charming. His sheets would smell like her after she left, like bright summer days and wild honey suckle. 

 

Ben was not so concerned about Rey's state this morning so much as he was with his own. His body was responding to the closeness of her without his permission. He wouldn't be able to live down the embarrassment if she caught him in his current condition, simply because he was sleeping next to her. He was a grown man not a pubescent teen. Her lean frame, pressed against him, scalding his skin where they made contact. As though she were permanently branding him as her's. Wishing Rey were the same age as himself so he could turn to her and lay ruin to his bed sheets with the fervor of their love making, was not helping his situation. He shouldn't be thinking of her that way. She shouldn't even be there, but he was weak, these thoughts running through his head unbidden.

 

He had needed her comfort, memories of when he had worked at First Order for Snoke, had haunted him alone in his room. That led him to thinking about his father. The stabbing ache in his chest made it hard to breath. 

 

He couldn't sleep, and then she was at his door, like an angel of mercy. 

 

Thinking about last night and his father had him reliving again that fateful day that changed his life forever. His head spun and he felt nauseated. He had stirred to get up when Rey held on tighter. 

 

The ache subsided as he saw the slender arm wrapped around him. With the utmost care, he cradled one of her hands pulling it away from his waist. Her hand was small, calloused, with chewed nails. He remembered how they had held his face, and how the gesture had chased all his demons away. He brought her hand up to his cheek and pressed her knuckles there softly.

 

Ben still wasn't sure what their relationship was at this point. His feelings for another person had never been so intensely all encompassing. All Ben knew was now he had Rey beside him, he couldn't imagine a world where she didn't exist. It broke his heart knowing he couldn't keep her in his life forever. This would be all they could have. This summer, this place. He shouldn't even have that. Rey was young. She had her whole life ahead of her. Unlike him. 

 

The red digital numbers from his clock blazed across the room, reading 4am. Every minute that ticked by was one more minute closer to the end of whatever it was they had.Though he didn't want to leave her, he needed to slip away and take a shower before she woke up. A very, very cold shower. 

 

Carefully, Ben disentangled himself from her clutching limbs. She pouted, grunting in her sleep, giving annoyed murmurs. The corner of his mouth quirked up. She looked like a sleepy kitten, curling in on herself on his sheets. He brushed a few stray hairs away from her face and could not remember seeing anything so perfect in his whole damn life. His chest ached painfully. How was he ever going to let her go? It was going to have to happen at some point. He crept into his bathroom as silently as he could, while never losing sight of Rey, until he shut the door. 

 

 

~*~

 

"Rey," a deep voice crooned. She felt a large, hot hand push back hair from her temple. "You have to wake up. It is almost 4:30."

 

Before Rey opened her eyes, she took a deep breath. The sheet she was wrapped in smelled incredible. Leaving it was not an option. After a second breath she could smell a fresh, clean scent and she perked up a bit squinting at the most beautiful face she had ever seen. Ben. His hair was wet and he was fully dressed with a clean shaven face, ready for the day. He was crouching down beside the bed. How long had he been up? 

 

"Don't wanna," Rey mumbled. "Comfy." She yanked the sheet around her like a cocoon turning her back to Ben. This was her home now, in these sheets, she would live and die here. Ben had a real bed, not like those stupid bunks with the thin mattresses and it was warm from his heat. 

 

"Come on, you have to get back to your cabin before anyone notices you are missing. It won't be good for either one of us." She could hear Ben was trying to be stern but was actually amused. 

 

"You said it is ALMOST 4:30. Five more minutes," Rey bargained. She knew she had won when she heard a long exhale of resolve out of of Ben's nose. Peeking out from the sheet, she stayed mostly covered. "You can join me?" Rey still couldn't believe this hulking, gorgeous man allowed her to be near him. Her heart sank, wondering if he would reject her. 

 

Ben crossed his arms and rolled his jaw. "Alright. Five minutes and that's it." 

 

Rey opened the sheet up wide so he could slip back into bed. He wasn't smiling, but Rey somehow knew he was very pleased. He closed his eyes and sighed, sounding content. His skin was cool and smooth, from the shower. He clicked off the small lamp beside his bed. The room was in total darkness as the sun had not come up yet. Wet strands of hair brushed his neck. She used his chest as a pillow, felling his lungs expand and contract. He put an arm around her, but didn't hold her close.

 

"Tell me something about yourself, please," Rey said after a few long stretches of silence. She needed to know him, was desperate for any tiny piece of information. There were so many things she wanted to ask him, but knew he was so secretive. If she pushed too much he might shut her out completely. "It could be anything you want."

 

Ben was quiet so long, Rey thought he wouldn't answer. Eventually he said in his baritone voice, "I learned calligraphy." His chest rumbled as he spoke.

 

Rey smiled and she knew he could feel her doing so. 

 

"There was something, calming about it. I was never very good at painting or drawing, but writing out the letters felt soothing. Similar to someone owning a zen garden, perhaps. The broad strokes and looping of the letters, felt like I was conducting music. My hands always felt too large and oafish, it helped with my dexterity. And when you were done, you created something artful. " His voice sounded light, fond, while still quiet. 

 

Rey liked the cadence of his voice. There was something mature about the way he spoke, proper and articulate when he had the right words. He was soulful and deep in a way no one else her age was. Rey could understand his fascination. "Sometimes taking something apart and putting it back together again feels relaxing. The repetition of it, the familiarity. Also seeing how all the parts work together in harmony to create something bigger than themselves. I love to find old clocks in salvage yards. I like to see all the gears, coils and cogs spinning and ticking. The tiny pieces of metal shine. There's a feeling of triumph and accomplishment when you find just the right piece that fits. They have a dance all on their own, once they come to life."

 

She wanted to melt. It was so nice to be there with him. 

 

The blasted clock radio went off causing Rey to jump. It was time for her to go. Reluctantly, she sat up. Ben got out of the bed first and Rey crawled out after him. He walked across the room, grabbing her flashlight tucked away beside a pile of books. 

 

"You are going to need this," Ben smirked. "I'm not happy about you wandering around late at night, but I know you will do it anyway. You might as well be as safe as you can." 

 

Rey shoved her feet into her shoes before putting her hoodie back on. She didn't want to go. It was unfair that once she finally found happiness that it was in fleeting moments, rushed and stolen. 

 

She dragged her feet, trying to make the walk to his door last longer. The snail's pace Ben kept told her he was also having a hard time letting her leave. She loathed having to be away from him.  

 

"Maybe I should walk you at least half way. To make sure you get back safely." Ben spoke to his feet. 

 

Rey tried to play it cool, even though she was ready to cheer, that she would get a little more time with him. "I would really like that." 

 

They walked side by side among the chirp of crickets and the slight warble of cicadas. Rey kept her flashlight pointed at the ground ahead of them. Their arms bumped one another as they went. Despite just having spent the night sleeping beside him, Rey was not brave enough to grab his hand on her own. Luckily Ben seemed to find a way to walk so that the backs of their hands brushed up against each other, hardly touching, but it was enough. Every time their skin made contact, a current pulsed under her skin, jolting her nerves to come alive. Their shoes crunched on the trail and Rey felt like it was only the two of them in all the world.

 

Once they got to the mouth of the route, they stopped. Ben couldn't go any further because they would be out of the thickest of the woods and they could be spotted together. Rey bit her lip. They both looked down at their hands as their finger tips skimmed delicately. She shuffled her feet. His hands looked massive next to her own. They were oddly well manicured considering he worked the camp grounds all day. The few rough spots on his palm seemed new. 

 

"Don't look so sad," Ben cooed. "I will see you at free time. You said you would read to me. You have to keep your word." 

 

Rey's breath hitched as she tilted her face up to him. He was so much taller than herself. The way he appraised her, like she was lovely. The same way a man would look at a gift he felt he was unworthy of. His full lips parted, with the tiniest of trembles. She was poor, scrawny Rey Niima. A nobody. All the boys her age shunned her for being plain. How could he hold her in such high esteem? 

 

"I'll see you later, Rey." Ben said, breaking contact then taking a small step back. "Be careful getting back." If words could manifest into a tangible object, then his words would have been a blanket, wrapped around her shoulders. 

 

Rey walked away on coltish legs, dizzy, unable to pull her gaze away from Ben, standing at the beginning of the trail. She waved stupidly, intoxicated, stumbling into the shadowy darkness before the dawn. 

 

Rey's feet didn't touch the ground the whole way to cabin 13. 

 

 

~*~

 

The day dragged until free time. She still laughed and talked with her friends, but there was a constant excited buzz in the back of her brain. Thomas was staying clear of her, which Rey was quite thrilled about. If he said one more thing to her, she was sure she would knock his teeth out. He might have been too embarrassed to tell the other boys that he got his ass handed to him by a girl, because she hadn't heard any rumors. Rey certainly was not talking to anyone about it. Thankfully, everyone was too concerned with other things to ask her why she hadn't been hanging out with Thomas. 

 

Connie, and B.B. walked beside Rey at the start of free time.

 

B.B. talked excitedly. "Rey, you want to check out some board games at the rec? Finn and Rose said they are in. Jess and Mitaka have been staying away from us since she nearly drowned you. It isn't like she doesn't have her adoring public." B.B. cocked a thumb over at Jess who had a swarm of boys following her like love sick puppies. 

 

Rey fought the urge to grimace at the mention of her name. "I was actually going to hike again." Rey knew it was a lame excuse and she used it too often but if she had said anything else then she ran the risk of them following her. 

 

"What, again?" B.B. asked, her face screwing up in distaste. "Don't you get sick of it? I mean its the same thing very time isn't it? What could possibly be so great on that trail?" B.B.'s voice got higher, incredulous. She smacked her own arm, effectively killing the mosquito feasting on her. "There is not enough bug spray in the world to keep these little bastards away. Connie! Hit me!" 

 

Connie rummaged through a butterfly printed fanny pack strapped to her hip. After pulling out a small bottle of insect repellent, she sprayed B.B.'s arms. 

 

"I don't think I will ever get sick of going there during free time," Rey sighed thinking about spending every afternoon with Ben. 

 

"Has anyone told you, you are a little weird?" B.B. asked, shaking her head. 

 

Rey took a look at B.B. with her white socks, striped with orange, pulled all the way up to mid calf. The very short, blunt, bob cut she kept her hair in. The matching metal wrist cuffs that made her look like Wonder Woman. 

 

Then Rey turned her observations over to Connie, with her butterfly fanny pack and dandelions stuck in her golden locks. 

 

Rey threw her head back and laughed. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. "Tell you what. Tonight I am yours. We can all hang out at the dance."

 

"Oooo," B.B. started. "So is lover boy, Thomas going to join our little group finally?" She gave Rey finger guns. 

 

"Actually, no," Rey squirmed. "I am not going with Thomas, in fact we aren't even talking right now." Rey didn't know where to look, but she didn't want to see the expressions the girls were making.

 

B.B.'s brows peeked, while Connie's probing eyes widened at her.

 

"It's better that way," Connie said with a single jerk of her chin, as though the matter was decided and over. 

 

"If it is alright with you guys I would rather not talk about it." Rey rubbed her arm and hunched in on herself not wanting to explain. 

 

"I'm sorry to hear that. I thought you liked him," B.B. frowned. "If you ever do want to talk about it we are here for you." 

 

It was touching how kind they both were to her. She hadn't known them very long, yet she felt closer to them than any of the girls she had met at school. At the same time there was a small stone sitting at the bottom of her belly, knowing that she was keeping a secret.

 

"Thanks." Rey genuinely meant it. 

 

~*~

 

Rey had gone back to the cabin and gotten her better shoes so she could go "hiking". Once she got to Ben's cabin, doubt started to creep in. Last night, sleepy and under the cover of night, she felt braver than she did now. Ben had been upset and she had been impulsive, wanting to see him. This was different. What if Ben had changed his mind? Rey wiggled her fingers and bounced on her tip toes before knocking firmly on his door. Immediately the door flew open with Ben on the other side. His eyes were smiling even if his mouth wasn't. 

 

"You are late," Ben said instead of a greeting, but his voice was gentle.

 

Rey snorted, finding his straight forward statement oddly refreshing. 

 

Ben leaned in the door frame, her mouth going dry when she noticed his shoulders were almost as wide as the doorway, and his height almost as tall. Rey found it difficult to take in air as her mind reminded her Ben was a man. One of his massive hands could span her entire stomach. He was probably experienced enough on how to use those hands. At 17 Rey hadn't even kissed anyone. 

 

"You okay?" His deep voice did funny things to her. He pressed his lips a bit concerned. Rey had no idea what face she was making, standing there memorized by him. 

 

"Yeah, I am just thinking that finding one book to read among your vast collection is going to be a daunting task." Rey faked bravado and stood up tall, lifting her chin. 

 

His cabin looked different in the day light than it had the night before. The maple wood of the cabin made it warmer and brighter. In the dim lighting last night, it was hard to see its brilliance. The cabin looked like it had been worked on in the last few weeks, cleaned up, repaired. It had already been in much better condition than the other cabins the very first time she saw it. Nothing had changed much with the decor however.  

 

Rey perused the shelves of books and piles also set up around. Rey's face heated as she checked the spines of each one trying to see if he still had that D.H. Lawrence book. She didn't think she had the nerve to read THAT book aloud to Ben, but maybe he could let her borrow it? 

 

Rey stopped at a few well loved paperbacks. Her smile spread. She turned to Ben who had been watching her with a sentimental expression. "You have quite the collection of Ray Bradbury books." 

 

Ben's face lit up, "You are a Bradbury fan?"

 

Rey nodded animatedly. "I think Martian Chronicles is my absolute favorite, though I really like October country."

 

"October Country?" Ben's voice turned up at the end. "I really thought you would have said 'The Illustrated Man' or 'Fahrenheit 451'. That's usually the ones everyone likes."

 

"I know," Rey responded. "But I feel like that is so common. He has other things that are so much more interesting. I prefer his darker works actually. I really like 'The Handler' or 'The Small Assassin'."

 

The slack jawed, stunned stare Ben was giving her made her feel self conscious. Maybe she had said something wrong. She knew those stories were very dark and morbid. But she loved the creativity of them and the willingness to go further, by writing about a mortician that mutilated bodies and a new born baby who murders people. Ben still hadn't said anything or even moved. It was a mistake to say anything. Rey bowed her head. This was why she was a social pariah. 

 

"I completely agree," Ben said intensely. 

 

Relief flooded, Rey as her head snapped up to him. Her heart leaped into her throat. 

 

"I am also a really big fan of Ira Levin. His books are classic." Rey said enthusiastically. "I like Chuck Palahniuk too."

 

"Are you interested in Atwood?" Ben asked a spark in his eyes. 

 

"I have only read 'A handmaid's tale', and that was before they made it a tv show, but I wanted to read 'Oryx and Crake'.

 

"I was going to suggest you read 'a Handmaid's tale'. I prefer the book to the show." He almost sounded pleasantly surprised, like he wasn't expecting her to like Atwood.

 

"I haven't even bothered to watch the show, I was pretty sure they were going to ruin it so I didn't want to take the chance. I liked the book too much for it to get tarnished."

 

Ben looked at her and he made the tiniest of smiles. Rey had heard the expression "weak in the knees" before but she never knew it could be an actual affliction. With the way he was looking at her and his mouth slightly turned up, she felt like swooning. He seemed younger, she made him smile. She had never seen him smile at anyone, yet here he was with her - an almost melancholy smile- but it was there. All Rey could do was bask in this moment. 

 

For a while all they did was stand a few feet away from one another and drink each other in. Ben must have realized what he was doing because he cleared his throat before turning away. 

 

"So, have you decided what you want to read?" Ben asked. 

 

Rey's forehead puckered. She didn't want to read Bradbury at the moment, with her fluttering heart she wanted to read something nostalgic, a bit romantic. 

 

As Rey checked each one, she stopped at a book and debated whether she should read it. _Jane Eyre._ It was a classic and one of her favorites. He did say any book she wanted. She pulled the story from its shelf and held it up to Ben. 

 

He seemed pleased with her choice and nodded his head in agreement. 

 

"You know I don't have a chair or anything. Did you want to go to the look out point on the trail?" Ben asked. 

 

Rey liked the idea of them cuddling up on the bed again, but it was a beautiful day. She hoped that they would have plenty of other evenings to lay beside each other and embrace. 

 

"The look out point sounds good. No one ever comes here during free time, we should be fine to sit out in the sun." Rey liked the idea of spending a lazy sunny afternoon side by side, sitting in the grass. She remembered the night they star gazed and how she had enjoyed the simple pleasure of being with him. 

 

Holding the hard covered book to her chest, Ben opened the door for Rey like a gentleman. The breeze rustled his hair and he held his body with a loose assured confidence. It was different than the stiff dominant gate he usually had. Rey found she didn't prefer one over the other, they were both Ben and she was enthralled by both. Was there anything she wouldn't find fascinating and attractive about him?  Practically skipping she walked the small path from his cabin to the main pass. 

 

"Hey, Rey!!" a voice called.

 

They both froze. A cold shock racked her body. Rey spun around looking for the source of the sound.

 

"REEEYYYYY!!! Where are you?" 

 

She finally recognized the voice as Finn's. Walking up the main pathway was Rose, Finn, B.B. and Connie.

 

Both Ben and Rey jet to hide behind the thickest, closest tree. Ben pressed up against her, his arms caging her in. If she weren't so terrified of them finding her she would have thought it was sexy. His broad chest pressed against her back. 

 

They were so close they were within hearing distance. Rey craned her neck to see just around the trunk.

 

"Are you sure she said she was hiking?" Rose asked, huffing and puffing. 

 

All of their feet stomping up the gravel sounded like an elephant stampede compared to the previous quiet. They all had a slight sheen of sweat on their brows.

 

"Rey's favorite spot is just up ahead. She is probably just hanging out," Finn reasoned. 

 

"I know Rey said she wasn't upset about not going to the dance with Thomas, but I just couldn't let her hang out during free time all by herself and heart broken," B.B. pouted. "I think she was just putting on a brave face." 

 

Rey swallowed back a lump of guilt. 

 

  
"Wow this is beautiful, no wonder she comes out here all the time!" Connie said once she finally got to the scenic spot. She opened her arms out wide like she could hug the view.

 

The rest of the group stopped and stared out too, in silence, still as statues, gazing out. B.B. flopped down on the wooden bench. 

 

"Is it possible she left already?" B.B. asked. "She is probably way faster doing the circuit than any of us, seeing as how she does it all the time." 

 

"Yeah, lets keep moving," Finn decided, waving them over to follow him. 

 

The group of them walked off until they disappeared back down the passage. 

 

Rey sagged at the relief of not being caught. Ben backed off and Rey could see the difference in him immediately. A hurt expression was in place, along with the tension he held in his muscles. He wouldn't look her in the eye.

 

"Ben?"

 

"You should go and catch up with your friends," Ben said monotone. "I don't really feel in the mood for company at the moment. Thank you for stopping by." He held out his hand to take back the book.

 

Rey opened and closed her mouth as she gave him the copy. He took it back from her slowly, softly, his eyes tragic and sad. Ben walked back to his cabin, his shoulders pushed forward. She was stunned by his change in demeanor. What happened? 

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I usually take longer between posts to read, re-read, re-word, and argue with myself. Obsesses over characterization, put some realism in reactions. Because I like to have a certain level of quality in descriptions and vocabulary... This is a mess! I have no beta and I wanted to write this so badly and get it out that I may be tweaking this for the next few days, especially fixing the caliber of descriptions and not being repetitive with the same words. In the mean time! Here you are! 
> 
> Thank you everyone for reading and commenting! I feel honored and delighted.

That evening, Connie was doing her hair, making a braid crown around her head. She had applied sparkly eye shadow and put glitter on her cheeks. A floral light weight dress flowed around her knees, as she swayed humming to herself. She looked like a fairy out of a midsummer's night dream. 

 

B.B. had put on some bright orange eye liner and had even put two slashes of bright pink lipstick across both her cheeks. Her short hair was spiked up in the middle in a fohawk. Aside from wearing a slightly nicer tank in bright pink than she normally did, her attire was the same as any other day. "The theme is TRON, Connie. You have to wear something futuristic!" B.B. threw out her arms at Rey. "And what about you? You haven't done anything!"

 

Rey's chin lifted, but she didn't respond. She was preoccupied with what happened that afternoon. After Ben walked away from her, she managed to catch up with her friends. She had told them that she had gone off a bit on her own, but heard them calling for her.

 

Rey had wanted to go right back to Ben's cabin and pound on the door to demand he explain his odd behavior, but knew if she didn't find the group soon they would know she was lying about hiking. 

 

B.B.'s face was overjoyed. "Not only am I dressed for the part but I have been practicing my robot with Finn." B.B. gave her a small sample of her dancing prowess.

 

She looked fairly ridiculous, making sure to keep her face totally blank while keeping her eyes wide open. Rey snorted.

 

Rey looked down at her phone. She didn't want to appear desperate, but she had no idea what had caused Ben to turn on a dime the way he did. She had not heard from him at all since. 

 

"Ok, lets go!" B.B. grabbed Rey's hand, pulling her up to stand. Rey dropped her phone back on the bed and dragged her feet. B.B. pulled her along.

 

~*~

 

Before they even entered the rec room, Rey could hear and feel the music thumping the ground. Swinging open the door, Rey gasped.

 

The rec room looked amazing! Poe had really gone all out this year. It must have taken the staff forever to do. The entire room was only lit by black lights. They covered the walls in black paper, painted with complicated neon blue-green lines on it, so it looked like there were no walls. Glow in the dark necklaces and bracelets were handed out as they walked in. Anyone who wore white stood out the most, glowing.

 

The bright make up B.B. had put on lit up under the black lights. They quickly found, Rose and Finn as Connie went to Snap, toting him over to their group. Finn and Rose had the same idea as B.B. Glow in the dark paint popped bright on their arms. They had put an intricate design mimicking circuits. They stood in a tight circle talking.

 

"I am so jealous! How did you get that?" B.B. asked Rose, impressed. She had to shout over the music.

 

"Don't tell anyone but we swiped some from arts and crafts. I got more if you want some." She waggled her eyebrows, displaying her contraband covertly. Rose reminded her of a drug dealer.

 

"Yeah, hand it over," B.B. answered grabbing the little tube of neon paint.

 

The music changed tempo and dulled down.

 

From the large speakers at each corner, came Poe's voice, though she didn't see him anywhere, "Welcome, campers to 'The Dance a TRON'! I will be your host and D.J. Lets get this party started, then we will have our dance contest! Everyone get jiggy with it!"

 

All the campers groaned, some shook their heads while others looked at the speakers with disgust.

 

"What? Isn't that what the kids are saying now?" Poe faked innocence. "Whatever! Time to party!"

 

If Rey thought the music was loud before, it was nothing to the level Poe cranked the volume up to. Her ear drums rattled. He was lucky they were in the middle of no where, nearly hours from civilization. This seemed even louder than previous years. Complicated electronica boomed and buzzed through the speakers.

 

Caught up in the music and strobing lights, everyone began to dance, jumping, whooping and hollering. She tried to just dance and get lost in the music with her friends, but something was missing. Even as Finn spun her, everyone laughed. Rey felt out of place. It had always just been her and Finn before. Yes she was friends with everyone else in the group but as they giggled, talked and danced, Rey got the feeling she could have left, and they all would not miss her much. Rey didn't want to be in a packed auditorium, she wanted to be in a nice quiet cabin, held in strong arms, comfortable. She was out of breath. Her head was spinning by the time she realized that maybe she should take a break. B.B. asked over all the music if she wanted company. Rey was about to tell her no when Poe's voice came booming back over the sound system. Everyone's attention turned to the speakers.

 

"Ok, guys it is officially time for the dance contest. We have made a glowing ring in the center of the dance floor, if everyone would be so kind as to clear the space." Councilors and activities staff wrangled the teens to create space for the dance floor.  

 

Rey began to feel overheated and claustrophobic. The noise the people, all the activity was too much for her. In the bustle Rey lost her friends in the crowd. She turned to leave the rec room, seeing a very familiar silhouette. Ben. In the darkest corner, she saw him leaving. It was the perfect time to talk to him and find out what was going on. Everyone was in the rec room, all the attention was on the dance competition. No one would even see her sneak out. She threw off her glow in the dark necklace and bracelet, making her way to the side doors to leave. 

 

"...first up we have the guy's from cabin 11, dancing to Backstreet Boys!..." Poe announced as people laughed and jeered. 

 

Rey barreled out of the rec center into the cool night air. The camp grounds were dark and quiet with everyone at the dance. She spun around looking for where he could have possibly gone so fast. Rey felt a bit panicked. Had she imagined him being there? Something rang true in the back of her mind of seeing Ben when he wasn't really there, like a hallucination. Maybe she had imagined him, losing her mind from the stress of worrying over him. 

 

A door slammed and Rey followed the sound to around the back of one of the main buildings, sprinting with her heart thumping. 

 

Rey came to a screeching halt when she saw Ben standing in front of a large supply shed with a box of black lights held between his torso and arm. 

 

"Ben," Rey sighed, feeling herself calm instantly. 

 

"Rey?" Ben blinked at her like he couldn't believe he was seeing her. "What are you doing here?"

 

"Isn't it obvious?" Rey answered taking a tentative step closer to him. "I wanted to see you."

 

Ben set his jaw, appearing stern. "You should be at the party with your friends. You looked like you were having a good time, you shouldn't have left them." 

 

"You were watching me?" Rey startled back. Did he not want to see her? Rey moved even closer, "I'm exactly where I should be. Here with you." 

 

Ben's face twisted in disgust. "No, Rey. This isn't right. This was a mistake. You need to leave."

 

"Leave?" Rey's voice sounded hollow. She felt like her soul was leaving her body. Her limbs turned numb. A mistake? Was she a mistake? "Ben, I don't understand." And she didn't understand at all. Didn't he tell her she wasn't alone, yet here he was pushing her away? 

 

"It doesn't matter. You need to go," Ben said in a hard tone. He turned his back on her, putting the lights back on the shelf. As tough as he tried to sound, Rey could hear the waver in his voice. 

 

Seeing him ignore her, try to push her away, when she knew he really didn't want her to go, infuriated her. In two long strides Rey stood before Ben and she grabbed his arm. "I'm not going anywhere." Rey said with finality, pulling him to look her in the eye. This shouldn't have hurt as much as it did, like her own body was cleaving in two. 

 

"You should," Ben raised his voice, his eyes were glassy. "You should get as far from me as you can, and don't look back. You have left your friends and the party behind to stand in the shadows with me." Rey felt a bout of vertigo, like she was being dropped from a very high distance. "You deserve better, Rey. You deserve to be happy and free and to be with someone who isn't going to pull you into the darkness. We can't even be seen together, we have to hide from everyone, not that I would want you to be seen with me. I'm damaged, broken. You deserve someone whole. Someone that you shouldn't have to keep a secret from everyone else. You should be with that Thomas kid, or some other boy your own age."

 

At the mention of Thomas's name, anger flooded her veins. "Thomas? Thomas is scum, who isn't fit to lick my shoes." 

 

Ben gave a bitter bark of laughter. "Whatever you think of Thomas, I guarantee you, I am a thousand times worse than him." 

 

"Don't say that!" Rey begged, seeing the pain inside him, seeing how he truly believed himself to be despicable. 

 

"You don't know me, Rey, as much as you claim to. You don't know the real me," Ben spat. He pulled his arm from her grip. "Do you know why I am really here? Why you have never seen me before?"

 

Rey gave a stiff shake of her head, her throat burning, as she held back a sob. She didn't want him to keep going, but he did anyway.

 

"It's because I screwed up my life so badly this is all that's left for me. And I deserve it," Tears began to streak down his cheeks. "I killed my own father." His voice cracked. 

 

It took a moment for his words to sink in. Rey somehow knew he wasn't lieing to her. Though she was appalled by his admission, something inside her still wanted to go to him. Rey moved forward, he looked so hurt, like a wounded animal.  She couldn't hate him, not when he was hurting so much. Her own heart broke as if she could feel his misery just as acutely. 

 

"Don't," Ben held up his hands to stop her from getting any closer to him. "You should know everything, every reason you should stay as far from me as you can." Ben took a beep, shuttering inhale. "I have done horrible things, stole from people, turned a blind eye to crimes happening right in front of me. I was involved in a corrupt company called First Order Industries. We created fake charities to swindle honest people of their money. We had hostile take overs of major companies and laid off people who had families. We bought properties and kicked people out onto the street. The CEO of the company, Alistar Snoke, was really the head of all organized crime in the city. I was there for years, he took me under his wing right after high school. I grew up with neglectful parents and pretty much lived on my uncle's couch senior year. I was looking for acceptance in all the wrong places. I changed my name to Kylo Ren cut myself off from everyone. As years went by Snoke would demand more and more from me. He became increasingly abusive and cruel. He told me the trauma he inflicted on me was to make me stronger, to have a thicker skin. I helped cover up his wrong doings and even knew where he disposed of bodies. I felt like if I left I would have nothing. Less than nothing. I was cut off from everything and everyone, afraid Snoke would torture me to death if I ever disobeyed him. I had seen him do it to others and I never did anything to stop him." 

 

Ben sniffled, but spoke to the ground like he refused to see what reaction Rey was having to all of this. 

 

"My father, came to see me one day. He knew I was in over my head, in danger. Tried to bring me back home." Ben's lip trembled. "Snoke wouldn't have accepted any weakness. I knew he was watching me. When my father visited me, I said the most horrible, hurtful things. We screamed at each other, it almost came to blows when all of a sudden he couldn't breath. He cried out and fell to the ground. He had a heart attack. The stress was too much for his heart. I caused it. It was my fault. I saw what I had become, a monster. Snoke told me I was weak for mourning my father. I knew then that I had to get away. I had a plan. I went to the police in secret and I told them everything I knew about Snoke. They asked me if I wanted protection. I told them no, that I knew how to handle it.... there was no escaping Snoke, or my guilt. I tried to kill myself, thinking everything would be over for good. But I somehow survived."

 

Rey gasped, her body shaking with grief. He had tried to kill himself. He believed himself to be so beyond help he had felt the need to end his own life. 

 

"The paramedics that found me had me admitted to a high security mental health facility on suicide watch. Snoke couldn't get to me there, even with all his connections. They called my closest family member, my mother. She forgave me, said it wasn't my fault my father died, but I know it was. I went through months of therapy. During that time some other people came forward with information on Snoke. Finally there was enough accusations against him for a formal investigation. A few board members went under witness protection. I refused and decided I could hide out better on my own. I came here, where I was completely off the grid. I got a burner phone, took care of the grounds during the winter months."

 

Ben stopped for a minute, as though he were catching his breath. 

 

"They had a trial. I testified, but lost my temper when his lawyers claimed I wasn't of sound mind because of the suicide attempt. It only furthered their case that my eye witness accounts were questionable. Fortunately, because I was the first to come forward and actually show up in court, more people were inspired to do the same. I left immediately after taking the stand. I came back here. Tried to heal. Snoke had been found guilty and is behind bars but a few people who came forward have had ... accidents. I have been keeping myself shut away. I don't have much to live for anyway. Except for my mother. I feel like I owe it to her to not cause her anymore pain. It doesn't make up for all the wrong I have done, all the hurt I caused. There are days I can't even look at my mother without feeling sick. Only Poe knows that I was Kylo Ren and the mess I went through. And now you. You know everything." 

 

Ben ran a hand through his hair and put his arms around himself like he was trying to hold all of his hurt in. 

 

It was so much to process. In Rey's wildest musings she could have never guessed Ben's sad and tainted past. He stood there, staring at her, his body bracing it self for her reaction. Rey could sense it in her bones what he was thinking. He was steeling himself for her to hurl insults, preparing for the berating he genuinely thought he deserved. Perhaps he did. Ben knew the true magnitude of the ruin he had caused others, but did he understand the corruption that had been inflicted upon him while with Snoke? Rey wanted to show him mercy, and kindness when all he seemed to know for years was manipulation. She needed him to know that he could be redeemed from all the horrible things that he had done. Maybe that was who he was then, but it wasn't who he was now. His remorse, his desire to make things right, told her what she needed to know about his character. Ben was damaged, but it was a good thing Rey knew how to piece back together broken things. 

 

Instead of running from Ben, she approached him. He was crying, his eyes shut tight and his chin tucked to his chest. His inky hair fell around his face. 

 

"Just because you have a past, doesn't mean you have no future," Rey explained in a whisper. She cupped his face in her hands, angling him so he was looking right at her. She delved into his pupils searing each word with intense conviction. "And I am so happy you told me everything. Even knowing everything, it still doesn't change my mind about you. Inexplicably, it doesn't change the way I feel." Ben looked stunned, outright floored by what she was saying. "I would rather be with you, in your darkness than with anyone else, out in the bright, shining light." Using her thumb she wiped away the wetness on his face. Rey swallowed back the lump in her throat. "I want you, Ben Solo, and no one else." 

 

He appraised her with devoted adoration, confused but moved.

 

Rey surged forward, with every ounce of bravery she had. Her lips met his in a tender press of her mouth. They were full and soft. He didn't respond at first, tensing at the sudden advance. Then she felt him yield to her. His arms cradled her, one hand between her shoulder blades, the other on the small of her torso.  She felt him move, angling himself to slot together more comfortably. Kissing Ben was so much more than Rey could have ever known. It was transcendent. He pressed her body against his, bowing her back, making every cell ignite. He made a humming groan in the back of his throat, the sound reverberating through her, straight to her core. Rey gasped at the sensation causing her lips to part, but not break contact and she could taste his scent. Shy, inexperienced, but oh so curious, she opened her mouth a bit wider, gracing the tip of her tongue against his bottom lip. He tasted like strawberries or something else equally as sweet that she couldn't place. Another small sound slipped from him and Rey took the opportunity to deepen the kiss. It felt like a victory when he didn't pull away, the slick velvet of his tongue caressing her own. Her head swam and she moaned at the liquid heat of his mouth. She feared her heart would burst from the elation. This felt right. This felt like coming home. 

 

She finally broke their kiss, needing air, but staying encompassed by him. His mouth was pink and pouty from her attentions. Then Ben looked at her as though she were everything, as if he couldn't believe she were real and basked in her presence. 

 

A memory barged through her senses, of Ben, covered in grime, his hair a mess and his eyes swimming. A pit formed in her stomach as she got a bad feeling. A terrifying feeling. Rey gripped the front of Ben's shirt as if she were never going to see him again. Her worried expression had Ben giving a quizzical frown. He took a breath about to speak when a door creaked open.

 

Rey snapped back to reality, balking at the direction of the sound, as they were both struck with dread. She was out in the open, at her SUMMER CAMP, with a man nearly a decade older than herself, glued to her, sneaking in the dark. Thinking fast, Ben stepped into the supply shed, pulling Rey in with him. He shut the door behind them, silently. They were plunged in total darkness. Rey could hear his rapid breathing and feel her pulse thumping at her neck. 

 

"Can you hear me now? Margerie? Hello, Margerie? Oh there!" An older woman's voice spoke a few feet outside. "I'm telling you this place is out in the middle of no where! I'm lucky if I get any reception at all. They don't have wifi out here either so getting your emails have been a challenge..."

 

It had to have been one of the ladies that worked in the office. They might be there a while so long as the lady still had a signal. 

 

On the bright side, she and Ben were alone, together, in the dark, with limited space. He had an arm wrapped around her hips keeping her close to himself so they could fit. Rey coyly slid her hands from his ribs up to his pecks. Ben flinched, taken by surprise. She couldn't see a thing, but she could feel.

 

"... just make sure you water my begonias! They died last summer," the lady continued. She laughed in response to something the person on the other end of the phone said.

 

Rey lowered her hands, stroking his abs through his t-shirt. His breath became ragged. The tips of her fingers skimmed around to his sides, tracing the shape of him. Ben trembled at her touch, and she couldn't believe she had the power to elicit such a reaction from him. She nuzzled the space in between his pecks. She heard Ben make a thick swallow, before his hands shyly caressed her arms then shoulders, skimming her heated flesh. He smoothed the tips of his fingers up the back of her neck, causing goosebumps to erupt. Rey clutched at his muscular biceps, becoming increasingly intoxicated by the details of him. Rey arched her back getting as close to him as she could. Her temperature was rising, like a furnace ready to burst into flames. 

 

"...It isn't all bad here, Mr. Yoda has been quite the highlight! Or as the ladies in the office like to call him, MASTER Yoda. I tell you Margarie, the man is at least 90 years old but he KNOWS what he is doing..." The woman giggled like a Japanese school girl. 

 

Both Ben and Rey immediately stopped their curious hands. She was overcome with disgust hearing the phone conversation. Her comment instantly quelled her burning passions, her hands freezing their explorations. 

 

"... I mean you got to figure the old goat probably has at least 60 years of experience..."

 

Ben huffed and Rey just knew he hated this woman's conversation as much as she did. There was no way she would be able to go back to nature class and look Mr. Yoda in the face tomorrow. Rey internally cringed. 

 

"...but his dance card is always full if you catch my drift...Margerie? Margerie? Did I lose you?... How about now? Margerie? Damn it..." 

 

Rey heard the woman stomp back around the building and slam the door shut behind herself. 

 

Ben leapt from the closet, putting as much space between them as he could. He must have seen Rey's insecure expression because he blurted, "We need to slow down. We can't be doing this right now, here. And I think we both need to really talk about what is happening with us. We need to - um ... We have to - ah.." Ben ran a hand through his hair and was pacing. 

 

"You're right. We do. Later tonight?" Rey suggested. "I could meet you at your cabin again." Rey was standing on the edge of a knife. Would he say no? Now that they were finally starting this new level in their relationship would he back away again? 

 

"I really don't know how good an idea that is, but we should talk as soon as possible and try to - I don't even know - establish, boundaries?" Ben was grasping at straws.

 

"Yes, because our rules worked out so great the first time," Rey sighed. Deflating, she acquiesced, when seeing his disheveled anxiety. She knew he was right. He had revealed a lot to her and she could not get swept up in the moment, as much as she wanted to. And Rey really, desperately wanted to. "Ok. I will meet you later, at your cabin."

 

"Ok." Ben's attention lingered on her mouth. How she wanted to kiss him again. Every fiber of her being cried out for his affections. She wondered if he wanted her just as much, but simply had better self control. Could she sleep in the same bed with him again tonight and keep her hands to herself? "See you later," she managed to squeak. 

 

Rey rushed back to the rec center, her mind and hormones swirling.


	15. Chapter 15

Rey's palms were sweaty.

 

For some reason that was the only thing going through her mind as she stood on Ben's porch listening to the insects chirp. It was a balmy night as it was, but Rey felt overheated. She was taking steadying breaths before knocking on his door. She had been very careful to be quiet.

 

A light still shined inside his cabin. He was inside, waiting for her.

 

Rey laid in bed for hours before everyone was in a deep sleep then snuck out. Not that she could get much sleep anyway. Her mind was racing with all of the new information about Ben. 

 

She tried to Google "First Order Industries" but her phone was not getting good reception and she didn't have enough data to look anything up for long. No one would have known about Ben being involved in any of it. They only mentioned Kylo Ren a few times and they had managed not to get any pictures of him. Rey supposed it was fortunate that his face was always a mystery to everyone else. Her knees felt as though they were on the verge of collapsing, shaky, unstable. 

 

What was going to happen when she walked through that door? He said he wanted to talk, establish boundaries. Talking was the last thing on her mind sneaking over here. 

 

Her raised fist hesitated for a moment before knocking on the door. She heard his heavy foot falls approaching. Taking a ragged inhale, she waited, but it didn't take long at all for Ben to answer. The light from inside silhouetted him, so his edges were glowing from the yellow cabin light. His raven hair appeared like it had been outlined in gold, causing her heart to ache and her tongue to swell, too thick to speak. 

 

"Hi." He sounded relieved, as if he had been pacing the floor and on edge wondering if she would really come. Rey knew what it was like to wait, to have hopes and expectations and have them shattered. She would never make someone else wait, if she could help it. 

 

"Hi." Her voice was airy and light. Part of her wondered if Ben had changed his mind.

 

He gulped as he pushed the door open further. A tremor went through his hands, that betrayed his calm and collected poker face. It somehow made Rey braver, knowing she was not the only one that felt a little out of their depth. 

 

They hadn't said anything else to one another. Rey could do nothing but stare unabashed at his wide mouth. Not so long ago that mouth, had been on hers, moving and giving and taking, both of them flowing into one another as a steady current. She opened and closed her fingers, fighting her body to control itself when all she wanted to do was launch herself at him, to continue what they started. 

 

From what she could tell Ben struggled with the same affliction, twitchy and unsure. He took a step toward her then abruptly froze, stepped back but rushed forward again before stopping short, rocking on his heals to give her more space. The atmosphere was as thick as pea soup. The silent moment was loaded with unasked questions, and charged with anticipation. Who talks first? Should she talk first? 

 

"Are you sure about this, about me?" Ben said it like a warning, his back, ram rod straight, his eyes set only on her. "This could end up being a complete disaster." Rey could see he was still so terrified, thinking no one would want him. A pang of empathy tightened her throat. 

 

Rey wet her lips before setting her jaw, lifting her chin higher. "Or this could end up being something truly spectacular." Rey took tentative pads closer. "I believe that this is going to be the latter." They both stared into one another's eyes, unblinking. 

 

Ben cautiously, brought his fingertips to the side of her face. On instinct she leaned into his touch. Rey watched as he marveled at her existence, like he had to make sure she was not a figment of his imagination.  

 

Rey reached out, yearning to be close to him again. She nearly sighed in satisfaction when she was able to place her hands on him. One rested on the nape of his neck the other on the side of his jaw, making a mirror image of what he was doing to her, like opposite sides of a double headed coin. 

 

"Rey, have you really thought about everything I told you? I need you to understand that I have a bad past." He looked desperate, as though if she were to change her mind, he would accept it, but his world would shatter. 

 

She nuzzled his palm, basking in the heat of his hand. "Didn't you once tell me to let the past die? So, let it." Rey's brow crunched. She couldn't remember when it was that he had said it, but she was sure she remembered it. 

 

Ben jolted back. His eyes narrowed, he opened and then closed his mouth, as if trying to remember when it was, he had said that, but he didn't correct her.

 

"I am 10 years older than you. I will be 27 next month and you just turned 17." Ben said thickly. He looked like he was in physical pain. "You have your whole life ahead of you." His eyes dropped to her mouth. He leaned in, millimeter by millimeter. This was slow sweet torture.

 

"A long life ahead sounds very lonely if you won't be there with me," Rey insisted. She somehow knew down to her marrow what a solitary lifetime felt like. It was encoded in her DNA that she had once been that woman. Her hair turned gray, lines gathered on her face and years passed with a hole that never healed. Even on the rare occasions someone thought to visit her it wasn't the same, because she wasn't the same. A sandy landscape as desolate as she felt flashes in her mind. Lifting the edges of her lips to force a smile felt like trying to lift a two-ton speeder... Speeder? 

 

Ben leaned in a bit more, his voice becoming quieter. "I have nothing. No place to stay but here, no job, I left everything I had behind. I donated all of the money I earned over the years from Snoke."

 

"I don't want anything else except you," Rey comforted. She absentmindedly carded through his hair, falling at the base of his neck. "We can start over, together." Her heart hammered. She knew it was a bold, presumptuous statement, but she had never been more determined in her life. She would fight tooth and nail, take on any foe, overcome every challenge. 

 

"You are so strong, so sure." He appraised her with such fondness it hurt her chest. His brown eyes were so adoring. "I have never seen anything as beautiful as you." Ben said soft and dulcet like a plea, "Rey."

 

Rey couldn't stand it another moment longer. She had to kiss him again. So, she did, slow as if he would bolt if she moved too fast. Her eyes fluttered shut. The very edges of his lips graced hers. Their other kiss was forceful and rushed. She had charged herself at him before, even if she wouldn't have changed that moment for anything in the world. Now she got to savor this. The rough pads of his fingers on her delicate skin, the rhythm and sound of his steady breathing brushing against her mouth. The scent of leather, pine trees and something else masculine, reminiscent of cedar. Her fingers curled at the base of his neck, nudging him so they finally met in the middle. 

 

It was like a chorus of angels sighed once they joined. A swooping, all encompassing sense of completion, nearly caused her to melt. 

 

Her second kiss ever. Second kiss ever with the same man. As his supple lips pressed to hers, she nearly swooned. She never wanted to kiss anyone else. Rey knew that this man was it for her. She made a small breathy noise he seemed to enjoy because he growled low in his throat. He put the slightest bit more pressure on his hold, but not enough. He was being so cautious, almost shy with his actions. Rey wanted him to take her without abandon. She remembered how he had pulled her so close before, no space between them. 

 

She pressed in and he let her. Rey drowned in sensation, the taste of him, his hard body radiating heat. He spread his lips and slipped his tongue into her mouth. Ardent and attentive. Together they found a flow that was like dancing, and felt as natural as the movement of the tides. His shoulders curled in as if he needed all of himself to consume her. Rey shifted moving toward his bed. She must have backed up right into one of his numerous piles of books because she heard the flopping of pages as they tumbled, thudding to the ground.

 

It startled Ben, and he broke away. Rey, already missed his presence. She was surprised at how thin her voice sounded as she said, "Can we, sit down?" He nodded and Rey laced her fingers with his leading him along as she sat down on the edge of his bed. 

 

Ben sat next to her, then cradled her face, and angled her chin. "You are so perfect." 

 

Rey felt a knot forming in her throat, choked up and a bit uncomfortable with his words. Compliments were not something she was used to, and when he said things to her, in that voice, in his way, it was overwhelming. Never the less, Rey felt like she was so full of happiness she might burst. A smile stretched across her face.

 

This was a victory in her book. He gave her no more excuses. No matter what problem Ben presented, Rey would find a solution. His eyes danced and the corners of his mouth lifted. He embraced her, his arms cradling her body.

 

"Don't go anywhere tonight," Ben's muffled voice said into her shoulder. "I just want to keep holding you."

 

Rey laughed. "I hadn’t planned on going anywhere. You aren’t getting rid of me that easily.”

 

Ben sat back and his face brightened, he smiled making a small chuckle. A real smile. The biggest so far that she had ever seen him make. And oh, how endearing it was to her. How it took years off of him. He got up from the bed, only to kneel beside it, like a man about to propose. Rey couldn't breathe at all, her head swimming. 

 

"If you are staying the night then you should get comfortable," Ben said to the floor. He held one of her converse covered feet and began to unlace them.

 

"I can do that-" Rey began. She bent forward to take her own ratty shoes off, but Ben held a hand up to stop her.

 

"No, I want to. Please let me take care of you," Ben implored. "You have done so much for me, I can't offer you anything. Let me do something for you." This mountain of a man was kneeling before her.

 

"Okay." Rey said, her voice tiny. She sat back and watched as he unlaced her shoe and slipped her foot out with a gentle hold. He repeated the process with the other. He lined them neatly on the floor at the foot of the bed. 

 

"I'm going to change," Ben said. "I usually shower in the mornings. I didn't know if you..." He let the sentence trail off. 

 

She knew he was asking if she wanted to use his bathroom for anything, that he only had honorable intentions for asking. But all Rey could think about now was, Ben soaking wet, in the shower, or her naked in his bathroom, using his personal products. Or maybe both of them... Rey was going to have to fan herself if she kept up this train of thought. 

 

"I'm fine," Rey answered. 

 

"I have a t-shirt you could sleep in," Ben winched like he had said something wrong. "I sincerely hope this isn't coming off as me trying to be lecherous. I was only thinking you may be uncomfortable sleeping all night fully clothed... Now that I repeat myself, I do sound like a degenerate." He clenched his jaw, but gave her a self-deprecating smile. 

 

Rey chortled. Truth is, Rey liked the idea of being in his bed with less clothes on, but she knew if she said that, he would put their little slumber parties to an end, in an attempt to be chivalrous or some non-sense. 

 

"A t-shirt would be nice." 

 

Ben made a curt nod before getting up to shuffle through his small dresser. "This is my largest t-shirt so it should keep you modest. I am going to change into my pajamas in the bathroom to give us privacy."

 

He handed a folded navy-blue shirt to her while he bunched up some clothes under his other arm. 

 

After seeing the door shut and hearing the click of the bathroom slide lock, Rey allowed herself a moment to silently scream with uncontainable exhilaration. She kicked her feet and shook her fists throwing dignity to the wind.

 

A bubbling giddy joy made her want to dance across the cabin but she knew she had limited time. She slipped off her shorts and pulled off her tshirt. She also debated taking off her sporty bralette, but then Ben would see her sorry excuse for lingerie folded up with her shirt and shorts.

 

Rey tugged on the t-shirt and took a good look at it hanging off of her. She wasn't even sure this shirt was really his, it was so big. The neck of the shirt was so wide she could almost fit it off one shoulder. She frowned. If she had any hope of even appearing the tiniest bit sexy wearing his t-shirt, it was diminished by the shapeless ill-cut abomination, that went all the way to her knees. Rey sighed. He had called her beautiful, maybe this wouldn’t put a damper on their budding romance. She hoped.

 

“Are you decent?” Ben’s voice asked on the other side of the bathroom door.

 

 _Yes, unfortunately,_ Rey wanted to answer but instead she got under his blankets as she retied her hair into one bun instead of her usual three. “Yes.” She called back out to him.

 

He came out and her stomach dropped. Her mouth watered at his form fitting shirt, and thin sweat pants that were not leaving much to the imagination. He froze too, just standing there his jaw going slack. After a minute, his brow fell low over his eyes. 

 

He definitely misread her expression as he said, “If this is making you uneasy you don’t have to stay.”

 

Was he joking? She was exceedingly pleased with their current situation. “No, not at all.” Rey forced a small smile trying to hide her nerves and overboard enthusiasm.

 

He accepted her answer with a small dip of his chin. He walked over to his clock radio and set the time for 4:30am. He clicked off the lamp beside his bed before slipping under with her. He wasted no time in pulling her back against his chest and curling around her small frame as if he was a small child clinging to their favorite stuffed animal. He nuzzled her neck, behaving so much more affectionate than he had ever been in the past.

 

Rey was delighted. Until that moment she didn’t realize how much she craved affection. Not sexual contact but true intimacy, and that was what Ben was now offering her. She wanted to stay awake longer to keep doing this. She twisted in his arms until she faced him. She stroked the shell of his ear and bumped her nose to his. Rey still wanted to know him and now it felt like every wall had been torn down.

 

“You stay here all year round?” Rey asked thinking of all of his books and remembering him say he was here for months.

 

“Mmmhumm,” He hummed. Closing his eyes and enjoying her fingers flit around.

 

“By yourself?” Rey asked. “Isn’t it lonely?”

 

Ben nodded. “It is. I don’t see anyone for weeks during the winter months. But I had a lot of thinking to do and I usually don’t mix well with others.”

 

He took his thumb and ran it along her cheek as if he was saying that she were the exception. That he didn't mind being with her. 

 

Rey had always made the first move toward Ben. She shot that arrow into the woods so she could get closer to him. She danced for him at the staff party to get his attention. She found his cabin and went in. Rey always sought him out. The two times they had kissed, she had moved in first.

 

But not this time.

 

He leaned his head and she had thought he was going to rest on her shoulder, but instead he pressed his smooth mouth to the side of her face. He made a trail to her jaw kissing her, like they had all the time in the world. Rey felt like she was floating. 

 

“You stay in this cabin? There is no kitchen, no heat,” Rey was shocked that she was coherent enough to still ask questions.

 

He smiled as if she was being silly. “I only stay here during the summer months while camp is in session, to be closer if anything is needed. Because I’m here as a year-round grounds keeper I have a house that is provided for me on property but a bit further out. Mostly I like to stay here. The view is nicer.” He sighed content, his voice a soothing low rumble in the night.

 

“So you hauled all of these books over from there?” Rey asked astonished.

 

“Only the essentials,” Ben answered in hushed tones, He dipped his head to nibble at the hallow behind her ear. Whatever he was doing felt incredible, causing her nerve endings to spark. 

 

“Only the essentials?" Rey said imagining how many books he had in his other house. 

 

Rey could feel his head bob as if he was nodding. His lush hair tickled under her chin like feathers. She closed her eyes wanting him to never stop. He didn't speak because he was using his teeth and tongue for a much better purpose. Her toes started to curl, his sighs and small groans of pleasure filled the room. Rey's body buzzed as he continued.

 

"Having literary erotica was an essential?” She poked playfully, but her voice sounded rough and breathy.

 

Ben’s body tensed and his voice got lower and smoother. He crooned softly, “That was D.H. Lawrence, a brilliant writer and you happened to pick the only book in here with such… content.”

 

“Well,” Rey conceded. “He certainly is… descriptive.” Her blood heated in her veins remembering what she read. Ben's hands were on her hips, but made an ascent to her waist. She held onto his shoulders, forcing him closer. 

 

Ben let out a long exhale through his nose. “I should have never brought that book up here. It seemed like a good idea at the time.” He imprinted kisses on her collarbone, then paused to peek up at her, gauging her reaction.

 

“Really?” Rey teased. She hadn't wanted him to stop, but he shifted on the bed to get at eye level with her. Rey propped herself up on her elbow, re-positioning herself to get a better angle. She descended, sucking at the hallow of his throat, below his adam's apple. She preened at the guttural groan he emitted, encouraged to keep it up.

 

“I wasn’t expecting anyone to be sneaking around in my cabin,” He chastised with no real bite. He sounded far off, lost in her attentions. 

 

“That’s why it’s sneaking. No one suspects it,” Rey argued. Her lips moving against his skin as she spoke.

 

Ben gave a puff of laughter. “I wanted to bring something of his. He wrote my favorite poem.”

 

Rey experimentally scraped her teeth against his earlobe and he swore, his grip getting tighter. The sounds he was making was like a symphony of carnality. “What is it?”

 

“It’s called ‘Green’,” Ben said with a sigh. He started to stretch the collar of the tshirt so he could get to the sensitive skin where her neck and shoulder met. 

 

“I think I like it already,” Rey mused in good humor. Their favorite color. 

 

Rey shivered as Ben languidly moved his hands to rub up and down her back. It was so soothing. He stopped his attentions on her shoulder with a smacking sound. She burrowed to his chest, as her hands moved to his ribs. “The dawn was apple-green. The sky was green wine held up in the sun, The moon was a golden petal in between. She opened her eyes, and green They shone, clear like flowers undone. For the first time, now for the first time seen.”

 

Rey let his words hang in the air. It was breathtaking, but if anyone were to ask her why, she couldn’t give a specific answer. Maybe it was the deep rumble of his voice. Maybe it was the way he recited it with such reverence. Perhaps it was because she could imagine the different tones of bejeweled greens he was describing. The soft yellow green of the moon. A green tinted white sun. A fresh juicy green apple, thirst quenching and pure. And she imagined a girl like herself with hazel-green eyes, bright. But she didn’t understand the last line. _For the first time, now for the first time seen._

“It’s lovely,” Rey said breathy. “But what does he mean, by _now for the first time seen_?”

 

“Well there are interpretations that vary slightly." His chest rumbled as he spoke, and Rey liked the vibration of his voice against her cheek. "The one thing everyone can agree on is that it is about the innocents of youth. How everything is seen as new and pure and beautiful, as _green_. There is a child like wonder about life. Then the next part is about a young girl and her eyes being opened. Some interpret it as growing up, some think because it mentions _flowers undone_ it means sexual maturity, losing her virginity. The last line is about how now that she is a woman she can see the world around her for the first time, not as all green but real color. Everything was tinted green because she had not yet known love or a sexual awakening and, she can really drink life in now that she has known passion.”

 

Rey swallowed, all of a sudden very aware that she was in a man’s bed without pants on. And she was crushed to him. Her pulse jumped on her neck. She wondered if he could feel her heart thumping against his own. Now that Rey was paying attention, she noticed his heart was beating just as hard. She didn't understand how he could be so nervous too. Surely, he was more experienced than herself, he was 10 years older, as he said.

 

"I think for the first time in my life I am really starting to understand that poem fully," Ben confessed. His breath brushed her hair as he spoke. "I read a lot about love and desire, passion. There are books filled with love stories. I always just saw it as fiction. The love they were describing was nothing I had ever seen in other couples. I thought that kind of all encompassing adoration was as fanciful as magic wands and fire breathing dragons. I never thought-" Ben stopped.

 

Rey was petrified. Obviously he was talking about her. The world tilted on it's axis and she wanted to weep. Meeting Ben, being with him now, was more than she could have ever dreamed as a girl. Her hardened and cynical self, thought she was incapable of these emotions. She knew what they had was different. Their relationship was like the fairy tales she had read. She had never been more sure of anything in her life. Rey had always felt a hole, as if she was not complete and a piece of her was missing. That hole wasn't there anymore as she clung to him. 

 

"Ben?" Rey asked, her voice tiny and warbling. "Don't ever leave me." Rey knew how needy it sounded and anger bubbled up at her weakness. Her stomach twisted after saying something so vulnerable. 

 

"I could never," Ben said choking on his words. "If anything were to ever separate us, I would find you. I will always come back for you, Sweetheart."

 

So familiar... that sentence was so familiar like a thousand other moments that she had spent with Ben. _I'll come back for you, Sweetheart._ Chills ran up her back, and even in the balmy night, even with Ben holding her to him so tightly, she couldn't shake the coldness latching on to her. 

 

She felt a warm pressure on the top of her head and a small smack of Ben's lips. "Good, night Rey."

 

"Good night, Ben." Rey shut her eyes tight fisting the front of his t-shirt in her hands, but he didn't seem to mind in the slightest. 

 

      #####

 

The over 6 foot tall blonde was dressed in all black, her platinum hair cropped short. Phasma valued efficiency. Colorful clothes and long hair took up too much time. When everything you had was black, you didn't have to worry what matched and what didn't. With short hair, no hours of washing and styling it. She even opted to never wear make-up. She was all about her job, and her job required her to be invisible anyway. Her features were cold as she sat in a car with tinted windows, parked on a city street. 

 

Her phone buzzed in her pocket, and she retrieved it without ever even looking at the screen to see who was calling. 

 

"Yes, Mr. Snoke. I was expecting your call. I think you will be pleased to hear that I have a few places I believe Kylo Ren is hiding. Shouldn't be more than a month to find him. My services are guaranteed..."

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
